Page 75 of Swift and Saddled

“Why?” I said softly.

“You know why,” he said. I squeezed my eyes shut. This was too much. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

It’s not what’s wrong,I thought to myself.It’s what’s right.But that’s not what I said. “I can’t do this,” I said as I turned to face him.

“Tell me why,” he said.

“Because I’m leaving in a few weeks, Wes. This was never going to be anything but temporary.” My voice was hollow. It wasn’t convincing. “We never should have started this,” I said.

“You want to call it quits because of a little distance?” he asked, like it was ridiculous.

“I’m going to Arizona,” I blurted, even though I hadn’t accepted the job or even responded to Irie’s email. “I got an offer. They want me to start in August.”

Wes’s face looked stunned and then hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it has nothing to do with you,” I said. The words tasted like bile. “You’re my boss. I’m contracted for a project. Once that project is complete, I’m done. I move on. I get a new boss.”

Wes’s features shifted from hurt to anger. “So that’s all I am to you, then?”

“That, and a good lay.” I shrugged, trying not to show how much I was hurting.What the fuck is wrong with me?

Wes laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Oh, so that’s what you’re trying to do, push me away.”Yes,I thought. “Well, guess what, sweetheart? You can push all you want, but I’m not going anywhere.”

“But I am,” I said. “I’m leaving, Wes. What don’t you get about that?”

“And I’m so fucking proud of you,” Wes said. “You deserve that job. I want you to take it. I’m not going to hold you back from following your dreams.”

I blinked slowly. That was…not the response I was expecting.

“I can see you’re confused.” He stepped closer to me. “So let me break this down for you: I fucking adore you, Ada. You are, without a doubt, the most brilliant and purposeful woman that I’ve ever met, and I would be the stupidest man alive if I let something as stupid and surmountable as distance take you away from me.”

“You don’t even know me,” I said.

Wes took a deep breath. “I know that your feet and hands are always cold no matter the weather. I know that you prefer to wake up early on the weekends because you would rather take a nap in the afternoon than sleep in. I know you love sour candy and hate repeating yourself. I know you’re always on time, and I know you’re lying about hating country music.” He paused for a minute before saying, “I know you.”

“No, you don’t. Those are all little things. Tiny things.”

“The little things are the big things, Ada. They’re the things all the big things are made of. I might not know you all the way, but I want to, and I’m just asking you to give me a chance to do that.”

I shook my head. “You don’t want me that way, Wes. You might think that you do, but you don’t. I’m not the woman for you.” My heart broke as I said it, and I had to look down at the floor. If I looked at him, I would start crying. “Once I leave, you’ll realize it. And then you’ll find her—someone as warm and bright as you.”

He was quiet, and the silence allowed me to feel the weight of my words. They were heavy enough to crush me. After a few moments, I felt Wes’s finger snake under my chin, forcing me to look at him.

I thought he would look angry, but he didn’t. He looked sincere as he said, “You say you’re not nice, or warm, or bright, or any of these other stupid fucking words that people use to describe the sun, but I never asked you to be the sun.” I rolled my eyes, trying to move them in a way that would stop the tears from falling. “I would rather have the moon anyway.”

I scoffed at him then. Acting like he was being ridiculous was my only defense mechanism. “I’m the moon?” I asked sarcastically.

“You’re the moon,” he said. “And I’m the tides. You pull me in without even trying, and I come to you willingly. I always will.”

The tears finally spilled over, and I collapsed onto the floor. Wes knelt in front of me. “I need you to be honest withme, sweetheart,” he said. “Do you want this? Do you want me?” I felt like he already knew the answer to that question but wanted to make sure I knew it too.

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

“Then we owe it to each other to try.” I stayed quiet, letting tears stream down my face. “Please, Ada, tell me we can try.”

“Okay,” I said so softly I didn’t even know if he could hear me, but he must have because he wrapped me in his arms, and I let myself melt into him. Even though I’d started it, I didn’t want to have this fight. I just didn’t know what else to do.

When I fell asleep in his arms later that night, I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, things could work out.

---