Page 69 of Swift and Saddled

“A few weeks,” I said. “Everything is starting to come together, but the last few weeks are always the hardest. There’s a punch list of a million little things.”

“That makes sense,” Emmy said. “This is your first project on this scale, right?”

Ugh. “Yeah, it is. In San Francisco, I mostly did houses, or rooms in houses, but I did do a coffee shop once.”

“Do you think you’ll go back to San Francisco?” Emmy asked. It was an innocent question. It was natural to the conversation, but it still made my throat tighten.

“No,” I said honestly. Emmy was quiet, probably waiting for me to elaborate. “I took this job for a new start. I just wanted a chance to chase my dreams.” It felt like I was chasing so much more than that now. “I have some debt on an apartment, but I’ll be able to pay it after this, and that’s the last tie I need to sever.”

“It’s funny,” Emmy said. “I get what you’re saying. I came to Meadowlark for a fresh start too.” The difference between Emmy and me, though, was that she could stay.

“Wes said Meadowlark was known for the pie, but maybe it should be known for the fresh starts,” I joked, trying toavoid getting deeper into this conversation. Our horses were walking along a trail that led into some trees up ahead.

“He is very fond of the pie.” Emmy nodded ahead of me. “He’s very fond of you, too, you know.”

I stayed quiet for a minute before I whispered, “I’m very fond of him too.”

At first, I didn’t even know if Emmy could hear me, but then she said, “Is that why you were curled up like a dead bug earlier today?”

“How did you know?” I sighed.

“Lucky guess,” she said.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I hope this isn’t weird for me to talk to you about because he’s your brother, but I think he’s great—really fucking great—but I don’t know where we can go.”

“Is there a reason it has to be about where you can go instead of where you are?” Emmy asked.

“I can’t feel stuck again,” I said. “I’ve been married, I tried the love thing, I was desperate for it. I still dream about it, but I made myself so small that I didn’t know who I was anymore.” Once I started talking, I couldn’t stop. “And now that I’ve kind of figured it out, I’ve realized that I’m not the type of person everyone likes. I’m the type of person everyone tolerates.” I let out a deep breath. “And I’m fine with that, I like who I am, but if I figured that out, it’s only a matter of time before Wes does.”

I hated how scared I sounded.

Emmy looked back at me. “If you like who you are, why is it so hard to believe that other people do too?” She turned forward again, leaving me to think about what she’d said.

I didn’t have an answer.

The silence that stretched between Emmy and me wasn’t awkward. It was contemplative. Was this what it was like to have a friend? To have someone you could talk to, who could push you and make you think? To have someone who cared about you enough to do that?

I looked around at the scenery we were passing. When I got to Rebel Blue, it wasn’t winter, but there were patches of snow. Now Rebel Blue was lush and green. I loved the way the pine trees looked pressed up against the sky.

Being on a horse wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be—probably because Moonshine and Emmy were doing all the work. I just had to sit here, but I didn’t think that I would mind learning how to do it on my own at some point.

“Ada,” Emmy said after a while, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I need to ask you for a favor.”

“Okay,” I said tentatively.

“I don’t want this to come off the wrong way, because you and Wes are grown-ups, and I am desperately trying not to meddle, but…” I heard her take a deep breath. “Don’t treat him like your final destination if he’s just a pit stop. I don’t think he’d recover from that.” She didn’t look back at me, so she couldn’t see me when I nodded.

I didn’t think I’d recover from that either.

Chapter 25

Wes

Ada fell asleep in my bed last night. She wasn’t a big cuddler when she fell asleep—she liked her space—but she always migrated closer to me during the night, and by the time I woke up, she had ahold of me like a baby koala.

She didn’t come back to the Big House until after ten last night, and I didn’t see her until she crawled into my bed around eleven-thirty. For a while, Ada had been staying in her room more than she stayed in mine, but this past week she’d slept in my bed every night.

And I couldn’t get enough.

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