Page 8 of Sticking Out

“Dani…”

She pushes past me and walks back to the table, and I make a move to follow her when I’m surrounded by bunnies. Dani glances at me over her shoulder and her fake smile falters as Naomi puts her arm around me and goes up on her toes to give me a congratulatory kiss. By the time I manage to peel her off me, Dani’s attention is on Josie and Brighton. She puts her arms in the air, and stretches, and I know that’s her classic move for making her exit. A second later, she stands, pulls on her coat and slides her finger across the screen of her phone.

I hurry to her, and take it from her hands. “Going somewhere?”

“It’s been a long week. I need sleep. You guys have fun.” She points to the door as it opens and in walk a few more players. “I’m going to grab an Uber.”

“I’ll drive you.” I slip her phone into her coat pocket, and she opens her mouth like she’s going to protest when I glare at her. She can’t ask me to be her baby daddy and then take an Uber home like nothing really happened here tonight. We need to talk. I’m not sure if everyone at the table can sense the storm going on inside of me, but they’ve mostly fallen quiet.

Dani puts her hand on my chest, like she’s done a million times before, only tonight it feels…different. I can only chalk that up to what she just asked me, and right there, that’s just one of the reasons I can’t do this. I can’t let anything come between us.

“Conner—”

“Catch up with you guys later,” I tell the guys, as I tug on my coat. I turn my focus to Dani. “Ready?” I don’t give her a chance to answer or protest. I put my hand on her back and guide her to the door. The night air whips around us, as I hurry my steps and begin the brisk walk to my car. Once there, I open the door for her and she slides in.

We’re both quiet, lost in our own thoughts as I drive to Beacon Hill. I bought the big house here when I first signed with the Bucks a few years ago. It’s too big for me, but it’s an investment. I maneuver the downtown streets, which are filled with partygoers, and while I’m excited for our win, I’m no longer in the mood to party.

As we approach our neighborhood, Dani’s soft voice pulls my attention.

“Conner.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

I grip the steering wheel tighter. “You don’t need to be sorry.” Christ, I’d once swore that if Dani was my wife, I’d walk through burning fire for her. But she’s not my wife. She married my brother. She’d chosen him.

But this is fucking important to her, dude.

The only thing she’s ever wanted was a child, a family. “I just don’t see how any of this could work.” How could we raise a baby together? Technically, she’s my sister-in-law, which makes this so twisted. Not to mention that I’m on the road during the NHL season. What kind of help could I actually be? Then again, the other guys manage.

But no… I mean, there was a time I wanted my own family, and there was a big part of me that was envious that Alec was doing all the things I wanted…but this…this is wrong. Besides, I sort of gave up on a family, not wanting to pass along my genes. What if my child ended up with my learning disorder and ended up suffering the way I had…still do?

“No, I mean…” She glances down and starts twisting the hem of her coat between her fingers. “It’s…after Alec.” My heart lurches at my brother’s name, and once again equal measures of guilt, shame, sorrow and loss hit at the same time. “I don’t want you to feel responsible for me. I don’t think I realized how I kept you from other things, other women, until tonight?—”

A burst of fierce heat moves through me. “Did someone say something to you?”

“Not in so many words, no. I just realized how much time you spend with me when you could be…out.”

Out?

I steal a fast glance at her, but she’s looking out the passenger side window. “What are you talking about?”

“You should be out having fun with the bunnies. I think the last girl I saw you with was Summer.”

“We broke up.” After my brother’s death, and me trying to be strong for everyone, I had no time for Summer, and she just sort of faded into the background.

“I know.” She shrugs and her shoulders hover around her ears. “But you’re always hanging out with me. Like you owe it to your brother, or to me, or something. I don’t know.”

“I hang out with you because I want to, not because of some sense of obligation. We’re friends, Dani. We’ve always been friends.” All the more reason we can’t have a baby together. I can’t risk losing her.

“It’s just…you should be having sex.” She winces a bit when she says sex.

“You should be having sex too,” I counter without thinking as my mind goes in a direction I’d fought hard in the past to never let it go. Maybe I’m going there tonight because she asked me to be her baby daddy—the old-fashioned way, like grandpa and grandma used to do. Okay, it’s going to take a while to wash that image from my damn brain.

I reach across the seat and take her hand in mine. “I want to ask you something and I want you to tell me the truth.” I narrow my gaze, and search her face.

She nods. Here goes nothing. “You weren’t joking earlier, were you?” She looks down, but not before I catch the embarrassment in her eyes. “We’ve always been honest with each other. No secrets.” Yeah, like you’ve been honest with her, dude. Fuck me. I’ve kept a horrible secret from her for two years. The only way I sleep at night is by telling myself there’s no need for her to know. It won’t change the past and will only hurt her. Besides, it’s not like she’s ever going to find out now. Alec is gone.

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