Page 65 of Sticking Around

I’ve never said no before, never questioned anything. I just buried shit down and did what was expected of me, but I’m fucking tired of it. “I have some things on the go.” I’m not going to abandon my mother, but I need her to understand where I’m coming from, and I hope like hell she supports me. “I’m trying to save.”

“Oh, what? You got some bunny pregnant or something?”

Okay, I guess she doesn’t understand or support. Nice. “No.”

She gives an almost hysterical laugh. “Careful, b’y. One of those bunnies will latch on and take you for everything you got.”

Is she talking from experience?

I pace back to the car, and lean on the passenger side door, which I’d left open. “I think Carl should apply for work at the plant, and take care of his own family,” I state, hardening my voice to make my point perfectly clear. “I can’t support them anymore.”

She makes a tsking sound. “You’re such a disappointment,” she says quietly, clearly changing tactics with me. “Might as well have died when you got in that accident when you were a kid, for all the good you are to me now.”

My heart hammers so loud, I can barely hear myself think. I pull the phone from my ear as she yells and I toss it onto the driver’s seat and close the door, done listening. My legs are shaky as tears pound against the back of my eyes, and for the first time in my life, I’m not sure I can keep them contained.

Jesus Christ. I can’t let anyone see me like this.

With no place to go, I start toward the water, but there are people out walking and I don’t want anyone to recognize me. The last thing I want is a conversation. I walk by the stairs to the rooftop bar, and since it’s closed, I figure maybe that’s a good place to hang out and chill for a few minutes.

I take the steps two at a time and when I reach the top and find gate locked, I simply jump it. The lights are off on the pool and I walk around it. Maybe I should go for a swim. I circle it a few times and drop into one of the lounge chairs as tonight’s loss and my conversation with my mother and uncle race around my brain like hamsters on a wheel going nowhere.

Fuck.

I look back toward the house, knowing Melanie is waiting. Jesus, she deserves better than a guy like me. This is how I get after every loss, and yes, I love the woman, but do I want to subject her to these kinds of moods. Maybe if I let myself experience more emotions, I’d get better at dealing with them.

I lay flat on my back as the quiet of the night surrounds me but does little to quiet my racing mind. Dark clouds part and make way for stars to shine bright, and that’s when I realize the chair I’m on is soaked. I still don’t move. I’m not sure I can.

As worry, responsibilities and failing to win tonight’s game weigh me down, a creaking noise grabs my attention. In the dark of the night, I turn toward the gate as someone opens it and enters the pool area. What the fuck? The place is closed for the night. Is someone robbing the place? That thought takes me back to the night I nearly poked Melanie.

I lie perfectly still, wanting to fade into the black, to disappear into the night, as footsteps sound on the pool deck. Rustling sounds behind the bar followed by slight cursing sounds reach my ears, and I sit up a bit straighter. That’s when my chair creaks and a small gasp, followed by stillness and silence curl around me. I hold my breath, not wanting to draw any attention to myself when Melanie’s voice fills the quiet.

“Is someone there?” She asks, and as the moon shines down, I spot her inching toward the gate. Shit, I scared her.

“It’s me.”

She stops moving, speaking. Christ, is she even breathing?

“Brady?”

“Yeah.”

In the darkness I see the silhouette of her moving toward me. “What’s going on? What are you doing out here?”

“I guess I could ask the same question.” Way to deflect, dude.

“I was looking for antacids. I knew we had some behind the bar.”

Worry invades my gut, and I shift, throwing both legs over the side of the lounger. “Why do you need antacids? Are you okay?”

“I have indigestion.” She closes the distance between us. “Are you okay?”

I open my mouth to tell her I’m fine, that the world is fine, that I’m living my best life, only to close it again. Who the fuck am I kidding? She can see right through me, but I don’t want to bring her down.

“You should go.”

“Brady.” Her voice is thick, layered with concern as she drops to her knees in front of me. She cups my face, and when I try to pull away, she won’t let me, and fuck, maybe I don’t want her to let me. “Why are you out here hiding?”

Jesus, this woman is astute. I scan her face in the dark, and the concern there wraps around my heart and squeezes tight. “We lost.”

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