He’s right. He doesn’t want anything to do with me, and not just because of high school. My father taught me early on there are winners and losers. I fall into the latter, and those are the people who get eaten alive. No one wants me now that I’m a nobody with no career and zero dollars in my bank account. I’m a failure and have to do whatever I have to, whatever it takes to survive in this dog-eat-dog world. The people orbiting me know those rules and are going to take advantage of them…of me.
“What position?” I ask, my tail now between my legs, because I’m no longer in charge here and I don’t want to be out on my ass.
“I need a full-time nanny, for Camryn.”
I stare at him, sure I’m misunderstanding. “I…A…what…”
“You need a job and I need a sitter for the upcoming NHL season,” he explains, as I stand before him my mouth agape. “Camryn needs more female influences in her life and you two seemed to really hit it off. You’re good with kids.”
“We have a childcare center here at the resort and I used to run programs here years ago, but that’s different. I took care of them for a few hours a day. I never had to mother them. I don’t have motherly instincts, Noah.” How could I, when I grew up only with a father?
“I don’t want her at the childcare center all day and I’m not looking for a mother. I’m looking for a nanny, and I saw first-hand how good you were with kids. I plan to offer you a very generous salary starting right away, even before I leave for the season.”
My heart sinks into my stomach when I realize he’s not kidding. Here he told me it wasn’t my fault that I failed to save the resort, yet he doesn’t trust me in my father’s position or to even go back to my old position as event coordinator. He’s reducing me to a nanny, someone to care for his little girl. He’s the boss now, and I’m his employee. Talk about making that point clear.
Then again, why would he believe I could do the job after I’d failed? I have zero confidence in myself now.
He cocks his head, his dark eyes searching my face. “It’s a win/win, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, it’s a win/win,” I tell him and try to force a smile. I’m sure I look like the village idiot on crack.
“Good.”
Honest to God, I can’t tell if he’s being genuine or being a jerk. But here’s what I do know. He’s in this for an investment, all right. An investment in payback.
3
NOAH
“Daddy, Daddy, come on,” Camryn urges, as she tugs on my hand, forcing me from my chair in my parents’ backyard.
Dad stands with me. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing, son?” he asks in a low voice, his eyes brimming with concern. I steal a glance at Mom as she smiles up at me.
“No, not really,” I groan with a laugh, but I do know that I can’t ask Mom to continue to care for Camryn after her early onset diagnosis.
“It’s not too late to get out of the deal.”
Actually, the papers have been signed and I broke the lease on my downtown apartment, so yeah, it’s a done deal. That thought nearly gives me a panic attack, because I’m not a guy to make snap decisions. I’ve been pretty methodical my entire life, never really doing anything on a whim, but when the opportunity to help Brighton and solve my childcare problem presented itself, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now though, I’m not so sure. I know Brighton is amazing with kids, and Camryn will have the time of her life living at the resort. I also know we needed to get out of my downtown apartment, and she needed to be in the right school district. But being around Brighton, watching her walk, talk, pucker her lips, combined with seeing the bed where she slept, stirred old feelings inside me.
She was the girl I could never have. Completely out of my league. That didn’t mean I didn’t want her, though. I did. Oh, how I fucking did. I thought those feelings had gone away after high school, until my daughter smeared her ice cream into that pristine white shirt she was wearing. It shouldn’t have been sexy as hell, and maybe there’s something wrong with me for thinking it was, but damn, in that moment I wanted her. All the more reason I shouldn’t have bought her resort or hired her on.
But I did, because she needs work and a place to live and I need help with Camryn. I hope she wasn’t too upset with me when I didn’t offer up her father’s position, or keep her on as event coordinator. I didn’t do that to be mean or spiteful.
The dark circles around her eyes and her aura of sadness are a good indication that she hasn’t been sleeping, and maybe hasn’t grieved her father’s death yet. She needs a break, whether she knows that or not, and when it comes right down to it, I don’t think she believes in herself anymore.
Plus, this arrangement won’t last forever. Brighton’s college education need to be put to use, but under the circumstances, with both of us under a time crunch, it was the best arrangement for all. This gives Camryn stability for the next year and after the NHL season, I’ll figure something else out.
I bend and give Mom a kiss on the forehead. “I need to go get Camryn settled in. Come tomorrow night for dinner, okay?”
“What can I bring?” Mom asks.
“Nothing. I’m cooking.”
“Oh, so then we should bring our antacids,” Dad teases and Camryn laughs, even though she has no idea what she’s laughing about.
I ruffle Camryn’s hair. “Are you ready, kiddo?”