Page 10 of Stick Move

“I was ready an hour ago,” she shoots back, and I shake my head. She’s four going on fourteen. I am not sure I’ll survive her teenage years. Dad bends and Camryn hugs him and then turns to Mom. She gives her a big kiss on the cheek and a hug before rushing to the gate.

I hurry to catch up to her, and I can’t help thinking a hit of antacid might be a good idea. I’m not sure if the flutter in my stomach is from anxiety or excitement—knowing I’m going to be seeing Brighton again.

Camryn climbs into her booster seat in the back, and secures her belt around her waist. “Daddy, is Ms. Brighton going to be like my new mommy? That’s what Becky said.”

Oh Jesus.

Before I can answer, she says, “Ms. Julie wasn’t happy that we were moving because she wanted to be my mommy.”

I adjust the rearview mirror to see her. “No, Camryn. She’s going to be your nanny. That’s very different. She’ll do fun things with you, and take care of you, and she’ll tuck you in at night and read to you, and she’ll be there for you when I’m on the road, but she won’t be your mommy.”

“That sounds like what a mommy does.”

The innocence in her big blue eyes nearly guts me. I exhale and start the car. The truth is, she’s not wrong. A nanny does all those things, but not out of love. “A nanny gets paid to take care of you.”

She frowns, and I can’t even imagine what’s going through her brain. “A mommy does it for free?”

Christ, this isn’t coming out right. “Yes, mommies and daddies do it for free because they love their children.”

She picks up her stuffed cat and plucks at the whiskers. “My mommy doesn’t take care of me so she doesn’t love me.”

My heart jumps into my throat, and the flutter in my belly turns into a burn in my esophagus. As I take in her frown, I could fucking sob.

“It’s not that. She just had to go away. It’s not that she didn’t love you.”

“Why didn’t she come back? When you go away, you always come back.” Fear moves over her face. “You’re always going to come back, aren’t you, Daddy?”

Fuck me.

“Of course, I am, Bean.”

She giggles. “I’m not a bean. Why do you call me that?”

“Because when you were born, you were like a long string bean.” I hold my arms out to show her.

“I don’t even like beans.”

“Well, I love beans and I love you.”

“Was Mommy pretty?”

Visions of Shayla race through my mind. “Of course, she was. You have her big blue eyes, remember?”

“I want to go swimming,” she announces, and I pull away from the curb, happy for the change in subject.

“We can go swimming, but we have some unpacking to do.” I actually have most of it done. I wanted Camryn to sleep in her own bed tonight, surrounded by her things, to make this transition a bit easier. I left a few of her things in boxes to make it feel like she’s part of the process.

She pouts. “I don’t want to unpack.”

“You want to sleep with bunny tonight, don’t you?”

“Fine,” she mumbles as I drive us to our new home, which really isn’t that far from Mom and Dad’s place and I’m happy about that. I want to be closer for Camryn and if they need me.

A short while later, I pull up in front of our new estate and glance at Camryn, to see her reaction. Her eyes go big. “Daddy, do we live here now?”

“We do. Do you want to see your room?”

She unbuckles quickly. “I do.” I exit the car as she opens her door and dashes to the front steps. She tries the door, but it’s locked. I pull my key out, about to unlock it, when the door swings open. Brighton puts a big smile on her face, which seems strained when she glances at me, but turns genuine as she bends to greet Camryn.

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