Page 119 of Don't Believe A Word

MIA: ‘I don’t feel I have a choice. If I don’t you’ll lock me in a cupboard again.’

SADIE: ‘You’re right, I will, until the police get here.’

MIA: ‘What are you doing?’

SADIE: ‘I’ve decided you should go into the cupboard anyway. I don’t want you running away before I’ve finished.’

MIA: ‘There’s no need of that … Let me go, please. I promise I’ll sit here and listen.’

SADIE: ‘If you move from that chair you know I’ll catch you and this time I’ll put you in there without a light on.’

Mia’s next words were indistinguishable as she muttered angrily, or helplessly, probably both.

SADIE: ‘This entry in Lottie’s journal is dated Tuesday eighth of March, 2005.2005.Do you remember that year?’

MIA: ‘You don’t have to shout. I can hear you perfectly well.’

SADIE: (reading) ‘“We received a note today from someone claiming to be Sadie’s mother. It was a terrible shock, coming out of the blue like that. Maybe we should have been better prepared, but how do you prepare for something so earth-shattering? She wants to see her child, she says, and we have to believe she’s who she’s claiming to be because she goes on to describe how she left ‘Sasha’ on the beach five years ago.

‘“We can’t let it happen, of course, for any number of reasons, although most of all it will be far too disruptive for dear Sadie when she’s so settled with us now and such a happy little child. She’s about to have her seventh birthday and she’s doing well at school, at sports, at just about everything she sets her mind to. We are tremendously proud of her, I guess you could say we’re like satellites revolvingaround her sweet little world. It would be very hard for me to give her up, but it would devastate Mia and I can’t have that. Mia needs Sadie in a way I don’t, although I defy her to love her any more than I do. I have a life elsewhere with my darling Robert who I plan to go to soon, when the time is right for us both. Mia’s whole existence revolves around Sadie – insofar as it revolves around anyone apart from herself. Such a needy and selfish woman, I actively detest her at times, but of course I love her too.

‘“I debated for a long time over whether I should tell her about the note from Sadie’s mother, and in the end decided I had to. I need to ensure that we are protected from blackmail, because that’s what this could be about. After all, why would the woman suddenly turn up now asking for contact, when she could have come any time over the past five years? We’re both certain she can be paid to go away, so I’m considering meeting her in the café she’s suggested. Apparently she’s going to be there every morning this week so I can choose my day. If I go I have to make sure we’re in a window seat so that Mia can take photographs from across the street. This will give us a record of the meeting – blackmail attempt – should we need it later. Mia’s idea, not mine, but no point arguing.

‘“Thursday tenth of March, 2005: I still haven’t been to the café. Mia is as frightened as I knew she would be. She’s angry too. Apart from valuing her freedom and good name, she truly believes no one has a right to take Sadie away. This attributes a depth of feeling to my sister that I’m not entirely sure she possesses. She’s all about ownership and control, and can’t bear the idea of anyone challenging her. I believe that sometimes she despises me simply for being an equal partner in our fortune, but worse than that, she’s jealous of Robert. Not that she knows his name. I’ve told her nothing about him, it’s best that way, but she’s not a fool, she knows there’s someone and I’m sure she’d do anything,anythingto make him go away, mostly out of fear of me leaving her. She’ll probably fall apart if I do. I feel sorry about that, but I’m afraid he means more to me thanshe does. I’m already wracked with guilt about leaving the child with only Mia to take care of her, she’ll be damaged for life and the dear little thing doesn’t deserve that. Will I actually be able to make myself go when the time comes?

‘“Friday eleventh of March, 2005: I still haven’t gone into the café, but I’ve seen Sadie’s mother there waiting in case I show up. A man is always with her and I want to find out who he is before I go in. Unfortunately we have no idea how to do that as we have no contact details for the woman who calls herself Janina. Mia is certain he’s a thug who’s going to force us to give Sadie up. She could be right, but he surely can’t do that in a public place, so I’ve decided I’ll go tomorrow. If they’re not there, all well and good; if they are I guess I’ll just listen to what they have to say. If it is about blackmail we’ll go straight to the police. Or maybe not. It’s a very complicated situation, especially after all we’ve done to make our girl officially ours. If our crimes are revealed it will be an end to everything and there will be nothing we can do to stop Sadie being taken away. It could even mean prison and I don’t think Mia would survive that. I’m not sure I would either.”’

There was a pause in the recording leaving Cristy to imagine Sadie looking at her aunt, perhaps to be sure she was paying attention, or hoping for some sort of response. It was impossible to know what was going on in those moments, only that there was a silence before Sadie started reading again.

SADIE: (reading) ‘“Saturday twelfth of March, 2005. I met with the mother this morning and it turns out the man is Sadie’s father. I have no idea if that’s true, but it’s what they claimed. He said almost nothing, only watched me, as though keen for me to listen and understand what was being said. They called Sadie ‘Sasha’, of course, but I stuck with Sadie, wanting to press it home that the child they’d abandoned was someone else now. A happy, rounded little girl, who was loved and cared for, and who had every advantage in life – and no memories of them. I added thatpart and saw the mother flinch, but why not? I’m sure it’s true. I asked why they would want to deprive Sadie of so much (feeling certain they couldn’t equal it) and why they were only coming to find her now when there had surely been many opportunities to reclaim her since they’d abandoned her. The mother flinched again and the father looked as though he might cry. Strange man.

‘“As I listened to Janina’s reasons for leaving Sadie in our care I have to admit to being profoundly shocked – and moved. She claims she was trafficked to the UK back in ’97 and though poorly treated by the men who brought her, she was taken to the man who’d paid a large sum for her to become his ‘companion’. This was George, Sadie’s father. He’s apparently a man of some means and standing, although you wouldn’t know it to look at him. Handsome, yes, and strongly built, just not assertive or even confident enough to speak up for his wife (are they married?) or his child. When they got onto how he’d been used, exploited, by a criminal gang I began to see him in a different light and of course I felt sorry for him. Apparently the leader of this gang, someone by the name of Matis Albescu, or his son (some confusion there), has been holding Janina captive for the past five years. She didn’t go into detail of what she’d been subjected to during that time, but she didn’t have to, I am familiar enough with these kinds of stories to know what happens to girls in her position. And actually, I could see the trauma of it in her eyes. Naturally, I’m deeply upset by the experiences she’s suffered, no one deserves such a fate, but in my opinion – and Mia agrees – it makes her an even less suitable parent for Sadie.

‘“Monday fourteenth of March, 2005. The question that’s been plaguing me since meeting Sadie’s mother is whether or not I’ll be able to live with myself if I deny her access to her own child? Mia keeps ranting on about it being madness to allow the woman into our lives, and of course it would be. We might never be rid of her, and sooner or later Sadie will find out who she really is and what then? So how can we make her go away? I’m really not sure money willdo it. It wasn’t mentioned while I was at the café and if the father’s as comfortably off as they claim, they don’t need it. So now I am considering Mia’s idea of tracing this Albescu character and telling him where he can find his missing sex worker.”’

MIA: ‘It was not my idea! It was hers.’

SADIE: ‘Did you try to stop her?’

MIA: ‘Yes, of course, it was a monstrous idea that only someone like Lottie could think up. You never really knew her, Sadie. All she wanted was to be with some doctor she’d met in Africa who she always claimed had saved her life. She wanted to keep you here, with me, so I wouldn’t be alone when she left to be with him. She thought I didn’t know that, but I did. She told herself it would stop me from going after her, from falling apart, from exposing the fact that we’d taken a child –you– and made you our own …’

Sadie’s voice was emotionless as she continued.

SADIE: (reading) ‘“Wednesday sixteenth of March, 2005. I have contacted Janina and invited her to meet me at the Sark View house so we can talk some more. I’d rather Mia wasn’t around, but she’s insisting that she has to be. It’s a shame she doesn’t trust me, her own sister, to do what’s best for us all.”’

MIA: ‘Sadie! Listen to me—’

SADIE: ‘No, Mia, you are listening to me.’

MIA: ‘Yes, yes, of course, but you have to understand—’

SADIE: (reading) ‘“Friday eighteenth of March, 2005. Janina has agreed to meet me at Sark View. I asked her to come alone in the hope she’ll feel more intimidated – acquiescent might be a better word – if she’s outnumbered. Mia has found herself a gun, heaven only knows where from. It doesn’t work, I’ve made sure of that …”’

MIA: ‘I never had a gun. Never!’

SADIE: (reading) ‘“I don’t anticipate anyone being hurt, unless, of course, Mia has managed over the past few days to make contact with this Matis Albescu character. Then, obviously, things won’t go well for Janina. Him taking custody again is an answer, of course, just not the one I’d have preferred.

‘“Saturday nineteenth of March, 2005. I waited at Sark View all day yesterday but Janina didn’t come. Sadie seems fretful this morning, I’m not sure why. Mia thinks we’re being watched and that something terrible is going to happen. I asked what she imagines that might be, but she seems not to have any idea.

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