Page 205 of We Can't Be Friends

He reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out a collection of photos rubber banded together. “These are from her pregnancy and the year she spent with you.”

“You’ve held onto them.” The expression on my face is a combination of confusion and astonishment.

“For you.” I flip through them. Her blues eyes magnetic, a mirror image of mine. “You look like her.”

“Why didn’t you two tell me?”

“You wouldn’t have understood at a young age.”

“But when I was older. . .”

“We decided it was better that you didn’t know. And I’m sorry we took that away from you.”

“I’ve always wondered why she hated me, why I could never be enough for her. Constant critique and demands to be more like them. It was because I was never hers, never would be able to be like them.”

“Callum, I promise deep down she loves you. After Holland passed, even as hesitant as Sienna was, that woman loved you. There were nights when you wouldn’t stop crying. Screaming and wailing that we thought your little lungs would give out. She would hold you or sleep on the floor in your room with one hand in your crib to make sure you were okay.

“Then, your second Christmas, when you understood what Santa and gifts were. Oh, you were spoiled. She couldn’t stop buying you presents. Anything you wanted or touched in a store, she’d get. She loved you.”

“What changed?”

“I can’t answer that because I don’t know.”

“You saw how she spoke to me. How she treated me in comparison to them.”

“I did.”

“Then why didn’t you do anything? Was I always just some mistake?”

“Never, Callum. You aren’t a mistake. We always wanted the four of you to see us as a unified front. We’d speak in private about how she was treating you. I’d call her out, try to help correct her parenting, but she is her own person who gets to decide heractions. I cannot control her or force her to behave a certain way. It hurt me. It put a strain on our relationship. It hurts to know how she treated you did this damage to you.”

“All I wanted was for her to love me. To see me like them and Audrey. To be proud of me.” He starts to speak, but I cut him off. “She won’t. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. I need to accept this. I’ll never be them.”

“You don’t need to be them. You only need to be you.” He cups my shoulder. “I’m beyond proud of the man that you are, Callum, and I love you. Always.”

Young Callum needed those words. Adult Callum needed them more.

“What was my mom’s name?”

“Holland Jasper.”

“My middle name.”

“And your first name, Callum. That was your great-grandfather who raised her.”

I know I’ll never get to meet her in this life, but somehow I know in my next life I will. But for now having those names, I feel close to her.

“Will you tell me more about her?”

59

CHLOE

At the airport, I changed my destination to Boston. Taking a few additional days of PTO, my dad awaited me in the private terminal with my favorite hug. Cal staying to confront his problems inspired me to do the same.

“Oh, it’s good to see you, freckles.” He kissed the top of my head, enveloping me in his sharp musk and cedarwood smell.

I tried to call Cal, but he didn’t answer. Time difference aside, I’m doing my best to respect his wishes. We’ve texted sporadically this week.

---