Audrey licks her lips before reminding me I should never assume someone’s sexual preference. “Her.”
I apologize with a smile.
“It’s okay. Not a lot of people know.” She downs her martini, raising her hand to the waiter for another. I tap the light in the center of the table to brighten the glow around us. “That’s why we are taking a break.”
“Was it you or—”
“Me. Maya—that’s her name.”
“When did you realize you preferred women?”
“Second year of university. That’s when we met. She was my history tutor for a year before she graduated. She moved, but we stayed in contact. I flirted, dated, had a few hookups—guys andgirls. When Maya moved back for a teaching job, we met for coffee, and well, one thing led to another.”
“How long were you two dating?”
“About a year, but Maya wanted to meet my family.”
“And you didn’t want that?”
She nods, thanking the server for her drink. “Our mom is particular, you could say. She holds us to high expectations, loads of pressure—especially him. Neither of us want to let her down.”
“Instead you chose to let yourself and Maya down?”
“Unfortunately. In the moment that seemed easier than knowing Mom was disappointed.”
The more Audrey talks, the picture I have of Callum becomes more vivid. I see how his insecurities were built from their mom.
Audrey continues telling me about her parents and why she was nervous. At some point I think we rounded the corner of seeing how it doesn’t matter what her mom thinks, she deserves to be happy and herself.
When Maya asked for space, Audrey landed herself in Chicago.
“Do you want to tell me more about her?”
Audrey can’t stop smiling while she gushes about Maya. Her cheeks are tattooed red and I can positively assume she loves her.
She describes Maya as if she were reciting poetry.
A pit forms in my stomach, a hollowness at the realization that no one has or ever will talk about me this way. I’ve never allowed it. I push them away before they have a chance to honestly know me. See me.
Who would have a chance to ever speak highly of me? Who could be so in love with me that they cut bangs and fly across the world? Or book a one-way ticket to chase after what they wanted?
I climb myself out of the hole before I get too deep. “It sounds to me that you love her?”
“I do.”
“You should tell them, Audrey. Start with Callum.”
“You’re right.” She chews on her lip, fidgeting. “Do you think Cal’s going to care?”
“No,” I tell her earnestly. “He loves you and wants you to be happy. Plus he might have a hunch that something is wrong.”
“Thanks, Chloe. Outside of Emerson and Beatrix, I don’t have a lot of girlfriends.” I could say the same. “I’m glad you are with my brother.” She winks.
“We aren’t together.”
“Whatever.” Audrey changes the conversation and her mood swiftly. “I know this is supposed to be fake, but what I saw earlier was definitely not fake.”
I choke on my red wine. The Tempranillo burning my throat. “We are friends, roommates, and—”