Page 10 of We Can't Be Friends

George is going to be a dad.

The new mom and dad glance at each other.

“I’ve got good swimmers!” George cheers.

Beatrix rolls her eyes. “I’m pregnant,” she confirms.

There are a few rounds of congratulations from both Liam and me, and we’re so excited for you. Beatrix thanks us, then leaves the room.

“Cannot believe you are going to be a dad,” Liam says.

“Me either. Crazy, right?”

“At least one of us has our love life figured out.”

“You will, and then that’ll leave Cal.”

Then that’ll leave Cal, the comment echoes in my head.

I like my life alone. Living, unless I’m here, by myself at age thirty, with a great job and the best friends.

But is it enough?

I try to convince myself that it’s enough, and most of the time, it’s the truth. Nights like these, though, it’s a lie.

Being single is a decision I made. I know if I wanted to be in a relationship, I could find someone easily. I’ve never had an issue finding someone to take home on the days I feel the most alone.

The difference is that I haven’t wanted more than that. I don’t want to find someone, tether myself to them, only to fail at being who they want me to be. What if they can’t love me for me?

That’s all I ever did growing up. Failed one expectation after another.

I’m seven years younger than my youngest older brother. Immediately, I was thrown into Jack and Harrison’s shadows. While I didn’t receive their hand-me-downs, my life was a hand-me-down to theirs.

They played football? I played football.

They ate brussels sprouts? I ate brussels sprouts.

They were in chess club? I was in chess club.

My life was a mirror to theirs, and at first, I loved it.

Slowly, I learned to despise it because I was never good enough compared to them. I was a hamster on a never-ending wheel. Running and running, believing that if I do this or that, I would finally be seen. Loved.

I’m not oblivious to realizing it’s why I am the way I am now—calculated, orderly, thriving on control—and how this has fed into other aspects of my life.

I’m scared shitless to let Liam down. Grinding every day to checkboxes for Hayes Hotels, fearful that if we don’t hit the next milestone or open another hotel, it’ll be my fault—it’s happened once years ago. I tried to quit, but he wouldn’t let me.

On the bed, my gaze drops to my phone.MOMis across the screen in white bold letters.

Why is she up this late?

I understand George, but my mom? Strange.

Quickly, I hop off the bed, finding my balance. Liam tosses my phone, and I answer on the second ring right before it goes to the third. She would be irritated if it went to a third.

“Mom.”

“Callum, honey. How are you?” she asks me, even though I know she doesn’t actually care. It’s the nuances and formalities.

---