Page 98 of Summertime Friends

“Don’t quote me on it, but that’s how it sounded.” She takes a sip of her coffee. “I’m assuming the unfinished business is you.”

Do people still change their relationship status on Facebook? If they do, mine should read Emerson Clarke is in an unfinished business relationship with Liam Hayes. Not ‘it’s complicated’. Not even ‘in a relationship’ because we weren’t ever really in one either by standard definitions.

“I think unfinished business is the type of Band-Aid I’ve been using.”

“Are you saying he’s a bullet hole?” She rolls her eyes. Chloe hates it when Natalie and I use Taylor Swift lyrics as facts of life.

“He’s more than that. He’s—” How do I put this into words to her? Are there even words that summarize who Liam is to me? Do I even know what he is to me anymore? “Everything to me. I think he’s the only love of my life.”

“Then why haven’t you been upfront with Natalie?”

I burst out in laughter, picking up my mug and trying to drink the coffee to stifle the laughter.

“What’s funny about what I asked?”

“It’s all ironic. Do you know what it’s like to really be Natalie’s friend?”

“Yes?”

“Now? Yes. Your entire life? No.” I shake my head. “Growing up, Natalie was the girl every boy wanted. I became the bonus, the addition that she’d drag along to dances or on movie dates. It annoyed a lot of the boys she dated, but she didn’t care. Finally, in our senior year of high school, I liked someone, and he seemed to like me back. He often asked about Natalie, and I thought hewas simply interested in getting to know my friend. I was wrong. He liked Natalie and was using me to get to her. Happened again freshman year of college, furthering my fear of never being enough. I dated around, but I held onto those instances in the back of my mind. That sliver of hurt was there but was easy to push aside because I was never interested in anything more with those guys. . . until Liam. It wasn’t right away with him, but over time something clicked. Every limb, vein, hair—every part of me felt alive. He noticed me, wanted me, and made me feel as if I was enough for him. When I returned home, I didn’t want to tell her about him because she was being a bitch. Also, for fear that she’d figure out a way to go after him, even though he was in London. Call it post-traumatic ex-boyfriend disorder. It probably would have stopped this from happening if I had told her about him.”

“Probably.” She reaches out to hold my hand. “I’m sorry you felt that way. That you felt the need to keep this big part of your life from her and, ultimately, me too.”

“When you say it like that, it sounds even more stupid.”

“It’s not. I can’t believe that’s him. Well, actually, I can. I put the pieces together the night we watched Love Island at Natalie’s. Now that I know it is, I gotta say it. . . he’s HOT.” Chloe fans herself off.

“Trust me, I know. Liam looks even better now than he did three years ago.”

“You never disclosed why you two split. Will you tell me now?”

I spent the next twenty minutes filling in all the gaps from what I had told her previously. It was my own twisted version of Mad Libs.

What did my friends know? I met someone in Lisbon and became best friends, went on a couple of summer vacations together, fell for him, and it ended. What they didn’t know? His name. Oh, and I never showed them a picture. Neither of us ever posted anything on social media.

You know the saying it’s not you, it’s me? I’m starting to believe that it’s me, not them, and I can’t keep tying these emotions and blame to Liam and Natalie.

“What are you going to do about it now?”

“Nothing. There isn’t anything I can do.”

“You’re joking, right? You can’t do nothing. If he’s calling it with Natalie, this is your chance, Em. Second chances don’t come around often.”

“Before you walked up, Liam said he’d call it off with Natalie if I could admit to him how I feel.”

“And. . . ?” She’s looking at me dumbfounded.

“I think it’s pretty obvious how I feel.”

“Obvious doesn’t cut it. You need to say it. How. Do. You. Feel?” Chloe asks, cutting through all of my bullshit.

“I-” I swallow. “I still love Liam. He’s the love of my life. We could have had it all, easily. Those three years without him, I felt more alone than I did as a child. Being around him again is resurfacing all of those emotions I buried deep inside me. I can’t decide if how I feel is what everyone else feels when they’re in love or if what Liam makes me feel is unique. A type of love so intense that I think it’s the very substance that makes up my bones and pumps through my veins. But he’s been, is with Natalie. . . I don’t know, ugh. I’m not going to hurt her by admitting how I feel. Him bouncing from her to me?”

Chloe sighs. “He’s about to be the greatest loss of your life if you don’t tell him.”

40

LIAM

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