Page 137 of Summertime Friends

“Natalie’s plot, not mine. Please don’t lose sight of the fact that we are together. That’s why it’s not a big deal.”

“If she never told you, who would you be with?” I ask boldly.

Liam stares at me. A beat of silence passes between us—I swear it could have been an hour—before he says, “You.”

“That should have been a quicker answer for you. I knew this wouldn’t work.” I say pointedly. I let out an annoyed sigh.

“Am I not in the same relationship? This has been working. What do you mean?”

“I wasn’t enough then, and sure as hell am not enough now,” I say with a bite.

Liam shakes his head; the anguish he must feel is showing, and I know I’m the one who caused it. I’ve seen it before, the only other time I hurt him. Again, in mindless retaliation for him hurting me.

He raises his head, our eyes meeting. The gray in them is nowhere to be seen; they’re the iciest shade of blue. “You’re right. You aren’t just enough. You are more than enough. I don’t know how else to make you see that.”

It’s exhausting being the girl silently begging people to pick you, choose you, and love you. Our entire relationship, that’s all I’ve wanted from him. I wanted Liam to pick me, but somehow, I blinded myself to all the ways he was. It wasn’t loud or obnoxious. It was quiet and steady. Exactly the way I would want to be picked, chosen, and loved.

But as much as being that Emerson is exhausting, it’s easy to fall back into her patterns.

“I guess I’m still fucked in the head,” I throw the words out too easily, instantly regretting it.

“You aren’t States. You never have been. Don’t give up now, please,” he begs. I peek at his cart, realizing there are ingredients to make breakfast—the meal I could eat forever. Liam rememberedbecause he knows me—better than I think I know myself. “I was planning on showing up with dinner—to cook together. I want this.”

“I’m not saying I don’t want this either—”

Liam nods his head toward me, brows shooting up. “I believe your words were that you knew this wouldn’t work,” he says as I was thinking the same thing.

“I-I don’t know.”Do I anymore? After everything, I still can’t let him all the way in. What is wrong with me?

I push my nails into my thumb, trying to feel a different sort of pain. Ashamed with myself and knowing I can’t give him the answers he deserves.

“Okay. That—if that is what you can give, then I’ll accept for now. But Emerson, please understand that I’m not going to stop.”

“Stop what?” My eyes go big, slightly taken back by him right now. Me wanting to fight and push him away. Liam realizing that and still wanting to pull me closer to him.

Liam swivels his cart, pushing it next to mine. I hope we aren’t blocking other customers. We are taking up the entire width of the aisle, the fronts of our shoulders touching. He looks over his shoulder and says, “Showing you how much I love you.”

I pull my bottom lip in between my teeth. “Okay,” I say in slight defeat. He’s tenacious, and I’m tired of fighting this.

A slow smile stretches across Liam’s face before he pushes his cart forward and walks away. I finish grocery shopping, catching glimpses of him, before returning to my apartment.

An hour later, dinner is waiting for me outside my door.

56

EMERSON

Now

Liam didn’t stop his DRAGS or daily relationship affirmation gifts and acts of service, as Chloe keeps calling them. I figured it out after our encounter at Trader Joe’s.

Chloe has genuinely done her best to keep me from being alone in my thoughts, but it hasn’t fully helped.

It’s not that I feel alone because there aren’t people surrounding me. Chloe is practically glued to my side. She isn’t allowing me to go through this heartbreak alone this time.

“What are you doing here?” I ask Natalie as I walk up to Chloe's designated meeting spot for our walk.

Tucker wags his tail as I approach. I bend down to pet his head and am met with a slobbery kiss across my face.

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