Page 45 of Shattered Dreams

Tears fill her eyes, and they glimmer in the starlight. “You said you would never leave me.”

“I won’t, but there are things more important than us. Your health is one of them. I’m not going to take back my apology. Had I done what Max asked at the time of his death instead of waiting, things could have been better. I resented him, I was jealous of him, and I didn’t settle his estate because I hated him for dying on me and I hated myself for it.”

She burrows into my chest, and I tangle my fingers in her hair. “I still say things happen how they’re meant to happen,” she says.

“People only say that to feel better about the choices they’ve made. I doubt Zane tells himself platitudes like that.”

“Zane’s happy now. He has Stella.”

“And I have you.”

We let the dogs play for a little longer and Zarah and I explore the woods. She tries to draw out my visit, and we end up eating thick slices of Lucille’s French silk pie in bed. She talks me into making love to her one last time, and I do, slow and sweet.

I leave her sleeping, the sheets tangled around her legs, and while Baby snores beside me in the truck, worn out after all that playing, I sit and stare into the dark, worrying about just how true my words really are.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Zarah

It’s hard not to resent everyone for giving me what I said I wanted. Waking up alone, swallowing my new dosage of medication without Ingrid watching me, showering and dressing alone without anyone to talk to. I went from having so many people in my face to practically nobody, and I can’t be upset about it because it’s what I wanted. I let Ingrid go, I insisted Zane and Stella get married and hide for a few days at the Crowne in lieu of a honeymoon, it’s my fault Gage is wary about me and how I feel about him, and it’s a hundred percent my fault he’s keeping his distance so I don’t hurt him again.

Lucille’s moving around downstairs in the kitchen, and by now she’ll have let the dogs out and fed them, made coffee and breakfast, and put together an assortment of pastries to bring to her charities and meetings. Without us in the house, she’ll scrub the place down from top to bottom in anticipation of Zane and Stella coming home husband and wife.

I still haven’t given up on the idea of moving into the penthouse once I’m back from visiting Mel, or maybe becausethings have changed since we moved out to the country, Zane and Stella will want to live there instead. I’ve heard my brother say more than once he dislikes the commute and Stella will have an easier time attending classes on campus.

Maybe I could move into a smaller place in the city. I liked Willow’s apartment. She had all the space she needed and it was still elegant and felt like her. I wonder what she’ll do now that she’s free. I want to see her again, and I tuck a note into the back of my mind to call her once I’m back in King’s Crossing.

My stomach is too knotted to eat anything and I skip going into the kitchen, but Lucille meets me in the foyer and gives me a long, hard hug goodbye. Douglas has already stowed my suitcases in the trunk and he’s waiting to help me into the car. Standing in the doorway, Sansa and Arya sitting at her feet, Lucille waves as I climb inside.

We bump down our long driveway toward the highway, and I text Gage.I miss you already. Don’t get into trouble. :).I want to ask if he’s still seeing Sierra on the side, but I suppose if he is,Truth or Darewill report it.

At Max’s with my mom. Fly safely. Let me know when you land, please. Love you. <3

I will. Love you, too.

He sends another heart, and I put my phone away. If he and his mom are cleaning out Max’s apartment, he won’t have time to talk.

Zane and Stella are parked near the private airstrip when we arrive, and he’s leaning against the SUV, his hands shoved into the deep pockets of his jacket. He’s frowning, and even from this distance I can see he’s looking a little green. I hope he can get over his fear of flying. They’ll never be able to join Gage and me when we travel, and I want that more than anything. The four of us seeing the world, finally living, all the bad stuff behind us.

Douglas parks and opens the car door. I step out into the chilly wind, and he presses a chaste kiss to my cheek. He’s happy I’m starting to do things on my own, and smiling, he unloads my suitcases out of the trunk.

“Hey, don’t look like that,” I call to my brother, my breath turning white in the cold.

“Can’t help it. It’s irrational, but I can’t stop. We’re not going to hang around to watch you take off. It’s selfish of me, but is that okay?”

“I don’t mind.” I’ll be tucked warmly inside while the pilot waits for clearance. There’s no reason he and Stella need to stay.

“I hope you have a good time,” she says, embracing me. “I wish I could go with you.”

“You should have.”

“This is your trip, and Zane said something about one of ties...” She fades off, laughing, the sex talk turning her cheeks pink. “Tell her we said hello. We miss her and don’t keep in touch nearly enough.”

I quirk my lips in amusement. “I will. You guys have fun.”

The pilot trots down the plane’s stairs and shakes our hands, introducing himself. He knows our tragic history and assures us the weather is clear and there won’t be any delays or problems. His eyes are bright, and he’s grinning. I trust his judgment and when he winks, I smile.

Zane clears his throat. Stella’s joking didn’t ease his anxiety. “Well, your suitcases are on board. We should probably get going. Have a good time, Z. This will be good for you.”

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