Page 33 of Shattered Dreams

Her breath floats across my skin, and her words settle deep in my gut soothing the burn Jerricka’s accusations caused. “She made me feel like a user, like I shouldn’t be allowed to touch you. It hit me hard because all I ever tried to do is show you how I feel and how making love is supposed to be between two people who love each other.”

“You did. She wanted me to understand I was giving myself to you freely, not for anything in return. I express a lot of fear in my sessions, Gage. Fear about sex, relationships, and being used. She was concerned I was giving you sex in exchange for a commitment, but after breaking up with you, I know that’s not true. I was giving you my body because I wanted to give you more of me, and I was trying to show you how I feel. Nothing else.”

I roll onto my side and nuzzle her mouth with mine. “I’m going to need time to get over what she said. It was a kick in theteeth after trying my best to give you what you needed at a pace that didn’t scare you.”

“I know. That’s my fault.”

“No blame. Maybe some miscommunication. Instead of talking to her, talk to me. You and I should be having those conversations. She doesn’t know how I feel or what I want out of our relationship. If you’re scared about something that concerns me, that concerns us, talk to me, and we’ll work it out.”

“I promise. Thank you.”

“Get some sleep. Everything feels so fucked up when you’re tired. Are you doing okay after what happened last night?”

Wiggling against my chest, she murmurs, “I am now.”

I don’t wake up until Stella’s bouncing on the bed, saying something about payback for Zarah doing it to her and Zane.

I can’t be embarrassed Stella caught me with my pants down. The look of love and utter devotion on Zarah’s face sweeps away any irritation.

We eat a takeout pasta dinner Stella and Zane brought to the penthouse, sitting informally in the kitchen downstairs, and we spend the rest of the night watching a romcom the girls pick out.

Zane takes in Zarah curled up in my lap and he tips his head at me, thanking me, perhaps, for hanging in there.

After the movie, the girls run upstairs to Zarah’s room to look through her closet and decide which clothes she should pack for her trip to LA, and over the last bites of tiramisu and sips of cooling coffee, Zane mutters we have an appointment to talk to Dr. Mallory early next week.

“How did you manage that?”

“I might have mentioned I found something he’s missing.”

“Was that smart? Won’t he run now?” That’s been my experience, whether or not the suspect is guilty. They hide in fear, even if they’re innocent. I can’t imagine what Mallory thought of Zane’s phone call. He could be cowering in my little stilted cabin in Bora Bora right now.

“No. He wants his watch back.”

I shrug. “I guess I would, too.”

“Zarah said you’re going to her appointment tomorrow.” He rolls a bite of tiramisu around in his mouth and then swallows it. “I’ve given up her care once before and I won’t do it again, but I appreciate your interest.”

“I don’t give a shit about your appreciation. If this is going to work, I need to be all in. Stella warned me trust doesn’t come cheap, and I get that, but I’ve done nothing to make anyone doubt my intentions. I stayed away when she told me to, and I come when she calls, every time. That should count for something. Actually, that should count for a helluva lot.” I hate I sound bitter, but...“I’m not going to pay for what the Blacks did to you and your family. That’s a hard pass, no matter how much I love your sister.”

“That’s fair, and I want to prove I do trust you. After Zarah comes back from LA, it would mean a lot if you moved in here. She’s worried about living at the house now that Stella and I are married.”

“No.”

Zane looks up from his dessert plate, his eyes wide. Yeah, I bet people don’t tell him no very often.

“We’re not ready for that. She dumped me to have space. She needs time to learn she can be in a relationship and still be her own person. I won’t crowd her, even if it would keep her safe. I felt like shit leaving this morning but it was a smart move, so thanks for the summons. You have no idea of the tightrope I’mwalking on when it comes to her, and if that pisses you off, so be it.”

He rests his arm along the back of the couch and props an ankle on his knee. He’s dressed casually, jeans and a button-down shirt. No tie. More relaxed than I’ve seen him in a while. Marrying Stella must have done him some good. There’s a security in saying vows and signing papers. It hurts thinking Zarah and I may never have that, but it’s part of the tightrope I balance with her, for her, every day.

“Stay here tonight, at least?” he asks.

“I—” I blow out a breath. “Fine.”

I was going to say no, but leaving her alone tonight would be harder than this morning, and there’s nowhere for me to go except a cold and empty apartment. Pop said he’d keep Baby overnight, but I backed out of watching the divorcée and he gave me a hard time. I had to push down a lot of guilt because I said I would keep him company and I hate going against my word.

Zane leans forward, the fight forgotten with my acquiescence. “They let Willow Black go this morning.”

“Yeah?” I scramble to think of what that means.

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