Page 32 of Shattered Dreams

“But I need to give you something, Gage. One day you’ll get tired of not getting anything back.”

I blow out a breath. I know her well enough to know she needs me to answer her. Something tangible, something she can look forward to after all this is over. I smooth my thumb over her cheek. “You know those cabins on stilts? They’re built in the ocean and have glass floors?”

She frowns. “Yes?”

“I don’t know where they are. Tahiti, or Bora Bora, or Bali, wherever the hell? When your doctor has finished weaning you off those drugs, I want us to go there. I’ve never been out of the United States. We’ll stay in one of those stilted cabins, and we’ll make love on the floor while the fish swim under us.”

She fights a smile. “That doesn’t seem like a fair trade.”

“Okay. You drive a hard bargain. Throw in a bucket of beer.”

“Can Zane and Stella come?”

“That would be perfect.”

She hugs me, wrapping her arms around my waist. There. I gave her something to shoot for, something she knows she can give me. It’s not about the fact that a vacation like that is worth thousands and thousands of dollars I’d never be able to afford on my own, but it’s that she can give it to me and that’s enough.

I pick her up, bringing us face to face. “Do you still feel squishy inside when we’re together?”

“Yes,” she answers breathlessly, clinging to my shoulders. I should have given her a little warning that I was going to sweep her off her feet.

“You know that’s love, don’t you?”

She scrubs her fingers through my beard. “I didn’t then. When we met. I do now.”

“Don’t leave me again unless that feeling is gone. That’s the only time I’ll believe you and the only time I’ll accept it. If you tell me you still have that feeling and try to dump me, I won’t leave, but if you tell me it’s gone, I won’t come back. In the future, choose wisely. I told you a long time ago you are in control and that hasn’t changed. It’s your call, every time.”

“You’ll never leave me.”

I search her eyes, sad, dark pools. “I love you, Zarah. I will never leave you.”

“What if I don’t get better? You said you wouldn’t marry me.”

“I did say that, and one day we’ll have to sit down and talk about what that would mean for us. But that’s a long way down the road. You’re not off that medication yet, and when you are, the whole world may open up. We have no idea what will happen once your doctor completely weans you off that crap.”

“I have another adjustment tomorrow. It was supposed to be before Christmas, but, you know. He put it off, and I’m doing better.”

“Can I be there?” Her appointments aren’t any of my business, but I’d like to hear what he has to say, the amount of time he thinks Zarah still needs to be completely medication-free and I want to ask him if what she’s on is safe for a baby. I haven’t forgotten my...it wasn’t a mistake, not an accident. Maybe deep down I was claiming her in a different way, but I take responsibility for that. It’s the only thing Jerricka said to me that I accept accountability for. I never should have made love to her without protection.

“Do you really want to go?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. My appointment’s at eleven. Zane and Stella always go too,” she mumbles.

“I don’t have to if you’ll be uncomfortable.”

She whispers a kiss across my cheek. “I have to stop being embarrassed. This isn’t my fault. I was trying to keep distance between you and what Ash turned me into and I can’t. Who I am is because of what he did, but if you love me, then there’s nothing to hide.”

I touch my nose to hers. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time.”

Leaning her head on my shoulder she says, “You promised me a nap.”

“I did, and God, do I need one.”

I carry her upstairs and set her on her bed. I strip down to my boxers and t-shirt and climb in after her. She doesn’t give me a second and snuggles her body into mine.

“Nothing Jerricka told you is true. I’ve never felt forced to do anything I didn’t want to do. I love you, and I never,everthought our lovemaking was dirty or a mistake.”

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