Page 15 of Shattered Dreams

I would like to believe that, but by the sound of Zane’s tone, he doesn’t, either. “You said a couple of things.”

“It’s probably nothing, but another girl turned up dead of a drug overdose in a park. She used to be a patient at Quiet Meadows. That’s four girls now, and Gage has been checking into all of them. There doesn’t seem to be any connection besides they were all patients there. I don’t like it, but they were troubled and it’s not a stretch to say something like that could have happened to them anyway.”

“He told me, but not that there was another girl.”

Zane nods. “Okay. Since you’re not seeing him anymore, I’ll do better at keeping you in the loop. I hate scaring you, but if you don’t know what’s going on, that’s dangerous too.”

“Thanks.”

I fall silent and stare out the window.

Stella looks like she wants to say something, but Zane distracts her and they start kissing. I love that they’re so happy, but it reminds me of how lonely I am.

At the restaurant, I pick at my food, and Zane and Stella are thinking about a different kind of hunger. I’m keeping them from going to the hotel. “I think I’ll head out,” I say, pushing my chair back.

“We haven’t had dessert,” Zane says, a hand to my arm.

“I know, but you and Stella have champagne and strawberries and whipped cream waiting in the room. Peggy’s a horrible romantic.” I force a smile. “I’m going to the penthouse.”

“I don’t think—”

“She’ll be closer to us if she stays in the city,” Stella says calmly and casually sips her wine.

Zane drags a hand through his hair. “Okay, but Douglas will escort you all the way up, and security will change the code to theelevator the second you step inside. I’m not risking your safety. Strange things are going on, and I don’t like it.”

“I’ll be fine. I was the other night. Nothing happened. The penthouse is the safest place I can be.”

“I agree or I wouldn’t let you do it.” He stands and wraps his arms around me. “Thanks for tonight. I love you.”

“I love you, too. You and Stella are perfect together.”

Zane releases me, and Stella hugs me and kisses my cheek. He walks me through the lobby and hands me off to Douglas like a child.

God, what I wouldn’t give to be able to walk the streets alone, slip into a bar, grab a stool and meet a guy, any guy, and let him bring me home. How normal that sounds, completely and enviably normal. A quick and dirty one night stand. Forget what Ash did to me, forget that Gage gave me the only sexual relationship I ever experienced that had any kind of feelings in it that didn’t involve anger and hate. To have that kind of freedom to go to a bar with friends, pick up a nice looking guy, maybe even start a relationship. To not have the hangups that prevent me from doing that.

I press my forehead against the limo’s chilly window. Even without my history, that’s not something I would do.

Sex can be dirty. It can be nasty, and it can hurt. Ash taught me that robbing me of my virginity at Temptations while people watched and cheered him on. Sex doesn’t have to be like that. It can be beautiful—it can mean something to the two people doing it.

Gage loved me, and he showed me every time he touched me.

I was lucky I found him, and I threw him away.

Douglas parks outside our building and opens my door. I want to tell him he doesn’t have to walk me inside, but Zane told him to, and Douglas does nothing less than what Zane says. It would be futile to insist I can go up to the penthouse alone.

We ride in the private lift and he doesn’t say goodbye until I step into the foyer. “Call if you need anything, Miss Maddox. I’m staying in the city while Mr. and Mrs. Maddox are at the Crowne.” He touches the bill of his chauffeur’s hat and nods sharply.

“Thank you, Douglas. Have a nice evening.”

“You as well, Miss Maddox.”

The doors close and the elevator carries him downstairs.

I like the sound of that. Mr. and Mrs. Maddox.

If I’d married Gage, I wonder if I would have chosen to take his name. Zarah Davenport. I never thought of it before, but I like how it sounds. I’m glad Linc is his dad and not Rourke. If Cook was Gage’s last name, I wouldn’t change my name. I don’t want to be associated with anything that has to do with Senator Cook. He did something to me, and I still need to figure out what that is. If I can.

Maybe if I snoop a little into my own past, I’ll figure it out.

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