Page 1 of Shattered Dreams

CHAPTER ONE

Zarah

Istare at the picture a lot longer than I should. I knew he was going out, I heard him ask her when he stormed out of the café, while I sat there trembling, wondering what the fuck I just did.

I didn’t understand that all the plans I thought about while I wrote out my lists, all those plans, would have brought me more joy if I had Gage by my side.

Maybe I didn’t want to believe just how replaceable I am.

He never brought me anywhere like that, to the bar in the photo. Never introduced me to the friends squeezing together at the table he shares with that barista.

I wasn’t good enough for him to be seen out in public with me. We always stayed in, at his place or the house, never went to the movies after that one night because I still have a hard time following a plot, never met up with anyone from his life because we always preferred to be alone.

That’s what I thought.

Now I know he was embarrassed to be seen with me, and he hid me away so photos like this wouldn’t surface online.

He had no problem going out, letting paparazzi photograph him, letting that woman Sierra hang on him, her forehead pressed against his temple while they laugh.

Did he sleep with her that night? Did he bring her back to his apartment, peel off her clothes, settle between her legs, and screw her in his bed where he and I made love so many times? She would be fun...they would try new things because she wouldn’t have the hangups about sex that I do. He wouldn’t have to worry if what he wanted to do to her would cause flashbacks or if she would have nightmares later. He wouldn’t have to worry if what he wanted to do would trigger an anxiety attack because it’s something one of Ash’s jobs made her do.

I picture them eating ice cream in bed, him licking the chocolate off her belly while she moans.

Our lovemaking was always so serious because he never wanted to hurt me, always checking to be sure we were on the same page, that the things we were doing were okay.

He could take her from behind, that Sierra, because she was never forced against a bed by a job. He probably played with her ass, too, something he never, ever, asked me about, no doubt labeling me a frigid prude and not bothering to bring up something I would be sure to say no to.

Zarah Maddox, heiress to the Maddox fortune, so prim, so proper, she wouldn’t want to do butt stuff.

Stella told me once she and Zane do that kind of thing, that he loves playing with her there, and she likes it, too. I thought about asking Gage how he felt, if he liked it, but now I’ll never get the chance to explore that side of sex. He’s the only person I would ever ask, the only person I would ever trust to that extent in bed.

A tear drops onto the cell phone screen.

Isn’t that what I wanted for him, though? For him to be happy with someone who deserves him? Someone who could make him happier than I could?

Jerricka’s text lights up my phone.I’m sorry about the photo. You did the right thing.

I suppose everyone knows Gage and I are done.Truth or Darewasted no time putting it out there, and the only thing that will overshadow the news of Gage’s and my breakup is Zane and Stella’s wedding.

She pokes her head into my room. “You should stop looking at it.”

I’m lying in bed, the comforter pulled up to my chin. I missed breakfast, and I’ve only crawled out of bed to go to the bathroom and swallow my poison.

She’s dressed in jeans and a sweater, her hair done and makeup in place. We still haven’t found her a dress to wear at the courthouse, and I promised I would go today. It’s not her fault I regret my choice to let Gage go. It’s not her fault that even if I had some kind of hopeless wish to ask him to take me back, the idea blew up in my face the second I saw this picture.

He’s already moved on. He doesn’t want me anymore.

I click my phone off. “Better?”

Contrite, I look away. She doesn’t deserve my bad mood aimed at her. Had I consulted her before I broke up with Gage, I wonder what she would have said. She’s a pure romantic, and she probably would have said something like, “If you love him, why break up with him? If you love him, what does anything else matter?”

It would have been so simple to listen to her advice and accept that I love him and he loves me, and we were going to have a lasting relationship despite the odds.

“Give him time to cool off, then go talk to him. He’s hurting, Zarah, and he was blowing off steam. When I went to see him,I asked if he slept with her, and he said, well, he said it’s not any of my business, but I think I would have seen it on his face. You asked him for space. Now you have it, so stop wallowing. He loves you. He’ll wait.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because he looked just as miserable as you do. You broke it off for a reason. I don’t know what that reason is, but you do. If you don’t do something with all this pain, you’ve broken his heart for nothing. So, get up and shower. I need to find a dress. This is the last day I can look or I’m just going to wear something I already have. Zane isn’t going to care.”

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