Page 77 of Cursed by Death

All because Detective Rowans made me nervous. I wasn’t sure if I should be embarrassed by this knowledge or horrified.

My infatuation with the Detective had grown out of my control and, if I were smart, I would squash it to death like a bug under my shoe.

Out of the corner of my eye I watched him pick up the glass of water in front of him and take a drink of it. I watched the muscles in his throat work, entirely enthralled, as he swallowed. I had to force my eyes to look at the menu in my hands and not the man in front of me.

It disturbed me that I was so fascinated with him. And he had only inserted himself into my life because he didn’t want me to turn out like his sister. Dead.

I didn’t often feel pathetic or embarrassed with myself but here I was, feeling both of those things. Even after he’d rejected me I’d still felt these things. If anything, they have gotten worse since then.

What was the matter with me?

He was twice my age and he didn’t want me like that. Besides, I was sleeping with Rally now and kind of came with a lifelong commitment.

Why couldn’t Rally just be enough for me? What was wrong with me that I had this man, the gorgeous man, who is going to be devoted to me and just wanted to love me for the rest of his life and I still was planning on sleeping with other people. And he was so conditioned to love his mate that he was okay with me sleeping with other people, just so long as he was my first and always.

Were my daddy issues so severe that I’d never be able to commit to one man?

Nah, that couldn’t be it.

Fuck Johnathon Maredo. He wasn’t responsible for the fact that I could potentially love more than one man. Johnathon Maredo didn’t know what the fuck love was.

All he knew was obsession and how to covet the objects of his obsessions.

I didn’t want to be anything like that. I peeked over the top of my menu at Detective Rowans and knew I was failing miserably at it. I was just as obsessive and covetous as my father was.

I blamed the demon in me.

As much as I tried to choke them down, sometimes the demon and the vampire traits in me struggled to rise to thesurface. I fought what I was every breath I took and I would not let those parts of me win.

Maybe it was for the best that the Detective ended whatever the hell this was turning into before it even started.

I didn’t want that thing inside of me to destroy all the good that he had in him. I’d rather destroy myself than ever do that.

“It’s never really bothered me,” Detective Rowans said and I blinked, refocusing on him and the conversation once again that I had actually started and then so rudely zoned out of.

What the fuck was he talking about? He must have seen the question on my face because he chuckled as he shook his head.

“I don’t know where you just went but I hope it was a good trip. I was talking about going out to eat by myself, and it’s never really bothered me before. I’ve always been a bit of a loner though. And my job isn’t exactly a nine to five. I learned a long time ago to eat when I have the time and I’m not picky. I’ve been in the homicide division a long time. I have murderers to catch, I don’t give a fuck what people think about me eating alone.”

It actually made perfect sense to me because we were both loners. Though, it seemed he was more comfortable with himself than I had thought I was.

Detective Rowans was a whole lot less unbothered than me. And wasn’t that just a rude awakening for a girl who thought she had it all figured out? Actually, I thought the whole last month of my life had been quite the rude awakening, if I were being honest with myself.

Thankfully, an older woman with gray hair and a no nonsense attitude showed up at the table with a little notepad in hand, ready to take our orders. She saved me from likely blurting out something very awkward that I would have immediately regretted afterwards.

Apparently, they served breakfast here all day and the Detective took full advantage, ordering an omelet and biscuitsand gravy. I didn’t cook breakfast and I usually did not eat it. I ordered a burger and fries, figuring you couldn’t go wrong with that.

The woman went back inside and she took our menus with her.

This was it. I was left here with my Detective and nothing to distract me anymore, or to pretend to hold my attention so that I did not have to focus solely on him. I wasn’t ready for it, for him to say goodbye to me and for our friendship to end. Friendship, or whatever it was that we were calling this.

I had only known the man for about two weeks. I should not have felt this attached to him.

It absolutely had to be my demon side coming out to play and I hadn’t even realized it until now. It made me itch under my skin with the knowledge of that part of me coming out and I wanted to dig my nails in and claw it out of me.

I blew out a heavy breath and decided to put my big girl panties on and just get it over with. “So, what are we doing here, Detective?” I asked. Deflection at its finest.

He frowned at me as he studied me from across the table and I felt like I had done something that he didn’t approve of. “What is it that you think we’re doing here, Ruby Jane?”

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