Page 23 of False Start

“You know there’s more than that there.” I do, but he doesn’t let me get in any more words. “Andyour type? What’s your type? Like dating-wise... you can tell me.”

My heart squeezes so hard in my chest, I think I might pass out as I walk closer to him, only a foot apart. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. Tell me what you’re looking for.”

I smile at him sarcastically when I ask, “Why? Are you going to play matchmaker?”

“Maybe,” he says, finally smiling a little bit.

I throw my hands up and pace a little right in front of him. “I don’t know, Vaughn. Someone who hates sports and loves books.” He frowns now, and I continue, “Who maybe couldn’t bench press me.” A wrinkle forms between his brows. “Who loves coffee and doesn’t think it’s disgusting or taste likeburn. I try to smile at him, knowing that last part was completely and totally on the nose, since he’s said it more times than I can count.

“You mean the total opposite of me.”

Yes. I close my eyes briefly and then stop moving as I meet his eyes. “I just need something different. I need new experiences. And so do you.”

He doesn’t look convinced at all, but he finally nods and then looks back over at the tent. “We should go to bed. Vanessa is going to be here early in the morning.” He seems resigned to the fact that I’m going to leave tomorrow, and I should feel relieved, but all I feel is dread.

Knowing tomorrow changes everything.

We put the fire out and then strip out of our jeans and shirts, climbing into the tent and into our own sleeping bags, lying side by side, facing each other. I can barely make him out in the dark night, but the moon is large enough tonight that I can make out his outline.

“You know, when you were describing your perfect guy, you were kind of describing yourself.”

I chuckle. “I mean, can you blame me? I’m a catch,” I try to joke, but he doesn’t laugh. His big hand reaches up and his fingers stroke over my cheek.

“You are. Don’t you ever forget it.”

I swallow hard, fighting back tears because I don’t want to be without him either. Even if I know it’s for the best, it’s gutting me just as badly as it is him, maybe even more.

“So are you.” I smile and reach up, moving my hand over his and giving it a squeeze. “Now quit your yapping so I can get some sleep.”

I can see his face moving into a smile, and we settle in, my head against his arm as he drifts off to sleep, but I don’t fall into a peaceful sleep.

I’m not ready for tomorrow to come.

Of course it does though.I see the sun coming up and wonder if I managed to get a full hour of sleep last night or not. My body is sore and aching from sleeping on the hard ground, but as I study my best friend’s beautiful face, there’s no part of me that regrets spending last night that way.

I slowly make my way out of the tent, grabbing my t-shirt and pulling it on because it’s chilly this morning without the sun being fully up. I find a spot to piss and then grab my toothbrush and quickly brush my teeth using a bottle of water to rinse, and when I get back, Vaughn is just now sitting up.

He looks rumpled by sleep, his hair sticking up all over the place and creases on his perfect face. He’s gorgeous. He’s not covered by the sleeping bag anymore, and I can see his perfectchest and abs, just right there for my viewing pleasure and so damn unfair because it’s look but don’t touch.

“Morning.” I have to look away before my dick tries to join in on our morning. “Vanessa text yet?”

“Yeah, she’s leaving soon.”

I nod, which gives us about fifteen minutes. “We should pack up.”

He agrees, and we both finish getting dressed and pack up the tent and supplies. Neither of us saying a word because what else is there to say? We’ve said it all. We’re sitting on the tailgate of my truck after, just waiting for Vanessa to show up, when I guess he decides to say one last thing. “Are you totally sure?”

I close my eyes on a laugh as I shake my head at his persistence. “You just don’t give up, do you?”

“Not when it comes to you. We can figure this out. You can come to school with me, and it’ll all be okay.” I can’t take this anymore. “I’ll help you find some adorable hipster who can barely lift his laptop while balancing coffee and a book in his hand. I’ll?—”

“Stop,” I say abruptly because he’s killing me. I stand up, unshed tears in my eyes, and look directly at him. “I can’t.”

“You can.” He stands there with me looming over him, but he’s not intimidated in the least. He doesn’t back down. “You just don’t want to.”

“Maybe I don’t,” I say, and he winces then, but I can’t keep doing this. It isn’t fair to either of us. “I don’t want to go to State. Okay? I said it. It’s out there now. Can we please just drop it?”

---