Page 11 of False Start

They stand like that for a moment, in a silent standoff, and I want to die right then and there. Because when Vaughn’s eyes meet mine, I know he knows.

“God, why can’t you just leave things alone?” I ask, defeated, my knees threatening to buckle.

Calvin stumbles away, and it’s just Vaughn and me, staring at each other.

Two best friends since childhood, but in this moment, total strangers.

7

VAUGHN

Idon’t know what the hell is going on—or maybe I just don’t want to. What did Calvin mean by that? Why was he so worried that Austin told me something? And why is Austin so upset?

It’s like... I know the truth... deep inside, but I don’t want to face it, so when Austin directs me into the truck and gets behind the wheel, I just follow numbly. Climbing into the passenger seat, we’re both silent until he gets on the highway toward our houses.

Calvin is a prick. And maybe I wouldn’t have picked up on anything he was saying without saying it if it weren’t for the way Austin looked. Like someone punched him in the gut. I’ve never seen my best friend look so pale and sickly.

“Tell me,” I say quietly, but Austin remains silent. I turn to look at him as he drives, the moon the only light in the cab, but I can see him. His blond hair is mussed, and his eyes are focused on the road. “Talk to me, Austin,” I plead with him because I don’t care. I don’t. I just need him to trust me enough to talk to me. Always.

He says nothing, but he does flick his blinker on and turns off on a dirt road. He pulls over to the side and parks, looking at me, but staying totally silent. He shakes his head, and I can see his chin trembling.

Is he afraid?

“Austin...” My voice is quiet, but he shakes his head and then climbs out of the truck. No way I’m letting him get away. So I scramble out, nearly falling but catching myself, and slam the door, following after him as he walks down the dirt road. “Stop.”

He swings around, his eyes on me. “What do you want to know?”

I stop walking, and he remains still, his eyes locked on mine as I try not to mess this up. It makes sense—if I was really paying attention to it. It makes perfect sense. How did I miss it? “You know what I want to know. Tell me.”

“You need me to say it?” He takes a step into me.

“Yes.” I take a step closer to him. I know I’m not the brightest, but I should have picked up on this.

“Why?” He shakes his head, looking so lost. I just want to pull him into a big hug and never let him go. He has to know I have his back.

“Because you’re Austin. You’re my best friend. And we don’t keep secrets.”

He snorts dismissively at that, but I don’t take it personally.

“At least I don’t.”

His shoulders drop, and his eyes narrow. “That’s not fair. This is different.”

“How?”

His laugh isn’t his real laugh. It’s ironic and sarcastic—not a laugh. “Because this is Big Bend. Because you’ve seen it with Benny. With Dallas.”

Him mentioning the two guys in our school who have recently come out pretty much cements that I’m not wrong to assume. “I won’t let anyone treat you bad.”

“Vaughn.” He takes a deep breath and lets it go, but I don’t think he feels any more relieved. “You have to stop trying to protect me. He’s right. I’m not yours to protect.”

I step into him now, grabbing his arm, but not too hard, just enough to keep him looking at me. “Bullshit.”

“I’m gay, Vaughn.” He looks up at me. “And I hate it here. I can’t wait to leave. It’s torture being here.”

My heart squeezes tightly in my chest as I think about what he’s telling me. What I’ve known for a long time—at least the hating it here part. “We’re going to college. You’re going to get out of here.”

His chin drops, and his eyes are on the ground. “I am.”

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