Page 48 of False Start

I nod, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, it’s lame though.”

He smiles sadly into the camera. “What is it?”

“Eh, just a devil.”

He snorts. “You couldn’t pull off the devil if you tried. Didn’t they have anything else?”

My eyes narrow. “I can totally be the devil.” I try my best at an evil laugh, but it comes out a little squeaky and has him laughing at me, but he’s looking at me... The way he looks at me—I swear he loves me. Like he said he did.

Why is he so afraid to let me love him back?

“Okay well, I guess it’s good that you won’t be there to witness my humiliation.”

That seems to sober him up, and if he told me he wanted to go with me, or if he said he really wanted to see me this weekend, I know I’d give in because I really want to see him.

But all he offers is a sweet, sad smile. “Yeah, maybe it is.” The smile is forced. Not even close to his real smile I love so much. “But next weekend?”

We let the question hang there, and I hate how hopeful and scared he sounds when he asks.

“Yeah. Of course.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later then. I gotta get to class.”

“Yeah, okay. Talk to you later.”

We hang up, and I lie back on my bed, notes forgotten.

I just want my boyfriend to be my damn boyfriend and let me tell him how much I love him. Is that really too much to ask?

23

AUSTIN

Oh, this is stupid. So, so stupid. What the hell am I doing?

No big deal. Vaughn just flat-out told me he didn’t want me to visit this weekend—that I should stay on my own campus and study while he went out and partied with his football friends.

So what the hell do I do? I go to the costume store and grab and angel costume to match his devil. That’s totally smart, right? And now, I’m walking around campus, asking random strangers where the football team is tonight, dressed in all white with glitter makeup and a halo.

What. The. Hell?

I wasn’t kidding about Vaughn making me dumber. But I couldn’t help it. My heart sunk when he said he didn’t want to get together this weekend. It felt like I was losing him for the first time in our lives. Even moving to different cities didn’t feel quite that awful.

I hurt him. I know I did. Keeping him at bay like that when he’s so certain he wants to announce we’re a couple—it was a shitty thing to do. I was trying to protect my heart, but that wasn’t fair to him.

People treat Vaughn like he’s dumb—they always have—but he’s not. He knows what he wants and, for whatever reason, he wants to let everyone know we’re together. Wanted. I don’t actually know if he still feels that way.

I’d never seen him so resigned before—like I really, really destroyed him.

Finally, I track down the party that several people said most of the football team would be at. It’s, of course, a bigass frat house with far too many drunk people just standing out on the lawn and spilling into the house. I search around for a devil costume outside but see none.

Okay, it may be possible that Vaughn isn’t here. Hell, maybe he was here and wound up leaving with someone who actually deserves that big sweet man. I rub at my chest, the ache deep and painful—no, he wouldn’t do that. Vaughn is fiercely loyal, and there’s no way in hell he’d move on to someone else until he heard from me that I’m done.

And I’m not. I’ll never be done with him.

I gather up all my courage and walk through the front door of the house, walking into loud music and some shouting as if they’re playing some sort of game to my left. Someone bumps into me, spilling some beer. Fantastic.

But I don’t see any devil costumes.

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