Page 46 of False Start

I huff. “We aren’t dating.”

His anger is more on the surface now, his brow furrowed. “Then what the hell are we doing?” He points to the bed. “We hang out and we make each other come. We kiss all the time, and I can’t get enough of that, by the way. I’m in lo—” I stop him, holding my hand up because my heart can’t take it.

“Don’t.”

He cocks his head to the side, looking at me like I’ve totally lost it. “Austin...”

“Don’t, Vaughn. Listen, I love what we’re doing.” I motion toward the bed. “In bed and out. I love kissing you too, but we have to be smart about this. When you started at this school, you were dating Vanessa. They all probably assumed you were totally straight.”

“Well, I’m not.” It’s amazing to me that he can just admit that, with no hesitation. Again, he’s brave, and I admire him for it. But I have to look out for him too. The world—it may be betterin some ways, but growing up where we did, he has to know it’s not totally perfect.

There are still plenty of ignorant assholes. Especially in such a male-dominated, hetero-dominated sport like football. “I don’t want to hurt your chances of being part of this team. I know how much you love football.”

“Football isn’t everything,” he says, moving closer to me, one arm wrapping around my lower back.

“We don’t even know what this is,” I say helplessly, trying to keep us both safe. I put a finger up to his mouth to silence any argument. “I want to keep doing this, but I don’t think it’s wise to go to a party as a couple. We aren’t really a couple, Vaughn.”

He studies me carefully, and I can see the pain in his expression. He wants to argue with me. “Are you seeing someone else?”

“What?” I’m shocked by his question and shake my head. “No. Hell no.”

“Do you want to?” His voice is so soft, almost broken, and I hate that I’ve hurt him like this. That I made him think I could want anyone else while I have him.

“Vaughn, no.” I run a hand over his stubbled cheek. “I don’t want anyone but you.”

He offers me a sad smile. “But you don’t want anyone to know you’re with me, and you won’t let me call us a couple.”

Okay, we’re treading on thin ice here. I know it, but I can’t take this sad, sad version of Vaughn. “I just want to take things slowly. I don’t want you to get hurt. You may think the guys on your team are cool, but they could surprise you.”

“And if they’re bigoted pricks, I don’t want to be part of their team anyway.”

“That’s what I mean, Vaughn.” I drop my hand, wondering how this day went sideways so fast. I thought for sure I’d get at least another round of sex and we’d laugh and kiss. Talk aboutthe next time we can do it again, but now we’re kind of fighting. I hate fighting with him. “You’re too good for this world.”

I watch as he swallows down whatever he wanted to say and then gives me a quick nod. “Okay. We won’t go to the party. Can we at least have a party of our own?”

I should tell him we need to cool it. Suggest we take a weekend or two off, but I’m too weak for that. I need to feel like we’re still okay.

“Yes. Of course.”

Finally, he lights up a little bit, but it still feels off. Like I messed it up.

And I really hate that feeling.

22

VAUGHN

I’m mad at him. That’s new. I’m rarely mad at Austin, and I don’t like it at all, but I am. I hate how quickly he shut down going to that party with me as my date. I’m not that naive. I know some of the guys on the team and around campus might have something to say about it.

But I don’t care. It’s none of their business who I love, and Idolove Austin. He just won’t let me.

I guess I thought sex would allow me to show him just how much I love him. Not that sex is the be-all and end-all in a relationship, but since he won’t let me say the actual words, that was my shot. I tried to show him with every touch and every kiss. I guess it was just about getting off for him though.

And it pisses me off.

I say goodbye to a couple of guys I had my last class with and have chatted with a little bit, here and there, heading into my dorm while they go off to theirs. When I get up to my room, I grab my notes from my last class and stare at them, trying to study.

College isn’t so bad. I’m actually starting to like it a lot. I even got plenty of time today in practice to run actual plays. It felt good running around until my lungs were burning.

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