Page 13 of False Start

He doesn’t see me like that. We’re best friends. We’re still Austin and Vaughn.

“Let’s go to my house. We can watch a movie and hang out until we fall asleep.”

He lifts his head and looks at me, weary and broken. I hate that. I want the smile back. “You know it can’t be like this forever, right?”

I stare at him, confused by that. Because as far as I’m concerned, nothing is ever going to change. Nothing needs to change. But I’m tired of arguing with him.

I nod and stand up to take his hand to lead him back to the truck.

Because I’ll just have to show him.

8

AUSTIN

People are definitely talking. Of course they are. Calvin and his big mouth. I should have known people weren’t totally minding their business at that stupid party. I shouldn’t have gone.

After we drove back to Vaughn’s house, it was just like it’s always been. We were greeted by his parents, grabbed a snack, and headed up to his room. He didn’t hesitate pulling his t-shirt off and kicking his jeans off before climbing under the covers.

I nearly had to poke my own eyes out to keep from staring at him, but I managed it as I did the same and got under the covers. I tried to keep a distance between our bodies, but Vaughn was having no part of it.

He doesn’t get it.

The stares right now as we walk through the halls, all eyes on us. He doesn’t understand the rumors that have been spread all weekend. But he’s about to because here comes Vanessa, and the worry is written all over her face.

But instead of going straight to Vaughn, she stops right in front of me. “Is it true?”

My throat goes dry, and I lock up. I can deny it. Say that Calvin was drunk—which he was—and just talking shit. Or I can just be honest. But I don’t get a chance to speak because of fucking course, Vaughn is ready. “Is what true?”

He does a pretty good job of sounding like he has no idea what she’s talking about, but her eyes don’t move from mine. “You can tell me. We’re friends, Austin.”

I know she knows too. That the rumor started to make things click. I don’t want to deny it. I’m so damn tired of lying and keeping parts of myself secret. My head starts to nod before I open my mouth. “Yeah.”

I feel Vaughn’s worried eyes on me, and it feels like the whole school is watching, even though I know most people aren’t paying attention to us. I’m not sure how I expected Vanessa to act, but it sure wasn’t her wrapping her small arms around me and pulling me into a hug. “It’s going to be okay.”

I hug her back, but just barely. Vanessa and I are pretty much in the samedon’t touch me unless you’re Vaughnclub. Always have been, but she’s hugging me. She doesn’t seem mad or freaked-out at all. “Van...”

She pulls back and looks into my eyes. “I should have seen it. I’m sorry you felt like you had to hide it.” She’s keeping her voice quiet, and her eyes scan around the halls as she pulls back a little more. “I’m really sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” I ask carefully. Oh God, does she know about my feelings for Vaughn? Is that pity I see in her pretty eyes.

“I don’t really know,” she says with a watery laugh. “I heard what Calvin was implying, and it just all clicked in my head.” Her voice is a whisper now, and the hallway is noisy with people getting to class. “You never wanted to date, even when I offered to fix you up with my friends, and I should have known.”

I grin. “Lots of people don’t want to be set up with your friends, Van. Doesn’t make them gay.”

She laughs and shoves me in the chest. “Shut up.” She looks over at Vaughn. “So you didn’t know either?”

Vaughn’s perpetual smile fades a bit now, and I hate that. “No.” His eyes meet mine. “He didn’t tell me either.” I can sense the betrayal still there, but he has to understand this wasn’t about him—not really.

“Why not?” Vanessa is looking at me now. “Why didn’t you think you could trust us? We’re your best friends.” She’s next to Vaughn now, and he wraps one arm around her, pulling her protectively into his side. Great. Now I have two of them staring at me like I kicked their puppy.

“It wasn’t about either of you.” I open my locker and try to keep myself busy, switching out books in my bag because looking at them, standing there together, both worried about me, it’s not doing good things to my insides. “It was about this town. And the way we all grew up. I’m not stupid. I know Big Bend isn’t as progressive as the rest of the world.”

Vaughn reaches out and pushes my shoulder. “You know Van and I will always be there for you. It’s not a big deal to us.”

I hang my head and slam my locker door closed. “I know that. But it is to me.” I turn around. “This is my life and who I am. It’s a big deal. And it was mine to tell, and it’s my business, Vaughn.”

I look at him, and yup, there’s that look of deep hurt. “You could have trusted me. I wouldn’t have told anyone.”

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