Page 74 of Heart of the Deep

“Nothing has changed. I told you from the beginning that I didn’t want to share a room with you. Rhea said the female chooses, and this is me making my choice.”

He advanced on her, not stopping until she extended her arms and pressed her palms to his chest.

“Back up,” she warned.

“No. You will explain your reasoning to me, so I may explain to you why you are wrong.”

“I don’t need to explain myself to you.” She pushed against him.

“You aremy mate,” he growled, coiling a tentacle around her waist and tugging her closer. She locked her elbows, keeping her torso angled back to preserve what little distance remained between them.

“I’m not your damn mate!”

“You are!” he said through bared teeth. “And I will not give you up!”

Larkin glared up at him, shoulders heaving with angry breaths. “I’m not,” she said, slapping his chest. The sting was nothing compared to the pain caused by her words. “I’m not, I’m not!”

She struck him again, and then twice more, but not before Dracchus saw moisture glistening in her eyes.

He caught her wrists in his hands. The tightness had spread from his chest to his throat, a discomfort unlike any he’d ever known. “Speak to me, Larkin. What has changed? Have we not been honest with one another from the beginning?”

Larkin squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face away, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Nothinghas changed. I told you, I’m not what you want. You just refuse to listen.”

Dracchus released one of her arms and took hold of her chin, gently guiding her face back toward his. “Why? Why are you not what I want?”

“Because I’m broken.” Fresh tears streamed from her reddened eyes. She pushed against his chest again, and he let her go. Grasping the hem of her shirt, she yanked it up to reveal her scars. “Because ofthis!”

“I have told you they are nothing to feel shame for,” he said, mind spinning. How had those scars sparked this situation? “I have countless of my own. They are the past, nothing more.”

“They are my past, my present, and my future. I willneverhave a child.”

He lowered his gaze to her scars, and wished he had the quick mind of Arkon, wished that he understood. “Is it because of…contraception?”

“No. This…this is permanent. I will never conceive, Dracchus. Ican’t.” She wiped her cheeks with her hand, eyes locked on his as she lowered her shirt. “I’m broken. Useless.”

The torrent of emotions swirling through Dracchus at that moment was too overwhelming; he stared at her abdomen numbly, unable to form words, unable to form coherent thoughts. Images of Sarina, Jace, and Melaina flitted through his mind, followed by half-realized imaginings of the younglings he’d hoped to one day sire, who he’d hoped to nurture and teach.

Those imaginings faded, leaving only the tightness in his chest and throat, so strong now that he could scarcely breathe.

She’d told him her scars were the result of a hunting accident. That she’d done something stupid and paid the price. His hearts ached for her; he would never have thoughtthiswould be the cost. Dracchus couldn’t guess how she’d felt in the infirmary listening to the other females speak of younglings and contraception. Listening tohimspeak.

He absently lifted a hand to his chest, pushing against the ache as though that would somehow alleviate it.

“Say something.” Larkin’s voice was tight, and her words ended in a sob.

His brave, strong, capable female, who he’d only seen cry once before — when she was reunited with her brother after a year of not knowing whether he was alive or dead — was in terrible pain.

He didn’t know what to say to her. Didn’t know anything other than the raw, indecipherable emotion blazing through him. She was upset,devastated, and how could he possibly fix that? How could he take the pain away from her?

“I…I need to think,” he finally rasped.

She stared at him mutely, fresh tears spilling from her wide, blue eyes, and something inside of Dracchus shattered.

He turned away from her, his entire body tense as he moved toward the door. He didn’t want to go, didn’t want to leave her behind, but he needed to gather his thoughts. He’d never been good with words, not like Arkon, or Jax, or any of the humans who’d come to live here. He’d never had a friend until the events surrounding Macy’s arrival.

And what he’d been building with Larkin was far more complex, far more meaningful, than any relationship he’d ever had. Her revelation changed that, buthow?

Dracchus opened the door and entered the hallway. Just before the door slid shut, she released a sobbing wail that pierced him to his core; it was the desperate cry of the hopeless, of the abandoned, and it was because of him. Because he’d left her.

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