Page 56 of Forging Bonds: Part One

The thoughts catch me with ease, despite the speed at which I am going.

I don’t think I have ever wanted something more than I want Neith to be my mate. It’s undeniable what I feel for her, and how my instincts are triggered, and if I’m being entirely honest with myself, there’s a sense of sadness that encompasses me when I let myself think about it because she feels like she’s mine, and she owns me. There’s absolutely no doubt about that, but for her to be my mate, that’s impossible.

I know that it shouldn’t matter. I know that if she decides that she wants to be with me, with all of us, that should be enough, and it would be if it weren’t for the fact that my instincts are screaming at me and almost rubbing it in that it’s not something that I can have. Having a mate gives you a sense of security I guess, they are your perfect half, they love you for exactly who you are.

They won’t leave.

And that there is the crux of my issue. I have abandonment issues for more than one reason. Those reasons I definitely don’t want to allow myself to think about, not right now. But that’s why knowing that Neith can’t be my mate is hard to deal with.

She could leave. The quirks that I have that she seems to find amusing or match with her own quirks could become annoying to her. I could become annoying, and she could not want anything to do with me anymore.

It’s happened more times than I care to admit.

I shouldn’t have been so blunt with Van, but the truth is I have thought about it, I’ve dreamt about it, but I always reach the same conclusion. She’s not a kitsune, and that means she’s not my mate and never can be.

I’m just a swirling ball of emotion, and my magic is reacting to that. I can feel my magic start to buzz, becoming agitated, and I try to take a breath tocalm myself. My panic rises further when it doesn’t work like it usually does. My hackles rise as it feels like something is beginning to tug on my magic. Flames engulf me without me calling on them. They are mine. It’s my fire, but I didn’t call it, and it’s stronger than it ever has been before.

I growl low in my throat as the world tilts and shifts, and I suddenly find myself in a different part of the forest. I barely have enough time to recognize where in the forest I am before my magic buzzes again, and this time, everything that isn’t rooted down and is in my vicinity lifts off the ground and starts spinning. Again it’s a gift of mine, I can move things, but usually not very well. In fact, it’s such a weak ability of mine that I never use it. I can barely float a spoon a couple of inches off the table, and yet I am surrounded by sticks, stones, boulders that are the same size as I am, and even a damn rabbit who looks as shocked as I am. They’re all just sitting there, the smaller rocks seem to be spinning, but that’s it.

Taking a breath, I try to pull the magic back to drop all of the objects to the floor. I need to talk to the guys and tell them what’s going on. Hopefully, Raiden will have an idea of why my magic is doing this. The magic won’t come back to me though and instead it starts to grow again, and I’m pulled somewhere else. Fortunately, I’m still within our land, but this time, I don’t stay in the area for longer than a couple of seconds before I’m pulled somewhere else again.

Evander’s eyes widen as I suddenly appear at the edge of the pool that he’s swimming in, but as he opens his mouth, my magic plays up again. My body cools rapidly, my breath leaving my mouth in plumes as the air around me drops in temperature too.

“What the fuck?” Van asks incredulously.

Ice spreads around me, and snow starts to fall where I am. This is fucking insane. In a big circle around me, the temperature is so obviously lower thaneverywhere else that snow is lying on the ground. That’s not a gift that I’ve been known to have before.

“What’s going on? Why are you making it snow right now?” Van asks as he starts to get out of the water and approaches me. He frowns as he adds, “How are you making it snow right now?”

I move back, my magic is so fucking unpredictable right now, and I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I hurt Van. He stops, his frown deepening as I shake my head. He starts to open his mouth, no doubt to ask me another question, but before he can, I feel my eyes widen in panic, and a whine leaves my throat as I feel the magic once again start to build around me, within moments I’m pulled away.

I really fucking hope that Van gets that I need fucking help and doesn’t think that I’m messing about. I’m hoping that the fact that I have never been able to teleport or whatever the fuck it is that I’m doing is enough to make him realize that I need help. Although I have no idea what the fuck they’re going to be able to do to help me. As I appear in yet another part of the woods, I have to push away the panic that is starting to rise. What if I never stop? What if this carries on until I exhaust my magic and die? I can’t even switch back to my human form.

Fuck.

Neith

I’ve pushed myself hard, I know that, but I’ve needed to. I didn’t realize that I had quite so much that I needed to work through until I started running on the treadmill. I’ve done cardio, and I’ve spent along time on the bag. I feel a hell of a lot better for it. I’ve got this. Whatever the Choosing is going to throw at me, I’m going to be fine.

More importantly, I will be put on the guy’s team and not on the Draconian Team. While it would be good to be with Coen, they are doing something to him, something really fucking bad. Coen is an extremely strong supernatural, on the same level as the guys actually now that I’m thinking about it, but the Draconian Team has managed to stop him from shifting. Not only that, but they are controlling him as well. I am not a super strong supernatural, so it’s terrifying to think what they would be able to do to me or make me do.

I will not be fucking controlled like that, not again.

I had to tell myself a few times that I would end up with the guys and not with the Draconian Team. It has become a fear of mine. Probably because ever since I have gotten here, everything seems too good to be true, and I have been waiting for it to be taken away from me, like Evander, like Dimitri, like Coen, like everyone who has ever made me feel safe.

I step away from the bag and wipe my face, getting rid of the sweat that has gathered there, and unwrap my hands. I remembered to wrap them this time. My lips tilt up into a smile as I think of Doc and how he asked me to wear them after he healed my hands when I had a freakout when I first found out about the Choosing and my ironic lack of choice in taking part.

Placing the hand wraps on the bench, I reach for the water bottle when I suddenly lose my eyesight. The voices become louder, but they don’t sound panicked, and that is the only reason why I try to remain calm. I slowly move forward, finding the bench where I just put my wraps. Feeling around with my hands, I carefully sit down and grip onto the edge tightly, using the feeling of it under my hands to ground me.

The magic begins to build in the air around me, and suddenly, my vision clears. I’m no longer in the gym, but instead, I’m surrounded by trees. I don’tknow what this is, but I do know that I can still feel the bench under my fingers, so my physical body is still in the gym, but the rest of me isn’t.

Suddenly, River appears in front of me. His hackles are up, and he’s whining as the ground around him ripples and cracks. I can feel him, and it’s his magic that’s doing this, but it’s clear by his body language and the fear in his eyes that he isn’t in control of it, and he’s panicking.

He disappears.

Fuck, I’m standing before my vision has come back, and it takes until I’m at the door of the gym for my vision to be back to normal. I practically fly up the stairs and into the hallway.

Shouting at the top of my lungs, I call for the others, “Guys! River’s in trouble!”

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