Page 36 of Call of the Fathoms

The heat turned on not long after he left. Alexia knew she had him to thank for that, but it was hard to give him any credit after what had happened. She laid there on the floor, staring up at the ceiling as the lights blinked on one by one. Some of them were emergency buttons and switches that she was likely supposed to pay attention to. Others were just the lights that illuminated the ship.

He’d given her the battery. After all of that, after the argument and the frustration and the absolute embarrassment of what she had done. He’d given her the battery.

Somehow, that made all of this a little harder to swallow.

Never in her life had she lost her temper like that. Not even when she was a child and frustrated with doctors who were sticking her with endless needles. She’d cried when she was that little. A lot. And often. There were a lot of tears of frustration and sadness and anger. But she’d never flown off the handle and attacked someone without even thinking about why she was doing it or what was the correct way to do so.

All of that and more were reasons he should have just let her die. There was no reason, in the slightest, for her to have done what she did. To argue with him for foolhardy reasons like that? It was stupid. It was reckless. It wasn’t like her.

But lying on the floor, staring up at the lights and shivering until her jaw ached... She did feel better. There was no logic in that. Fortis hadn’t been kind. He had no idea that while they were arguing, she’d been crying. Every bit of her tears had been swallowed up by the salt of the sea. But she’d been nearly sobbing with effort as she tried to hit him, to do anything that would prove she was still the same woman.

Time had passed long enough to make her realize, without a doubt, she had made a mistake in choosing this path. She should have stayed comfortable in Tau. Nothing had to change if she’d done that. Nothing at all. Her entire life would have been numb and void all of the potential mistakes that she was making right now.

“Computer?” she asked, knowing that this would be recorded, but also knowing that Tau was likely not coming after her. “What would happen if I betrayed Tau?”

“Please state your designation and access level.”

“Alexia, personal guard to Original Harlow. Access level nine.”

There was a long pause as the computer figured out how to answer her. “Immediate termination if information about Tau was leaked to any source. DNA harvested for understanding what flaw caused the issue.”

“Right,” she muttered, blowing out a long breath. “That makes sense.”

Of course they would harvest her, just like they did all the time. That was the whole point of Tau.

Rolling, she crawled toward the crates and pulled out the last pieces of dry clothing she had. The anger that had made herrush out of the damned ship like an idiot without even a wetsuit on was the greatest folly of her life. Now her exoskeleton was broken, and all she had were the metal remains of boots that wouldn’t work without a power source.

A sob broke through the silence. She tried to stifle it, but all that did was shove the emotion down into her chest, which ached so fiercely even a good brisk rub didn’t take care of it.

Alexia struggled to take the boots off. Her fingers were purple, and they didn’t work as well as they should. But the heat was blasting in the room, trying to warm up freezing metal. Biting her lips, she finally yanked the boots off, then her shoes, and then the rest of the sodden clothing.

The whole process took far longer than it should have. And even that was frustrating. She wanted to scream, but all she could manage were little sobs that kept embarrassing her. The fucking ridiculousness of this situation! She was a personal guard to one of the Originals. She needed to get her shit together because she was not meant to be huddled on the floor, naked, clinging to clothing she couldn’t put on because she was so fucking cold. Alexia was not weak.

She was, though. She was so fucking weak and tired and beyond exhausted. All she wanted was someone to trust, just like he kept telling her she had to do with him.

But was it trusting someone if she was ordered to do it? Hadn’t that been her entire life so far?

Eventually, she dragged her new clothes on and wrapped herself in one of the emergency blankets. It would keep her a little warmer than she was right now, at least. And that was a start.

She headed over to the pilot’s chair and sat down in it. Drawing her knees up beneath the blanket, she hugged them tight to her chest. Staring out into the water still felt hard to do. Like there was something wrong with her for enjoying seeing thenothingness that was out there. She hated and loved the sight at the same time. But maybe that was part of what life was for her now. Love and hate.

A fin appeared. He always gave her at least a little warning that he was here. She tried her best to stay still in case the anger came back. But her mind raced. Why was he back? Hadn’t he said enough?

Fortis floated up from below the ship, likely anchored beneath it because she couldn’t see much of his tail. “You should be resting.”

“I don’t know what time it is. This ship is not equipped with a day and night cycle, so there’s no way for me to know when I should rest.” She cleared her throat, wrapping her arms a little tighter around her legs. “Besides, I have nightmares.”

Every single night. She had nightmares every time she closed her eyes and tried to rest while she was in this place. All she could think about was what would happen if she stared into the abyss too long. Her mind played dreams of a giant creature rising out of the depths and swallowing her ship whole. Sometimes, though, she dreamt of Tau and what Harlow would say when she returned.

Her nightmares turned what had been a relatively safe home into a waking serpent’s nest. Once she got back, they would decommission her. They’d stick her full of needles and pull her brain apart while she was still awake. All the shocking things she’d seen them do to someone else were suddenly a possibility for herself.

Fortis rolled, looking like he was lying down outside of the window. That gave her his profile, so at least he wasn’t looking at her. “I have nightmares too.”

“I’m not turning this into a pissing contest with you.”

“A what?” He glanced over at her with clear disgust on his face. “I’m not doing that with you, either.”

“It’s a figure of speech. I mean, I’m not going to say your nightmares are worse or better than mine.”

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