Page 143 of Of Empires and Dust

He was ready.

But then, just as peace embraced him, Shinyara’s roar grew louder. It thundered, defiant and furious. Every memory that had ever touched his mind cycled through him. Every battle he had fought, every life he had saved or taken. All the good, all the bad, all the sweet and sour, and Shinyara roared again. And again, and again. Rage consumed him, a dragon’s rage.

Hands grabbed at Farda and hauled him upwards. The water broke around him, the sounds of the world crashing into his ears. He coughed and spluttered, collapsing forwards, gasping for air, shaking. Everything about him was still dark and blurred, lights sparking at the edges of his vision. The same hands that had heaved him from the water now dragged him over the edge of the rock pool and slammed him onto the ground.

A sharp slap struck his right cheek and his vision came flaring back, his mind focusing. Another slap and he covered his face with his hands.

“What in the gods were you doing?” Farda knew the voice; he knew it well.

He slowly lowered his hands to find Tivar standing over him, her face and hair soaked, her eyes raw and red, her chest heaving. Several guards stood around her, none moving to help, none caring.

“What were you doing, Farda?” Her voice shook, as did her hands as she grabbed his wrists. “What were you doing?”

An hour or so later,Farda sat on a low ledge near the edge of a cliff. The area had clearly been carved with the Spark as a viewpoint over the valleys for whomever had once lived in the place that was now his prison. He leaned forwards, resting his forearms on the tops of his knees, the cold wind nipping at his bare chest and back.

“She wouldn’t let me do it,” he whispered, staring up at the red moon that tainted the sky.

“Who?”

He and Tivar had sat in silence for quite some time, but the anger radiating from her had said enough.

Farda swallowed hard and ran his tongue around his top teeth. He knew what she’d say. “Shinyara.”

Tivar snapped her head around, disbelief in her eyes.

“I know what it sounds like,” Farda said before she had a chance to speak. “But she was there. There was a point where I could feel the other side and Shinyara waited there for me. She was so close.”

Tivar sat in silence, turning her gaze to her feet.

“She refused to let me cross.”

“Why?” Tivar asked, looking back at Farda once more.

“I don’t know… She just?—”

“No.” Tivar shook her head. “Why?”

Farda drew a long breath and once more looked up at the Blood Moon. “There is nothing left for me here, Tivar. My time in this world is through. I have lived long enough to become the monster I fought to kill. And it should never have taken me this long to realise that.”

“And that’s it? You face what you’ve become and just accept it?”

“What choice do I have? I can never take back the things I’ve done. I can never right the wrongs… I’m tired and she waits for me.”

“What about me?”

“What about you?”

“Do you think you are the only one who has done terrible things?” Tivar shifted, turning her body towards Farda. “Do you know how many Draleid I’ve killed? Thirty-seven. Thirty-seven who should have been like brothers and sisters to me.” Her jaw clenched, the muscles in her throat tightening. “And I didn’t have an excuse like yours. My soulkin’s heart still beats. Shinyara took your love and your joy and your empathy… She took everything with her. If I’d lost Avandeer, I don’t know what I’d have done. But I wouldn’t have done that.”

Farda knew she meant what he’d intended to do in the pool. “What is it to you what I do with my life? What claim do you have to force me to stay here? I turned my back on my friends, on my kin. I betrayed everything I’d ever fought for to try and break what The Order had become. I gaveeverything. My blood, my honour, my worth. I gave half my soul. Everything I’ve ever loved is gone. What have I left here?”

“There was a time,” Tivar said, letting out a soft breath, “a time when you and Eltoar were both the brothers I’d neverhad. And then you lost Hana and Valyianne, and I would say if anything we grew closer. What would they say now?”

“They would despise me for all the things I’ve done, for what I’ve become?—”

“A coward?”

Farda narrowed his eyes. “You think what I tried to do was cowardice?”

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