“No,” Tanner said with a weak shrug. “Yana is.” He pointed a few terraces down to where Yana sat with her back to them, pretending she hadn’t heard anything. “She thinks she’s like some shapeshifting shadow or something.”
“I’ve not seen her.” Ella looked down at the woman, allowing a smile to touch her lips, the wolf within her grumbling gently, Faenir nuzzling against her leg. She had of course seen Yana follow her every morning without saying a word, but Tanner didn’t need to know that.
“She’s worried about you.” Tanner leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his legs. “We’reworried about you.”
Ella laughed, shaking her head. “Nothing to be worried about.” She leaned forwards, mimicking Tanner’s stance, then looked down at Faenir, who gave her nose a lick with a wet tongue. She laughed, tilting her head to the side. The laughter died when her thoughts drifted. “Lasch and Elia’s son…”
“What about him?”
“He’s alive.”
“He’s what?”
“He’s alive,” Ella repeated with a sigh, sitting back up straight and staring down at the central yard, her gaze passing over the statues of the human and the Fenryr Angan.
“That’s…” The man paused for a moment. “Not good news?”
“He fights for the empire. He almost killed Calen at Tarhelm. He’s a mage.”
Tanner puffed out his cheeks, nodding slowly. “That’s a lot.”
“It is. I need to tell them he’s alive… but every time I try, I just… I can’t. Elia is recovering so well, but she’s so fragile. How do I tell her what Rist is? What he’s become? It could break her.”
“It could,” Tanner agreed.
“That’s not exactly what I’d hoped you’d say.”
Tanner shrugged. “Few things in this life are simple or easy, Ella. That is just the way of it. Everything has a cost, and it all just depends on whether or not you’re willing to pay it. What would you give for the truth, and is the truth worth it?”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that right now, Elia is… she’s in a good place, as good as can be. Perhaps it’s worth waiting, allowing her to heal. How much do you know of Rist? Of the hows and the whys? Did you speak to him?”
“I… No. We didn’t get a chance to speak while he was trying to murder my brother.”
Tanner nodded. “What’s the outcome if you tell her?”
“She’ll know the truth.”
“And what will that give her? Solace? Closure? Peace?”
“It will give her the truth. What more is there?”
“The truth for truth’s sake is not always what a person needs.”
“The truth isalwayswhat a person needs,” Ella snapped, the wolf rising within her.
“It’s your decision, Ella,” Tanner said calmly. “Just make sure that you don’t make it based on your own anger. Make it based on what Elia and Lasch need right now. The truth is important, but the timing of the truth can be just as much so.”
Ella only grunted in response.
They sat there in silence for a while longer until Tanner spoke again. “Every time I come to this place, my mind drifts to Rhett…”
“Mine too.” Just the mention of Rhett’s name felt like a knife had been plunged into her heart. Faenir whimpered at her feet.
“I’m sorry.” Tanner looked up at her from his hunched over position, his eyes already wet with tears. “I didn’t mean to?—”
“It’s fine.” Ella’s throat clenched, that empty feeling she knew so well flooding her veins and filling her chest. “It’s… I can go days, sometimes even a week, without thinking about him, as though he had never existed. And then, it just crashes down on me and breaks me all over again. And the guilt at forgetting him is like hot coals on my heart. It just… it rips at me. I could be sitting on a chair, staring into the fireplace, and thoughts of Rhett just consume me.”