Page 87 of The Price of Ice

Kallen found himself pressing his lips together, neck aching with tension. It wasn’t going to end well, it couldn’t, and wasn’t it even worse when the people who betrayed you were your own family? At least he’d had the option of going back to his parents’ place.

“I figured it out, eventually. There was a point when other children in the house learned about it from somewhere and half a day later everyone over the age of ten knew. I was thirteen.” He paused. “It sounded awful, and I was actually a sensible child,so I thought it couldn’t be true. I went to my father, because he was always patient with me when he taught me things and he praised generously. But he wouldn’t talk about it himself and he took me to my mother to explain. And she did, she told me everything. More than the kids had said, that it wasn’t just sex an omega who played in the team was expected to have with his alpha teammates, but children.That a lot of the children around me were just that, the product of business arrangement between a team omega and one of the alphas in his team.”

They’d all known all of that, obviously, but the silence felt heavy and thick, nonetheless. After all, they were all also desperate to escape the all-too-real nightmare.

Kallen realised he was half-praying Taylor had backed off, that he’d told them all to fuck off and funded this organisation and...

“Now I realise that she was hurt that my father wasn’t loyal to her, even though he’d never agreed to be. It must have been hard for her to see the children he’d had with the team’s omega, to know that he’d helped him through his heats. Or maybe she wanted to scare me off.” He offered a rueful smile and Kallen’s stomach fell. “It didn’t work, anyway. Instead of running away, I leaned in, finding out everything I could about sex from the older kids, books and eavesdropping. It was like they’d told me that I had to learn to dribble instead of...” He sighed. “I became sexually active at a very young age, convinced that if I practised, I could control my body in the bedroom the same way I could out in the field.”

Kallen didn’t want to know, but he was biting his lip not to ask anyway. He’d straightened on his chair, trying to contain his eagerness. It felt like watching an accident in slow motion, knowing it was coming and yet unable to stop it, or look away.

“I joined the reserves at eighteen,” Taylor said. “My father had injured one of his knees beyond repair, so I was allowed.And the team’s omega had just returned to playing after delivering his third pregnancy, which everyone knew meant he was one injury away from being done for good. In fact, he was one of the lucky ones, he retired voluntarily two years later.”

Kallen’s heart jumped.

“And then it was my turn.”

Someone made a low sound of distress to his right, but when he turned his head, there were about three people who looked like they could have done it. Of course, as much as he was trying not to show it, he himself kind of wanted to scream.

Taylor paused. “I stayed for three years. Before I became team omega, I’d enjoyed sex and even heat, so I figured it wouldn’t be a problem for me. I knew I couldn’t stay long enough for them to activate the pregnancy clause, but in my head, I convinced myself that I could have five years, make a lot of money and then walk away, maybe work coaching the next generation of kids.” Kallen watched his throat work. If he was doing the math right, the other omega must have left his team at twenty-three, and he looked to be a good twenty years older now, but the memory still held enough power to make him retreat into himself as he shared it. He must have worked on it, to be able to share it at all, but the scar remained. “Obviously sex with someone you have chosen is very different than sex as duty, no matter how heat high you are and sharing my heats with adults I’d grown up with was deeply... upsetting.”

Someone got up and stumbled away towards the toilet area, but no one else reacted.

After a moment, Taylor went on. “I loved playing, and I loved feeling special to the team. But I started to dread my heats. If it hadn’t been for anti-doping checks, I’m pretty sure I’d have started using something to dull the experience. As it was, I started reducing the hours I allowed myself to sleep in the nights preceding the peak of my cycle. Somehow, I became convincedthat if I timed it just right, I’d pass out from exhaustion when I needed to go the Heat Room. Mostly, I was too exhausted to fight the heat, which meant I was even more vulnerable than an omega in that position normally is.” He took a sip of a cup he kept by his side, though Kallen suspected more as a bid for time than to alleviate his thirst. “I didn’t feel good, and I didn’t look it either, the trainers complained I lost weight, for one. But no one in my family said anything about it. My parents tried to help, making food I liked and talking about training, but I don’t think it crossed their mind to ask me if I was happy.”

“I know this is shocking to hear.” His eyes briefly flashed towards the toilets. “But I’m not telling you to shock you. I want you to understand that I was aware that there was a problem, but I couldn’t see a way out without giving up something I loved, something I thoughtdefined me. And in my case, I’d been raised to see what was happening to me asnormal, so everyone around me expected me to cope. It’s a bit like when a coach asks you to run ten suicides. You do it because you think it must be possible.” He shook his head; a half smile that seemed to both chastise and forgive his past self for his naivety rising on his lips. “In a way, I had to get pushed past my limits to discover that I was something besides a football player, and even a member of my family. That when it came down to it, I could choosemyselfover anything and anyone else. But it took me three years to get to that point, and maybe some of you got there sooner and I know there are omegas who haven’t got to that point yet, and what do we know? Maybe one in a thousand won’t get there at all. What I know is that if I hadn’t found people who’d support me despite how long it took me, who told me I was worthy of respect and love even if I hadn’t always known to ask for them... Well, I wouldn’t be here today,” he concluded with a smile.

Kallen stared at him, because he didn’t think the man meant in this room in particular, but in the world at all. Maybe hewas making it up, because just thinking aboutthree yearswas turning his blood to ice in his veins, but...

They’d had a tea break after that, with a promise to the two people who hadn’t introduced themselves of getting back to them afterwards. Kallen didn’t get up with everyone else, and it wasn’t until she slumped against him that he noticed his friend hadn’t either.

“Damn,” Analisa said in a whisper. “That was—” She shook her head slightly against his shoulder and Kallen lifted his right arm and put it around her back, squeezing slightly.

Chapter 32

Levy surprised him by volunteering with a youth group in the outskirts of Jiro.

“They don’t just do hockey, today I was helping them with volleyball, but I don’t mind a bit of variety either.”

Levy had actually surprised him by calling, and even though Kallen had picked up with a sense of dread, now he found himself smiling. Outside a few audio messages, it was the first time he’d heard his friend’s voice since he’d left.

“That’s really cool,” he said softly. He’d detoured to the living room for a little privacy, even though his mother was busy upstairs. It wasn’t necessary, especially when she already suspected his more than friendly interest.

But he still wanted to keep this to himself. Whatever little flame they’d managed to salvage from the storm.

“So far, I haven’t been overrun, so...” Levy replied, his clear joy like a spark that set something inside Kallen’s own chest aflutter.

Kallen snorted. “Pretty sure you if you can handle the Hawk’s d-men, you can handle some eight-year-olds.”

“Yeah,” Levy agreed. “But can I handlesix-year-olds? They aresocute, Kallen, it’s unreal.”

Laughter bubbled up and came out of his mouth before he managed to hold it back. It felt weird, like he hadn’t laughed in a long time.

It’d been a nice chat, even if Levy had made a point of saying so at the end. He hadn’t pushed when Kallen had been vague about his own activities.

“It was,” he agreed. “You should send me some photos.”

“And call you again?” Levy asked, a little too gently for casual.

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