Page 32 of Beg the Night

“He wasn’t always like this,” Mags whispered loud enough to ensure I could hear. “He used to be fun.”

New Girl snorted. “I can’t picture that.”

“It’s true! I remember when he used to put me on his shoulders and jump into the lake by our house. He taught me to swim by pretending to be a monster in the water. We had so much fun together before?—”

“Shut up, Mags,” I warned, my gut twisting. “Don’t say another fucking word.”

And by the grace of fucking god, she listened.

I loved Mags. I wanted to love her, anyway. I felt a deep urge to protect her. Ionceloved her. I was certain of that.

Now? I feared I lacked the ability. I felt nothing, not even happiness at the memory she mentioned. Because those memories only reminded me of how fucked up our world had gotten. How fucked upIhad gotten.

It was my fault Mags was here with me.

And I would stop at nothing to get her out.

Eyes closed, I willed myself to sleep. It was nearly impossible. I was too attuned to the breathing beside me. The women settled into the cot, too, but though my back was turned, I could feel the way New Girl was assessing me, as if searching out my weaknesses. She wanted to break me. She wanted to control me.

But what did she know? I was a monster. An empty being with only one goal.

“CanI talk to you for a second?” Mags stood over me with her hands on her hips. “In private?”

I closed my book with a groan and kicked my legs over the edge of the cot. “Good luck finding privacy in here, Mags.”

She sat next to me and surveyed the area around us, looking for prying ears. “Are you really going through with this? The claiming, I mean?”

I swallowed. I’d been waiting for her to question me. “I’m not sure I have much of a choice anymore. If it’s what will get us out of here, then yes.”

Her shoulders sank a fraction. “You always have a choice.”

“You, of all people, should know that’s not true.”

The way she flinched in response to my words made my chest sting. “I don’t want you going through with this for me, okay? I know Director has spoken to you before, and I know you’re trying to protect me.”

Director did a hell of a lot more than speak to me about Mags. When the Ministry found us, they all but tortured her to get me to do what they wanted. And the worst part? It worked.

Mags was my weakness. And I’d never allow another person to have that kind of power over me. Because when it came to her, I would do anything the Ministry asked.

Even completing the claiming with New Girl.

“You don’t need to worry about me. After the ceremony, I’ll get us out of here. All three of us. We might not have another chance like this again.”

Mags looked down at the hands she kept folded in her lap. “It’s just that after what happened, you swore you’d never claim with anyone?—”

“Don’t.” The word was harsh. Harsher than I meant. But the last thing I wanted to think about was that memory.

Memories wouldn’t help us get out of here.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I appreciate your concern, Mags, I really do. But I’m okay. And as long as she is also willing, I’m going through with this.”

Mags finally looked up from her lap, blinking away a tear. “Well, good luck with that, brother. She really doesn’t like you.”

I growled, my chest rumbling.

“What?” She huffed. “It’s true! If you were a little nicer to her, maybe she wouldn’t be so repulsed!”

I blinked. “Repulsed?”

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