Page 110 of Beg the Night

I swallowed. “Can you feel my magic like that? I mean, what does it feel like to you?”

For a long time he was quiet, the only sound the trickling of the stream.

I resigned myself to not getting an answer. That was okay. It was an absurd question, anyway. I couldn’t control my magic. I had only been able to use it to heal Benedict because there was nothing in that moment I wanted more than for him to be well.

It was nothing like Sinner’s shadows. There was no presence to be summoned. It was like…it was like a nightmare coming to life. Could he feel it too? Could he feel how terrible it was to wield, how treacherous it could be?

“It feels like a storm.” His voice blended with the smooth song of the river. “Like something I know is coming but should prepare for.”

My heart thumped painfully against my breastbone, and all words escaped me.

“But it doesn’t feel dark. It isn’t…it isn’t scary. Not to me. I know I could wield it freely if I needed to. If you allowed me to.”

I nodded. “You could probably control it much better than I could, even if I had time to learn how.”

He scoffed. “I doubt that.”

“I’m serious. It may have looked like I had control back there, but I didn’t. If an intrusive thought had wormed its way into my mind while I was using my power, the magic could have made it happen, just like what I did to Katherine. I could have hurt you. I could have hurt Margaret.” Tears prickled at the backs of my eyes, but I sniffed them away. I was tired of crying.

Sinner finally lifted his head from the water and faced me. “Did you not see how incredible you were back there?”

My heart stumbled. “What? I?—”

“Benedict would be dead if it weren’t for you. You do know that, right?”

I shook my head. “He got lucky. Things could have gone very, very wrong. I could’ve?—”

“But you didn’t.” He leaned in until I could smell the light scent of lavender soap wafting from him. “Every time I let my phantoms out, I risk hurting someone. They can kill. You’ve seen it. You feel it. The difference between this?” He held his hands between us until a small tendril tickled my face. “And instant death? It has nothing to do with control. It’s all about intent.”

My breath hitched. “You learned to control your powers years ago. I’ve had one day of practice.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s your power.Yours.It will bend to you. You are its god. Not the other way around.”

I picked at my fingernails, at a loss for how to make him understand.

“If I were you,” he whispered, “I would have killed her a long time ago.”

A laugh slipped out of me before I could stop it. Damn, it felt good.

“Trust me, I’ve come close. She was lucky she wasn’t around when I?—”

I snapped my mouth shut before I went any further.The other times I killed.

“You’re not as terrible as I thought you were when I met you,” he said.

I glanced up at the truth in his words, frowning. “You didn’t know anything about me then.”

“I’m great at reading people. But you surprised me.”

I tried and failed to hold back a laugh.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing. It’s just.” I choked on another fit of laughter. “Great atreadingpeople.”

For a second, he stiffened, and my heart sank. I was sure I’d pissed him off. Hurt him by joking about his insecurity.

But before I could formulate an apology, he reached down and splashed water in my face.

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