Page 36 of Attraction

“Let it out? What, cry like a girl you mean? Prove you all right, that I can’t handle my shit? No. No this… it’s not me. I don’t do this—hell, I’m stronger than this.” But right now, she doesn’t feel strong and the harder she tries to not show her feelings, the more her rage burns deep inside.

Munroe has messed with her emotions and now she is struggling with an inner turmoil—the voice of an angry demon, kicking at her from inside, desperate to seek revenge on her perpetrator for making her feel this way. Gritting her teeth, there’s a low growl of anger and she shakes her head, desperately trying to resist the overwhelming urge to act on her emotions.

Ryan frowns, he can see her emotional pain and the struggle she’s having to control it. He’s worried and grabs hold of her, wrapping her tightly in his arms. “Hey… hey, it’s okay. Shush … just calm down, alright. It’s okay to cry, it’s just the drugs messin’ with you. Trust me, you’re gonna be fine, but you need to calm down.”

“No.” She cries, leaning her forehead against his chest as he holds her. “Shit… I’m sorry…” She takes a breath and looks up. “Sorry… goddamn it! I’m always gonna be the weak link, right? With this team—it will always be me. Things like this—it wouldn’t have happened to you, Zak, Oz… it just wouldn’t. You’d have stopped him and fought him off—done something, not let him…”

“Hey c’mon you’re okay, but you’re wrong… hell, I wouldn’t have been able to stop him if it were me. Kat, you’re not thinking straight. He drugged you which means it wasn’t a fair fight, and you had no way of defendin’ yourself. Even me and Zak can’t fight something like that. This is not your fault; you did nothing wrong.”

“He’s right …” says a voice from the doorway, loud and clear. “This is on Munroe.” Darius stands over them, folding his arms.

The atmosphere always changes with his presence in the room, his imposing size. The air instantly cools and the hairs on her neck prickle as they always do when he’s close by. She glances up, catching his gaze, the stare of his mauve eyes focused on hers. It lasts only a second, but it’s so intense.

She feels embarrassed because she so wanted to prove she could be strong, keep her head, and be one of this team. But so far she’s failed in every way—in her mind, she’s proved nothing. “You were right. When I arrived, you told Edwards I would be no good in this team, and something like this—it proves it. I am a weakness and that makes your team vulnerable.”

Darius laughs, almost sneering, his demeanor arrogant as he stands next to the couch, chewing his peppermint gum, looking at her. “That’s what you really think?”

She nods, the frown etched into her face, and she’s readily expecting a smug comment to come. After all, she’d already proved him correct.

He grins. “Well, that’s just bullshit! For one thing, my team is never vulnerable, and second, I don’t tolerate weak links. It’s for me to find out if you are one, by the way. And you can cut this bull-crap… this mess is on one person, and they’re not in this room. So, shut the hell up and go get some rest. I just came over to let you all know that I’m kickin’ the exercise back a day. It’ll give you a chance to recover—seems only fair and… well, I don’t want Digby to keep kickin’ my ass for not giving you a chance. Oh, and don’t worry about Munroe, he’s been taken care of. I gave him awarning…” He glances up at Zak and Digby. “So trust me, he won’t be bothering anyone again.”

She swallows. Her frustration has built to such a degree she feels sick again. She wants to rage and scream but can’t, not with them all staring at her. “Excuse me, I need to go and lay down, I’m feeling tired now. Zak’s right, that drug, it’s messing with me and I need to go sleep it off.”

“Kat …” Digby smiles. “Take my bed.” She frowns with concern and he knows what she’s thinking. He laughs. “No… I don’t mean that. Just that it’s bigger, more comfortable than that fold-out you’re on. I’ll get that sorted out today too,” he says sympathetically.

She takes a breath, looking at the others. On any other day, she’d have refused his bed, thinking it was just his way of readying her for more sex. But the feel of space and the soft mattress, it’s too much comfort to refuse. She nods and heads to the room opposite hers. The stare from the three pairs of pitying eyes is too much to deal with right now.

She readily falls against the pillows, taking a deep breath and thinking how good the bed feels—so warm and comfortable and just like his robe, the bed smells of Ryan. Closing her tired eyes, she buries her head against the pillow, absorbing his comforting familiar smell. She quickly falls asleep.

* * *

“Look I gotta go, I’ve got a briefing with Edwards,” Darius says. “He might have something lined up once we get through this exercise. Diggs, for today, you stay here, keep your eyes on her. And when I saykeep eyes onI don’t mean horizontally on top of her,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Zak, round up the others, you take lead—get them to the shoot-house, I’ll meet you there as soon as I’m done.”

“Hey Dee …” Digby frowns. “You gotta know she’s strong. I don’t know why the hell you can’t see it but there’s a lot more to her than this. You’ve gotta know I’m right.”

“Well, I hope you are… we’ll see. You know I’m not going to go easy on her just because of this, I need to know for sure that she’s not a weakness for this team… and that includes you.”

“She’ll be fine. She’s got what it takes, I know she has. I’ve just gotta get her to prove it.”

“Alright…. well, I’m gone. And Zak, stop wastin’ time—get going!”

They both nod, watching as Darius leaves.

“So, you want me to stay?” Zak asks.

“No, you heard him, go get the others and I’ll check on her.”

“Yeah sure… you check on her,” Zak laughs. “We’ll talk about thatotherthing… later.”

“Get your mind outta the gutter,” Ryan says. “But yeah, yeah, keepthatsafe for now. I need to think about how we sort that problem.”

* * *

Half asleep on the couch, headphones in and his eyes tight shut, Digby’s nose itches and he sniffs. Taking a deep breath in, he sits upright and pulling the music out of his ears he turns around. Kat’s scent overwhelms him. “Hell… you smell good!” He’s confused, looking at her—her clothing, it’s not the kind of attire he’d imagine her wearing: a short, plain black dress, that fully buttons from the scoop neck to the hem. Her hair is tied up on top of her head and she has a pair of white canvas sneakers on her feet. “Wait, are you goin’ somewhere?”

“Uh yeah… I need some air and so I thought I might go for a run, shake this headache off.” She smiles. “You don’t mind do you?”

“Mind? No, but… well, that’s hardly the outfit for runnin’?” He laughs, but then his face quickly changes to a frown. Baffled he questions her more. “Okay, what’s goin’ on?” It’s his turn to suspect her of not telling him everything.

---