Page 136 of Ruthless God

I stare at them, unblinking.

“What?”

Alyssa snorts, but there’s no humor in it. “It’s true. We were bought and sold like cattle before we could even walk.”

The words hit like a slap. It shouldn’t surprise me. Not with a father like Blanc, the same man who ignored me for twenty-four years. But somehow, it still does.

“Have you met the men?”

Bonnie shakes her head. “Not officially. But we know who they are.”

Alyssa’s jaw tightens. “And trust me, we don’t have a choice.”

Something sharp lodges in my chest. I wish there was some way I could help them. Do something. Anything.

A heavy silence fills the room. Bonnie traces a pattern on the bedspread, avoiding my gaze. Alyssa just stares at the ceiling, lips pressed together like she’s holding back every ugly truth she’s never said aloud.

“How do you feel about him? About your father…”

Neither of them answers right away. But then Alyssa lets out a sharp, bitter laugh.

“You mean the man who arranged our futures before we could talk?” She shifts, turning toward me. “Or the man who lied to us for our entire lives?”

Bonnie swallows hard. “The man who made sure we were always perfect. Always obedient. Always his.”

A lump forms in my throat. Because I know what it’s like to be controlled. But at least I wasn’t raised by the man pulling the strings. No, it was my mother…

“How do we feel about him? We hate him, Cecely.” Bonnie exhales, her voice quieter but just as raw. “And we love him.”

I freeze. Because that?

That is a truth I know far too well. The conflict of resentment and loyalty. The war between hating someone for what they’ve done, but still craving their approval. It’s exactly how I feel about my mother.

Bonnie lifts her gaze to mine. “I think that’s the worst part.”

Alyssa nods slowly. And for the first time, I see it. The part of them that is just like me. Because no matter how much I want to believe I’m different… I still want answers from Blanc and my mother. I still want to know why I wasn’t enough.

My voice is low as I say, “It was the same way with my mother. She was…hard to live with.”

“So I’m guessing you’re not thrilled she’s on her way?”

I shake my head. “She has this way of getting under my skin. She sees my weak spots and attacks.”

Alyssa says, “Gee, sounds like Dad. No wonder they love each other.”

“And your mom? What’s she like?”

Bonnie sighs, running a hand through her hair.

“Mom has had it rough. She grew up in this life knowing what to expect, but I think it still hurts, you know?”

I nod slowly, because I do know. I know exactly what it’s like to hope for something that was never meant to be. To want love from someone who would never give it.

Alyssa shrugs, but it’s not careless. It’s the shrug of someone who’s learned to bury the things that hurt. “Yeah. I mean, at some point I’m sure she thought Dad would fall in love with her.”

Something tightens in my chest. Because that’s the cruelest part of this world. It doesn’t just take choices away. It dangles them in front of you just close enough to make you believe they were possible.

Bonnie says, “I don’t think she ever wanted to hate him.”

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