Page 22 of The Other Side of Apart

“I’m saying we might be doing things that don’t require clothes, and I am very prepared.”

“Do things like…?

“I don’t know.” He kisses my neck as he climbs the stairs. “Catch up on a couple TV shows. Bird watch. Make Thanksgiving dinner six months early.”

I tighten my arms around his neck, laughing as he pushes open the door. Inside the beach house, a wall of windows overlooks the ocean, trees bowing all around it. An orange smudge of a fading sun hangs above the dark line of ocean in the distance, the only light coming into the room. We’re nothing but shadows in the glow.

But my mind leaps to what comes next now that we’re finally here, and fireworks explode in my stomach, hot and tingly. It was easy to flirt and drive Marcus close to the edge when we were on the road, but now…

My eyes meet his, our chests warm against each other. “So what should we do now that I’ve released my hormones? They’re running all over the place, and I’m not even going to try to control them now…”

He grins, and I hold my breath when his fingers play with my bra, the only thing still between us. When the clasp releases, I slip it off and watch his face.

His eyes drop to my bare chest, and he swears under his breath, and rushes through the shadowy living area, his hands roaming my bare back, down to my backside. His mouth is hot, hungry, and I melt into him. When we reach the bedroom, he lowers me to the bed, his hands exploring my body.

“I want you, Mei.” His hands find mine, fingers lacing together and stretching across the mattress as his mouth moves down my neck, lower. We’ve been in this place before, pushing limits, but now he’s not holding back, and the heat builds between us until the weight of his body presses out a memory of Nick. I squeeze my eyes shut to push it back down, but a word crawls up my throat and out. “Wait!”

Marcus jerks his head up hovering over me, catching his breath while his hand runs across my face. “Are you okay?” He pushes himself to his knees above me. “What’s wrong?”

“I…” I’m breathless trying to run from the memory of Nick throwing me onto the bed, his body suffocating. “I don’t know.” I whisper, and he searches my face before lowering his forehead to my chest.

“Did I scare you?” he asks. The question flits around me as I steady my breathing. “I’m so sorry, Mei. I got caught up in…everything. Didn’t think about how triggering this could be.”

“Please don’t apologize,” I say, tears gathering in my eyes. “Everything’s great. So good—amazing—and…finally, we’re here. I’m just…” I don’t want to say the word because I’ve been the one teasing him all week long, frustrated that he wouldn’t lose it over me, but now he’s on the edge, ready to leap, and I’m the one backing away from the cliff. “I love you. I trust you. I just didn’t realize…” Didn’t know Nick is still ruining every perfect thing in my life. I thought I was over it after our week of making out and wishing and wanting to speed past his limits.

He looks up, reading my eyes, his face softening as his hand smooths my forehead. “You don’t have to say it, Mei. I know there are things that still haunt you.” His eyes hold mine in the gray light. “Also, if I’m being honest, I get that you’re nervous because I am, too. Have been all day.” His hand cradles the back of my neck, weaving into my hair. “At least I was until I saw you like this and my brain shut off.” He smiles, kisses meslowly, deeply, like he’s reaching inside me to stroke my panic. He pauses, his eyes staring into mine. “Let’s slow things down, yeah? We’ve got forever to do this. So you’re in charge—you decide when you’re ready.” He smiles against my neck and rolls off me. “I don’t need any advance notice—I’m ready whenever. But you know I can wait, too. So, so good at waiting.” He pulls me into him, his hand stroking my back, my head on his chest, and I wonder, not for the first time, how, in my world of bad luck, I ever got this lucky.

I smile at the dark ceiling, watching the moon throw shadows through the window. Marcus is sprawled on his back beside me, his arm over his forehead, breathing deeply in his sleep. It’s a sound I fell in love with our first night in the cottage, even if it was from the top bunk.

We’re definitely not in separate beds now. I roll into his side, reliving the last six hours. After my panic attack, Marcus held me, and we talked about our wedding day, the craziness of the last month, and how great it was to see Johnny, Lin, and Guo Mama. And then he’d told me all about the research he’d done for this moment—all the books with the covers torn off he’d read alone in his top bunk. He’d smiled into my neck, and I’d scooted up so I could hold his face in both hands as I’d kissed him.

“So now you’re an expert.”

He’d grinned. “Uhh…more like a well-read amateur. Who really,reallywants to learn but is insanely nervous.”

He’d gotten honest about his fears, and as he talked, I’d traced his mouth with my fingertip, drawn into his world. It had led to my own moment of honesty when I’d slipped out of the sheet he’d wrapped around me. His eyes had sparked, and we’dmade out, our hands and mouths teasing until our nerves had sputtered and gone quiet.

I bite my lip, my smile widening at the ceiling. Marcus taught me things I didn’t even know about myself last night. He was patient, gentle, careful, and when there was finally nothing between us, he created a new space in my heart, just for him. After, we’d lain facing each other in the dark, smiling and amazed at where we’d gone together.

My body is sore in new places, but I’m overflowing with love and gratitude. I feel bad for any girl who doesn’t have a Marcus for her first time. Or all the times after that.

The moonlight still glitters above us, but thoughts of another dark room in L.A. move across my mind, blocking the light. I yank my thoughts back into this silvery, moonlit room where, last night, Marcus proved that he and Nick are two different species.

I wiggle my toes and run my fingers lightly over the words he wrote in Sharpie around my belly button after our first time: “WHOA” and beneath it “Day 1 of ∞.”

I hold up my left hand, moving it around so the infinity ring glints in the shadows. My grin stretches my whole face, even though I should be sound asleep after last night. But my mind refuses to quiet, so I slide my hand over Marcus’s bare chest, my eyes still on the ring as I rest my mouth on his ear. “Wake up, sleepyhead…”

I kiss his earlobe, and he stirs, mumbling something unintelligible. His hand slides across his stomach to my waist, and he rolls into me, his mouth pressing against my neck.

“Hey, baby.” He kisses my throat, up to my chin, whispering as he goes. “Sorry I fell asleep so fast, but… kind of a busy night.”

I run my fingers through his hair, holding him to me. “I have the perfect way to wake you up because I don’t want to waste time sleeping…”

He pulls back, his eyebrows raised. I grab his hand and tug him up and across the mattress. Snatching one of the robes hanging on the closet door, I wrap it around myself before handing him one.

Pulling on his robe, he glances at the clock on the nightstand. “You know it’s three AM, right?”

I nod, grinning as I lead him and his sluggish feet to the hot tub on the deck overlooking the ocean. Cool air weaves around my legs, the wooden deck smooth beneath my feet as I step toward the hot tub, reaching for the belt on my robe.

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