Page 8 of The Other Side of Apart
Marcus: So… I feel like things have been weird. They’ve been weird right?
Not the word I’d use but yes. Weird.
Mei: Maybe it’s because you went from boyfriend to “bunk mate.”
I hit send before I can stop myself and grip my phone. I shouldn’t have sent it. It’s not his fault. All of this is mine, and I don’t want to take it out on him.
I glance at my phone. The other end is silent. I said too much. I start to textSorry, but his response slides onto the screen.
Marcus: I don’t know what you want me to be. And I don’t want to hurt or scare you.
Mei: How would you do that?
Marcus: You froze up on me in the hut. I could tell it wasn’t from the temperature. It freaked me out. Never wanna do anything that makes you think of Nick or think I’m like him. I want you for all the right reasons. And some that might be wrong, but I don’t know the right way to handle any of it.
Mei: Bruises heal. I’m not fragile, so stop treating me like I might break. This weird, “pretend we’re roommates” thing hurts worse than any bruise. I thought about walking out of the bathroom today naked just to see what you’d do. Anything to find out if you’re still interested in me. Are you?
I put my hand on my chest, all the boiling emotions inside me erupting and burning through me until I want to run from myself.
Three dots appear on the screen.
A text.
Marcus: Tell Jerry I’m picking you up from work tonight.
CHAPTER 5
My grip tightens on the motorcycle handlebars because I kind of hate coming to this Chinatown. It reminds me of the other Chinatown. My Chinatown. And when I think of that Chinatown, it reminds me I can’t go back—can’t go home because it’s not home anymore. Right now, it’s kind of like Mei and I don’t have a home. The cottage is fine, but it doesn’t feel comfortable like home should. Maybe that’s because we’re not comfortable. Haven’t been in weeks. Not since the hut where I said too much about some things and not enough about others, then lost my mind when I felt her against me. Made it all physical, even though I promised myself I’d give her space and prove I want her for all the right reasons. I slipped up, let my hormones drive, and they slammed into a brick wall in the form of a stiff, traumatized Mei who wouldn’t talk about it. She still hasn’t. I clench my jaw. I will never do anything that makes her stiffen like that again, like my touch reminded her of Nick.
He left marks on Mei that go deeper than bruises. I’m not sure she’ll ever fully heal from what happened, and I wanna give her the space she needs. But after reading her text, maybe I gave her too much space. I don’t know. Don’t know what’s going through her head since we haven’t really talked about muchof anything important, using words or eyes. I’m terrified I’ve changed things permanently by not asking questions that need to be asked. I asked questions and said things once, and next thing I knew, I didn’t see her for two weeks. Never thought I’d see her again, and now we’re here together, yeah, but we’re still such a mess.
I’m still dying to take the next big step with her, but also kinda not. Going there has been the end of relationships for too many people I know, and at this point, I’ll do anything—or not do anything—to keep Mei with me. I wish I could ask Dad exactly what he did wrong with my mom so I could avoid all of it. But that’s not gonna happen. What I need to do is be honest with her, even if she runs from me. I did a decent job with honesty at the hut until testosterone took over. I thought things would just naturally go back to normal, but I think we left normal in San Francisco. In the space we created between us the night we fought, and Meemaw walked in, and Mei ran. Meemaw’s not here, but that doesn’t mean Mei won’t run if things stay uncomfortable.
My hands haven’t stopped shaking, and my appetite found a great hiding place after I read her text earlier today.
I veer the motorcycle into the alley behind the restaurant and park at the back entrance. Jerry and Wen told me I could come in this way since Mei and I are family. It’s been comforting, having them in the house just up the path from the cottage. Even if Wen asks me every day when Mei and I are getting married, like she’s the Seattle version of Guo. She’s old school and doesn’t like the idea of us living together. Dad would hate it even more, even if nothing’s happening. I always give Wen a made-up date because the truth is, I’d marry Mei today if I knew what tomorrow was gonna look like. Just don’t have anything to offer right now, and I’m not sure what she wants. Most likely something way better than what she’s currently getting: ascared, confused, clueless guy who doesn’t know how to be in charge of his own life, let alone hers or ours or whatever this is. I once thought I could be enough for her, back when everything had logical next steps and real life was theoretical. Now…I’m not so sure.
Letting out a breath, I pop my knuckles, open the back door, and step into the restaurant’s storage room. I weave around shelves filled with weird-smelling boxes and spices and push aside the drape to the break room.
The three times I’ve been here, it’s always been empty, but tonight, a girl’s standing in front of a big whiteboard. She looks over when I come in, and I lift my hand in a half-wave.
“Hey. Just waiting for Mei.” I throw my thumb over my shoulder toward the back entrance. “Jerry told me it was okay.”
She holds a dry erase marker, clicking the cap on and off, and turns toward me, her eyes sweeping my face before doing a quick full-body scan. “Definitely okay,” she says in perfect English. “Please tell me you’re her adopted brother.”
I laugh and jiggle the motorcycle key in my hand. “Uh…that would be…bad. And illegal.”
She smiles. “So, driver?”
“Boyfriend.” I nod. “Definitely boyfriend.” Seems like I should be way more than that by now, though.
“Ah, the infamous Marcus we’ve all heard so much about.” The girl tilts her head. “If you’re ever not her boyfriend, let me know.”
“Oh. Yeah… ummm…looks like there won’t be an opening anytime soon. Hopefully never. She’s kinda my favorite thing.”
“How did she land that spot?”
“By being Mei.”
