Page 65 of The Other Side of Apart

“What are you going to do?”

“My job. Which is to figure out how all these pieces fit together.” He rubs the stubble on his face. “And for now, until I have all the pieces, I need you to refrain from contacting anyone. I don’t want to turn on a giant spotlight for Nick Chao to find you. Okay?”

Is he talking to my body in the room with him now or my heart that’s back in Indiana with Marcus? Only five days—a week at most—I remind myself and say, “Okay.”

CHAPTER 37

One week later

Iroll over and grimace when the remote jabs my ribs. I freeze, then slump back into the couch again, remembering where I am. And that Mei’s not here at Johnny’s with me. It’s been a week and a half since I saw her last. Ten days, working on eleven. No word from her to tell me she’s okay. Or tell me where she went, maybe? If she plans on ever coming back once she “fixes” everything?

It’s just me, Johnny, and his roommates. I’m the stranger here, but it’s a billion times better than being the stranger at The Clubhouse with New Mom. Actually, no—I’d have to have an original mom to have a new one, and we know how that went. So just…Kenna. Kenna who’s nice. Kenna who makes Dad smile like I haven’t seen him smile, ever. Kenna who loves Jesus and is honest and straightforward and who I think I’d even like if Dad wasn’t all over her. If I hadn’t walked in on them on the couch. The same couch, in the same compromising situation I once waswith Mei. Wish Meemaw was the one to walk in on that private moment instead of me.

Think I’d like Kenna if having her around didn’t remind me that I’m a guest at The Clubhouse now, a third wheel. I’d probably like her if having a girl around didn’t remind me every second of every day that I’m Ray Miller 2.0: no girl and will hate women for the rest of my life because they ruin everything. Dad only made it single for eighteen years. I’ll crush his record.

I snatch the remote and turn on the TV, desperate for noise to drown my thoughts, but the Food Network is featuring Chinese cuisine. Click. The Discovery Channel’s uncovering the secrets of Asia. Click, click, click. HGTV is doing House Hunters International. In Taiwan. Of course they are.

I swear, shut off the TV, and toss the remote on the floor. Johnny’s apartment is pretty quiet since it’s four in the morning, and he and his roommates just went to bed a couple hours ago. It’s only been two days since Dad dropped me off here. I thanked him and hugged him goodbye before closing the apartment door. In all the time I spent worrying about Dad being alone, it never crossed my mind I’d be the one flying solo in the end.

I dig my fingertips into my chest over my heart. I swear I’m bleeding internally. I woke up every ten minutes last night feeling like I was suffocating, but it was just me gasping for air that smells like moldy laundry and stale grilled cheese.

Thoughts and memories of Mei are crawling all over me, pinning me down and forcing me to remember the past nine months. When my phone finally says 6 AM, I stagger to my feet, adjust the brace on my leg, and fold up my couch bed. I hobble into the bathroom and brace myself against the counter. Looking at the mirror, I wanna rip it off the wall. Smash it. But Johnny saunters in, dressed for work.

“Hey, man.” He stands beside me and adjusts his tie in the mirror. “Get any sleep last night?”

“Nah.”

He glances at me out of the corner of his eye, buttoning his shirt sleeves. “Listen, maybe it’s time to?—”

“Nope.” I shake my head, hoping he’ll stop.

“Okay, okay. Fine, but I’m gonna help you through this, bro. Promise.” Johnny looks at me with as much sincerity as he possesses. “It’s all gonna be smooth. You work on getting that facial hair under control, I’ll work on the rest of your life. Like getting you a job. I’ll see if they’ll hire you at the restaurant. That cool with you?”

I nod to satisfy him. Johnny slaps my back, and I teeter a little. He laughs, so I slap the back of his head.

“Alright, alright—sorry, man. Forgot you’re crippled. For the first time in our lives, I could cream you. Wanna go for a run later?” He ducks and darts out of the bathroom when I try to hit him without losing my balance.

“Okay, but for reals,” he says, popping his head around the doorjamb. “Couple people coming over this afternoon. I’m trying to get off early, but if they get here before me, answer the door, man. Let them in. Act civilized. Catch you later. Eat whatever you can find.”

But what I’ll actually do is lay on the couch, stare at the ceiling, and slip back and forth between reality and memory. Torture myself with Mei thoughts and wonder where she went. Think about her note and what it meant or didn’t mean. Why’d she have to be so vague?

I shower and brush my teeth but don’t bother shaving before I assume my position on the couch, my leg itchy and hot and restless. A few hours later, someone knocks on the door and since Johnny isn’t home, I push myself up and hobble over. I open the door and stare at the person on the other side, my hand gripping the doorknob.

Her eyes widen and travel down my body, then return to my face, confused. “Marcus?”

I’ve given a girl everything I have—emptied myself for her. So when my eyes meet this girl’s, it takes me a few long seconds to register who she is. But once I do, everything stills. “Tavah?” My voice sounds like I’m happy to see her, but my jacked up heart retreats farther inside my hollow body, unable to offer emotions.

“It’s…been a minute.” Her eyebrows go up, then down. She’s confused. Not sure if it’s from seeing me or seeing me like this. “Prom seems like forever ago.”

My heart burrows deeper. “Sorry. Yeah, wow. You surprised me.” She hasn’t taken her eyes off mine, and my insides are squirming. “It seems like a lifetime ago.”

“Yeah.” A smile finally spreads across her face.

A giggling group of girls comes up the stairs behind her, and Tavah turns toward them. “You’ll never believe who’s here, guys!”

The girls stop and stare. I recognize them from high school but have no clue what their names are, so I smile and offer a half-wave. “Uh…come on in. Johnny’ll be here in a bit.” I edge the door open wider, looking down as the girls walk in.

I try to recover and drag my eyes to Tavah’s whose are just waiting. But for what? Acknowledgement? Actual words? I can’t even breathe normally these days, so thoughts to words? Not likely.

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