Page 3 of The Other Side of Apart
“No. For making me feel safe. This place is gross, yeah, but it’s the safest I’ve felt in weeks.”
I glance at the floor, swallow, then nod before stepping onto the narrow deck, hugging the wall under the overhanging roof. I lean my head back, close my eyes. My brain buzzes, my body vibrates and twitches, knowing it should be on the road, putting more distance between us and San Francisco. Wondering how long it will take Dad to find us and hoping Guo’s brother won’t give up on us if we don’t arrive tonight. Wondering how to helpMei and what we should and shouldn’t talk about, but knowing it all—everything left unresolved when we hit the road—will have to come out, eventually.
When I shiver, I peel off my soaked shirt, fling it over the rickety railing, count to thirty, then sixty, then ninety before stepping back through the door, hoping Mei’s dressed. But when my eyes adjust to the murky room, she’s lying on the raft in my hoodie, her legs pulled inside it. Asleep.
Warm.
Safe.
I watch her, grateful she’s here and feels safe enough to crash. One of us needs to, but it’s not gonna be me with my head this full. Even if I haven’t slept in…two days? Don’t know. I don’t know so many things. Like what’s hiding in Mei’s head after what happened to her. What ifs and whys race through my mind so quickly I can’t keep up. They turn to fear and unexpected anger, and they’re crowding me out of this space.
I slip off my soggy shoes, reach for the knob and hurry out of the hut toward space and fresh air. I sprint down the ramp, burning off energy and emotions—anger about Dad’s lies, guilt over leaving the way I did. Fear from the pictures of Mei and me on Nick’s phone. Leftover anxiety from driving the motorcycle at top speed to outrun our old lives. Confusion about why I found Mei broken at Guo’s and why she left me for that. Self-loathing for being at prom with another girl while Mei was getting beaten. Worse.
I break into a run, rain slashing at my face and blurring my vision until I’m at the water’s edge. All the brewing emotions stretch inside me, blending light with dark, calm with frantic, assault and surrender. I jumped back into Meiland headfirst when I found her at Guo’s, but slammed against new, impenetrable layers. And now? I’m trying to find my footing and balance, but maybe I’m trying too hard. Maybe I reactedtoo quickly when I found her at Guo’s and my emotions drove us here, not my logic. Maybe I’m desperately holding onto something that was never solid in the first place. Maybe I’m not supposed to be here and was never meant to have Mei.
CHAPTER 2
My eyelids slide open when thunder rattles the hut. Sitting up, I blink in the dark, but there’s no Marcus. I don’t remember falling asleep and am unsure how long I’ve been out. Scooting off the raft, I scramble to my feet, reaching for the wall when I lose my balance. Last I remember, he went outside so I could change. Surely he’s not still sitting on the tiny deck. But maybe he had second thoughts about coming with me and left. I wouldn’t blame him.
On my way to the door, I stumble over his shoes and take a shaky, relieved breath. He’s still here. I open the door and scan the deck, ramp, then the horizon before spotting him far down the beach where he stands knee deep in reckless waves. He’s shirtless, his skin red and glossy from the cold rain, hands clasped on top of his head as he watches the chaos of the ocean.
Despite being dry and warm, I rush down the ramp, across the beach toward him, rain pelting my face and bare legs. His back is tense, the muscles holding in whatever he’s wrestling, and I pause, not sure if I should keep running toward him or give him space. Maybe he needs it. Maybe he’s second guessing leaving everything behind for me.
My fear about his thoughts pushes my voice up and out, and I call his name over the wind. His head snaps over his shoulder, his hair plastered to his forehead, rain dripping from his eyelashes.
“You don’t have to come with me.” I shake my head. “I can?—”
He turns toward me. “Don’t do this, Mei.”
I swallow, wrap my arms around myself, already soaked again. “Don’t do what?”
“Try to get rid of me.”
I shake my head. “That’s not what?—”
“I’m here because I choose to be here. I wanna be here. With you,” he calls over the crashing waves.
“I’m just saying, you don’t have to walk away from your life because of me. You’re not obligated to do any of this.”
“Obligation? That’s the first word that came to mind?” He looks away, his jaw pulses.
“You think you have to protect me,” I call, “but you don’t. It’s not your job.”
“Oh. Right.” He nods, his stare holding me in place. “I’ll just have to be okay with whatever Nick did to you. Because he’s practically your family and all that. Yeah—sorry. Sometimes I just forget how great he is when I’m looking at all the black and blue love he left on your face.”
I sort through responses, but he goes on.
“Why did you leave?” He squints through the rain. “We could’ve worked through anything. I know I was frustrated and said things I shouldn’t have that day at the clubhouse, but we could’ve figured it out. Then you wouldn’t have gone back to Nick, and we wouldn’t be here right now.”
“I didn’t go back to him, Marcus. After your grandma walked in on us, I was afraid I’d ruined everything for you. I was so embarrassed. So I ran home. I was planning on calling you, but Nick was waiting at my house. And he knew about you. Hethreatened to hurt you if I ever talked to you again or if I didn’t go to L.A. with him.” I blink back tears. “I told Baba I didn’t want to go, but that wasn’t an option. I knew deep down something bad was going to happen, but I was trapped.”
He watches me through the mist caught in the tension. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice is raspy. “Because if I’d known what was happening, I would’ve done anything to get you away from him. And it has nothing to do with obligation, Mei. I called and texted after you ran, but you never responded, and I thought that meant you wanted out. That you were done with us.”
Pain pulses through me, hot and sharp. “I wanted to call you. But what was the point? I knew I couldn’t have you, so why drag you into my life any more than I already had? Why torture myself with things I couldn’t have? You would’ve gotten hurt.”
He throws his hands in the air. “Getting jumped would’ve felt massively better than wondering if maybe someday you’d talk to me again. And the worst part is, if I hadn’t come looking for you after prom and found you at Guo’s, you would’ve disappeared, and I never?—”
He breaks off when my hand clutches my chest, a command to keep breathing after hearing the word “prom”. Because of course he went to prom. Of course he continued living his life. Why should I be so shocked? Hurt? I did this to myself by running, and my feet ache to take me away from images of Marcus with another girl.
