Page 6 of Filthy and Dirty with the Bikers

Holden holds my gaze while he replies to the assistant, “I’m finishing up.”

She closes the door, and Holden stares down at me with purpose. It’s a look that crosses the line past therapist and into something I can’t quite define. “You answer when I call. Tell me you understand.” His tone is deep, and suddenly, his intentions are clearer. He’s dominant, but it’s not harsh. It’s concern, fatherly almost.

I nod, holding the darkness in his gaze a second longer as my heart thumps heavy against my chest and my clit throbs.

Why do I love this? Why do I need more? Why am I desperate for his hands to brush against my skin?

“Say it out loud. Tell me you understand,” Holden continues, his hand finally meeting my face. It’s the slightest touch, and he recoils a second after it happens as though he shouldn’t have touched me, but the warmth lingers against my cheek, and for a second, I’m lost. Lost in a reality where I’m finally loved the way I need to be loved. Lost in a place where my heart is at peace, and I feel free to be myself. Lost in a reality that doesn’t belong to me, that can’t belong to me unless I make a change.

Dragging in a deep breath, I look up at Holden. There’s comfort and understanding in his eyes. A sea of emotion I want to capsize in. I lick my lips as my stomach tightens. There are no decisions left to make. My body is with Tyler, but my heart moved on a long time ago. I need to leave. “I’m going with Rhett… for sure. And… I’ll answer when you call. Promise.”

He stares at me, and I swear I feel the struggle of his body as he tries not to move.

A lump passes down his throat as his dark eyes stay fixed on mine. “Good girl. I’ll call you later.” He turns away, taking the heat of his body and the spiced scent of mandarin with him. But I’m left with something, something just as warm, maybe even hot…the sound of his voice telling me what a good girl I am.

Chapter Three

Molly

I stare up at the ceiling fan whirring above me, wondering what the hell Rhett thinks he knows about Tyler, and how I don’t know it already. I live with the man. I think I’d know if he were living some secret life. Then again, I’ve been proven over and over how good Tyler is with manipulating people. He even laughed once about it, thanking me about how I’d taught him emotions so he could use them to manipulate more people into doing the things he wanted them to.

I’m not sure why I laughed at it at the time. Maybe it’s because I really believed it was a joke, or maybe it’s because I didn’t want to see him for what he truly is. Holden says that’s what toxic relationships do to a person. They twist you up in knots so you don’t know what to feel. Then, just when you think you can leave, they turn the love on again, hard and heavy, so you start to question why you ever thought of leaving in the first place. You’d think something like that would be easy to see, but it’s not.

A truly manipulative person can turn something as simple and beautiful as love into a laundromat spin cycle.

Holden is right. Rhett is right. My gut is right. Once and for all, I need to get out of this relationship, and I need to do it as safely as possible. I pull a notebook out of my bedside table and set the ink into motion just before my phone buzzes. I reachfor the distraction and I’m thankful when I see Holden’s number pull up on the screen.

Holden: I found your friend Rhett.

My heart squeezes then floods my chest with heat.

Me: What?

Holden: Turns out we know each other. We ride in the same MC.

They already know each other? MC? What?This can’t be in his job description. He’s taking a personal interest, right?He must be.

I ask Google if atherapist calls me outside of appointments to check in, is this normal?

Response… some therapists are open to texts and calls from clients outside of normal appointments, particularly if the client is feeling overwhelmed.

I blow out a breath. Clearly, I’m losing it. This is definitely a situation where I might be overwhelmed. Contacting Rhett probably makes sense to him in the same way it makes sense when a pharmacist checks with the doctor for a prescription. Technically speaking, Rhett is my prescription tonight.

I’m overthinking this.I’m sure the touching today was involuntary.

My stomach turns and a wave of nausea works its way up my esophagus. I’ve been feeling like this every morning lately. I think it’s my body’s way of telling me that it’s time to make a change. I Googled that answer as well.

Holden: I remembered you talking about a friend of your brother’s that worked construction awhile back. I took a leap and called a few companies asking for him. Turns out, Rhett’s a popular name up there.

Sorry, Holden, but Rhett’s not even his real name. That said, I imagine there are more than a few Ryans working construction in Alaska.

HopefullyRhett’snot pissed. Since the whole relocation thing, he’s been more private than ever about his personal information. I can’t really blame him. He spent quite a while being chased by these loan sharks his parents tricked him into dealing with before they passed. He needs a fresh start while they catch these guys, and I’d never do anything to jeopardize his safety.

Me: Oh yeah? What did he say?

Holden: He was glad I reached out. He’s been worried about you. Small world.

Me: Small town.

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