Page 18 of Filthy and Dirty with the Bikers

I open my mouth to talk but I’m caught by the way the words twist in my mind. “I don’t know yet. It’s still so hard to see it, but maybe that loving Tyler was never about love. Maybe loving Tyler was about learning how to be resilient.” I laugh as I say, “It does sound stupid when I say it out loud. I mean, plenty of people never need to learn that lesson. Love just gets to be love.”

“Look, I’m not saying it was for nothing. I’m sure you took something away from that experience, but I don’t believe for a second that a sweet girl like you should have to see the worst love has to offer in order to know what love doesn’t feel like. Think about it in terms of business instead. You don’t let fate guide the way. You make strategic moves to get your affairs in order. How’s all that going by the way? You said you were having trouble and—”

“How do you know all these things about me?”

“What?” He glances toward me then back toward the road again, his previously relaxed frame tensing.

“You mentioned the feathers earlier and just now you said a ‘sweet’girl like me. You don’t know that I’m sweet, and I never told you about my flower shop. So…”

He swallows hard and tugs at his salt and pepper beard again. “You’re right. I don’t know you.”

“How do you know all these things then?”

“I don’t know… Rhett talks.”

Silence ensues for a long hard moment as I watch the single white-capped mountain disappear. Maybe Rhett talks about me more than I thought. Though, I didn’t tell anyone but Tyler about the flower shop failing and that was a huge regret. He made me feel like shit about that almost every day. Maybe I am all the things he—

No!I can’t let myself go down that hole again.

I swallow hard and stare toward Maverick. “I’m sorry this girl let you down. You don’t deserve that. I mean… you seem like a great guy.”

He stares out at the mountains beyond the front range as though he’s in thought about something. I feel bad. I shouldn’t have brought the girl up again. Whatever happened there really messed him up.

“You know this is an old bank.” He glances toward me as he pulls in front of the brick building where Holden and I meet for therapy each week.

My brows wrinkle. “A bank?”

“Yeah, from the eighteen hundreds. The first folks that came through this town set this up as their financial institution. And that building next door used to be a blacksmith. They’ve got some great photos down at the library.”

“I never knew.” I’ve read about guys like Maverick in books. The type that dodges everything real to keep himself from pain. I empathize with that sentiment more and more lately.

He nods and unbuckles his seatbelt, shifting the truck into park. “Silver miners brought their families here to get rich. They did well until the price of silver dropped off.” I never considered the history of the old west, but when I hear folks talking about it, I’m always fascinated by the dreams people had when traveling out to this area. Life was unknown, and anything was possible. This was a whole new world.

“Didn’t they all freeze to death or something?” I twist toward Maverick and screw my finger into my hair as he talks.

“Not all of them, but this one woman did. Her and her kids. Her husband left her for a younger woman. She had to fend for herself, which meant hunting was up to her too.”

I produce an untimely grin. “But if she had a harem, she’d have had two men to fall back on.”

Maverick smiles and readjusts his baseball cap. “Well, if that ain’t some shit. We’ve all been livin’ wrong, haven’t we?”

“I mean,” I smile and shrug, “I’ve been trying to tell you.”

His gaze locks with mine and his hand sweeps up, landing on my cheek gently. “You’ve, ugh, you’ve got something right there.”

Given the fact that I threw up twenty minutes ago and the man is wiping something off my face, I’d say he deservesa medal. Embarrassment wants me to swat him away and bury myself into the snowbank in front of the brick building, but something else holds me in place.

Maverick leans in slightly, and my body responds. “This was an enlightening ride,” he says as he brushes his thumb against my cheek again. “Maybe fate did mean for us to be here.”

I swear to heaven I must be in a coma. I wonder how to signal to the nurses that I’d never like to wake. Instead, I’d like to keep this version of life. The one where I’m putting the past in the past and finding myself in a square with three men that I wholeheartedly don’t deserve.

Maverick leans in closer, his eyes dropping to my lips before meeting my eyes again. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he wanted to kiss me. That, or I’m reading this whole situation like I’m actually living in the harem I’ve been reading, which is wrong. I shouldn’t do that. Real life isn’t a hot guy club sandwich every day of the week. Real life doesn’t have space for one woman to love three men. It just doesn’t happen. Yet, here I am, come still dripping from my night with Rhett, while Maverick comforts me and Holden steps out onto the sidewalk.

He straightens his suit in the blowing wind. It’s not like him to meet me outside like this, but given the circumstances of yesterday’s events, I see why he’s here.

Maverick leans back and clears his throat before blowing out a heavy breath. “You ready?” His tone is rough and laced with what sounds like frustration.

“Did I do something wrong?”

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