Page 20 of Filthy and Dirty with my Captors

“This isn’t about love, Owen. You—”

“No, Birdie, Iloveyou. Like, I’minlove with you.” He stares toward me with wide eyes before tilting his head to the side slightly. “I’ve always been in love with you. Since the day we met, you were this bright, bubbly girl with an excitement for life that doesn’t exist anywhere else. You had dreams for your dreams.” He drags in a deep breath. “The thought of another man touching you for the first time, the thought of yousellingyourself, it sent me over the edge.”

My thighs tense and my stomach tightens as he lands his big hand on my cheek and holds it there thoughtfully. I’ve had feelings for Owen for as long as I can remember, but I can’t believe what I’m hearing after what he’s done.

“I may not have said it out loud, but you belong with me, Birdie. You always have, and there was just no way in hell I was letting some fucking stranger take your innocence like that.”

My skin prickles and heat passes between us the same way it has for years, except this time we’re both acknowledging it. “You know I love you,” I sigh, “but I can’t forget this happened. Youkidnappedme! Youdruggedme! You took away the one opportunity I had to get my life straight!”

“Your life is straight, Birdie. You’re doing everything right, but shit takes time. It did for me, for Moose, for Hawk. It’s—”

“Who are those guys, anyway? I’ve never heard you talk about them before.”

He glances down and sighs. “Buddies. I’ve known them for years. You’ve probably heard me call them by different names. Dave is Moose and Cody is Hawk. Back in the day, Cody got a hawk tattoo, and we got to bullshitting about it. They’re just stupid names for when we hang out.”

“Then where does the Zee come from?”

I can see the cringe on his face as he says, “Zebra. I got laughing so hard that Moose said I sounded like a zebra. Thankfully, I’ve mostly walked them back from that name. It got pretty bad for a while there.” His face shifts. “They’re good guys. I’d trust ‘em with my life. I wouldn’t put you in harm’s way, ever.”

Shit, I have heard Owen talk about Dave and Cody. Quite a lot, actually. They get together once a month for cards, fishing, or lunch in town, though it’s weird to think of captors having real names now. I kind of like them as Hawk and Moose. It’s fitting.

“Maybe we could’ve had them over for a game night or something, skipped the whole kidnapping thing.” I’m speaking in a joking tone, but I’m angry as hell.

Owen shakes his head. “You’re my favorite person on the planet. You know that? I look for you in every single crowd. I think about you all the time. You’remy person,Birdie. I made a mistake. I’m incredibly sorry.”

“A mistake? Really?” I laugh sarcastically under my breath. “Why not tell me?You don’t think I’d have pulled out of this if I knew that, or maybe never done it to begin with?”

“It’s easy to say now. Of course, that sounds like the best solution, but by the time I found out aboutFantasy Driver,it was too late.”

God, what the hell do I even say to all of this? The fear of death is gone, but the reality of owing thousands of dollars toFantasy Driveris real.

Owen says he loves me, but I’ve seen what else is out there now. In the last twenty-four hours alone, I’ve connected and imagined lives with two other men. Though, to be fair, they’re also kidnappers.

This is such a mind fuck. How do I even begin to make sense of any of it?

“I know this is confusing, Birdie. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll clean everything up. You don’t have to worry about the money, your job, or anything. I’ll make it all right again.”

He still doesn’t get it. No one gets it.

I sigh and glance away, but he lands his hand on my chin and redirects my gaze back to his. “Don’t disappear. You know I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I do know that, but he did hurt me, and I’m not sure I can get over it. I’m not sure how I’d ever rewire my brain to trust a man that hired his buddies to kidnap me.

“Who was the old guy driving the van on the morning I got picked up?”

“A guy Moose knows. He needed some cash. Look, this is bad, but showing up to fuck some random dude online for money would’ve been worse. Do you—”

“No, Owen! Stop! It wasn’t your decision to make.” I pull away from the wall and step into the living room. “You had no right to do any of this so stop trying to make sense of it to me.”

He stares at me, his shoulders broad and strong as he steps forward. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him look so intense. I move backward as he strides toward me in an attempt to leave the room, but before I get far, he’s backed me up against the far right wall of the farmhouse, his gaze on mine with intention.

I’m angry. Pissed. Red with rage. What nerve does he think he has thinking he can trap me in the corner like this? If anything, he should be on his knees begging me for forgiveness.

Slowly, his gaze hardens, and his hand wanders up my arm and onto my throat. “You’ll never know, Birdie. You don’t know the depths I would go for you. Do you know how many times you go through my head every single day? Hundreds… thousands. I’m fixing a fucking carburetor and I’m wondering what you’re doing, what you’re thinking about, how you’re feeling. I’m lying in bed nightly, desperate to touch you, kiss your lips, touch your body. You’re perfect, okay? The most perfect little pain in the ass I’ve ever known, and I can’t live in a world where you sell yourself to a stranger.” He leans in with pressure, kissing my lips hard and sure, holding my bottom lip in his mouth before pulling away with a groan. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I did the things I did. You deserve someone who will treat you better,but I will keep you safe,and I won’t apologize for that.”

I’m electric, my skin is on fire, the world around me is floating, and I’m lost in some universe where time and space don’t matter. Nothing about this should feel right, but it does.

Owen leans into me again, twisting me back until I’m bent onto the couch. His hands are wild. They’re on my hips, on my breasts, in my hair, on my face. He kisses me over and over, trailing a line of wetness down over my chin, onto my neck, my shoulder, and my covered nipple. “You know how long I’ve thought about this, Birdie?”

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