Page 69 of Slap Shot Daddies

My chest tightens with a mix of fear and uncertainty. I wipe my damp palms on my leggings, the fabric cool against my skin. “I don’t even know what I want. I just…I don’t want to lose the guys. They make me happy.”

She smiles, her eyes filled with warmth and encouragement. “Then hold onto that.”

I stare at the tests laid out before me. One line. Two lines. Each one, unmistakably positive.

My breath quickens, and the world around me tilts off its axis, reducing sounds to a distant, indistinct hum.

My pulse pounds fiercely in my ears, an insistent drumbeat echoing as if underwater.

My chest constricts painfully, and my vision narrows into a tunnel.

“Oh God,” I whisper hoarsely, my throat parched and scratchy like sandpaper.

“Kenzie, hey, look at me.” Ally’s voice slices through the fog enveloping me.

She holds my shoulders firmly, grounding me in the present moment. Her hands are warm and reassuring, a solid anchor in the storm. “Breathe with me. In. And out.”

I struggle to comply, drawing in shallow, trembling breaths. She looks at me, our eyes connecting as she works with me to slow my breathing.

I clutch her hand desperately, my fingernails digging into her palm as if she’s my only lifeline.

“I can’t, Ally…what am I…what if they leave? What if I have to do this alone?” My words spill out in a frantic, jumbled torrent, broken only by my sudden gasps for air between my sobs.

“You won’t be alone,” she replies with unwavering certainty. Her eyes meet mine, steady and reassuring. “You have me. And I have a feeling you’ll have them, too. But right now, you don’t need to think about any of that. You just need to decide whatyouwant.”

Tears overflow, spilling down my cheeks in hot, stinging rivulets. I nod, though my mind continues to race chaotically.

Ally exhales softly, a calming presence amidst the chaos. “You’re okay. We’re gonna figure this out.”

I grasp her hand tighter, my heart still a wild, relentless thunder in my chest.

Perhaps I’m not okay.

But with her by my side, I’m not drowning.

Ally shifts closer, enveloping me in her arms with the tenderness of a protective big sister.

Her fingers weave through my hair, nails gently scraping my scalp with a soothing rhythm. The sensation is a balm, slowly calming my erratic breaths.

“It’s all going to be okay,” she murmurs, her voice soft and gentle, like a lullaby. Her fingers continue their gentle dance, unraveling knots I hadn't realized were there.

The soft rasp of her nails against my scalp eases away some of the tension that had coiled tightly within me.

I exhale slowly, yet the bitter metallic taste of panic still clings stubbornly to my tongue.

“You don’t need to think about your parents, or the guys, or anything else. What do you want?” she asks, her words a gentle nudge towards self-reflection.

I close my eyes, nestling my cheek against her shoulder. “I…I don’t know…I think I want this baby, but…” I whisper, my voice barely audible. “But I’m so scared.”

“That’s okay. Being scared doesn’t mean you’re not strong,” she reassures me, her words a lifeline in the sea of uncertainty.

We order Chinese food, comfort disguised as takeout. Steam curls lazily from my plastic container of steamed chicken and broccoli with no sauce, its blandness a perfect match for my unsettled stomach.

Each bite grounding me with its simplicity.

We put on a rom-com, the soft laughter drifting from the screen as two impossibly attractive people fumble their way into love.

It’s an easy distraction, a temporary escape from my worries.

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