Page 20 of Maddox

“Poor baby. I don’t think you’ve got a boo-boo. Does it hurt very much?” I stared into his brown eyes. It didn’t hurt at all, but I didn’t want him to let go.

“Maybe a teeny-tiny bit,” I whispered, my voice higher than I was expecting.

“Well, we can’t have that,” Maddox said gravely, and lifted my hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss on the tip of each finger. “There, is that better?”

“Yes…” the word Daddy was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say it so badly it nearly hurt. He smiled and set the books up straight, took my hand back, and turned me to the craft corner.

Then I saw the chalkboard and froze. It was empty but every bad memory of Jeremy came rushing back so suddenly I felt sick. In my head I remembered him writingClare’s Naughty Liston top, then during the day he’d add a list of ridiculous transgressions, all invented just so he had what he imagined was a valid excuse for punishment. I hated the sound of chalk on a board. I knew I always would.

“I have to go,” I managed to squeak out before my throat closed completely as panic set in.

I rushed out of the playroom, my heart pounding and my breath coming in short gasps. I barely registered Maddox calling my name as I fled down the hallway, desperate to get out.

Somehow, I made it to the front door, fumbling with the lock as tears blurred my vision. I stumbled out onto the porch, gulping in the fresh air.

"Clare!" Maddox's voice came from behind me, full of concern. "Clare, I'm so sorry. What happened? Are you okay?"

I shook my head, unable to form words through my panic. My legs felt weak, and I sank down onto the porch steps, burying my face in my hands.

I felt Maddox sit down next to me, close but not touching. "Just breathe, Clare," he said softly. "You're safe. No one's going to hurt you."

We stayed like that for a few moments, but I knew I was just delaying the inevitable. This was never going to work.

I took a shaky breath, trying to calm myself. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I just...the chalkboard. It reminded me of..."

"Oh, Clare," Maddox said softly, realization dawning in his voice. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think... I'll get rid of it right away."

I shook my head. "No, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known." I wiped at my eyes, feeling embarrassed and frustrated with myself. "I thought I was ready for this, but maybe I'm not."

Maddox was quiet for a moment. "Clare, look at me," he said gently. When I finally met his eyes, they were filled with warmth and understanding. "What happened in there doesn't mean you're not ready. It means you're healing. You recognized something that triggered bad memories, and you removed yourself from the situation. That's progress."

His words made me pause. I hadn't thought of it that way. It was just the sort of thing Anna would say.

"But I ran away," I said softly. "I panicked."

"And that's okay," Maddox assured me. "Healing isn't linear. There will be setbacks and difficult moments. What matters is that you're trying, and that you're learning to recognize what you need to feel safe."

I nodded slowly, his words sinking in. "I guess...I guess that makes sense."

Maddox smiled gently. "How about we go back inside?”

I was tempted, so tempted, but what happened the next time something reminded me of Jeremy? How was it fair to keep putting Maddox through it. He was wonderful and he deserved a Little that was whole, that would play all day in that gorgeous space, then maybe let her Daddy bathe her and even enjoy special touches.

I shook my head because I knew in my mind I was even beginning to speak like my Little.Special touches?

No, no I couldn’t do this. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “But this isn’t going to work. I’m going home now.”

Maddox didn’t stop me. Simply got up and grabbed my shoes, not letting me put them on. He even tied the laces. I whispereda thanks and hurried to my car. But I knew the hurt in his eyes wouldn’t leave me for a long time.

I saw his car behind me as I drove home, making sure I arrived safely. It just proved he needed a Little girl that would appreciate all of him.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t me.

Chapter Eight

MADDOX

Gideon looked up from his computer, his brow furrowing at my agitated state. "What happened?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

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