Page 40 of Maddox

"But what if I'm making a mistake?" I whispered. "What if I'm setting myself up to be hurt again?"

"That's always a risk in any relationship," Anna replied. She paused. “Was it Maddox that told you Blakeny was back in the country?”

“Yes, but he was asking me some odd questions,” and I told Anna about the evil king and the other princesses, and that I didn’t remember saying any of it.

"Clare, I think you might be experiencing some dissociation," Anna said carefully.

“Diss—” The word sounded wrong.

“You may recognize the informal term disassociation,”Anna continued, “but that’s not important. What you’re feeling is not uncommon in trauma survivors. When your Little side emerges, you may access memories that your adult self has walled off for protection."

I swallowed hard. "You mean...those things I supposedly said might be real?"

"It’s possible," Anna replied gently. "The mind has powerful defense mechanisms. Sometimes traumatic memories can only be accessed in certain states."

I felt sick. If what I'd told Maddox was true, then other girls had been held captive, possibly still were. And I couldn't even remember them.

"What should I do?" I whispered.

"I think you should consider whether you feel safer with Maddox right now, especially knowing Blakeny is back in the country," Anna said. "And perhaps we should schedule an extra session this week to work through some of this."

“But I don’t want to be Little if I’m remembering things like this,” I whispered. But then, I wanted Blakeny out of my life for good.

Anna seemed to consider this. “I didn’t mention this before but what if you become your Little with me in a safe environment? Then we can talk through everything, including what you experienced.”

“I don’t know. Where?”

“Either in my office or somewhere you feel safe.”

I immediately thought of the playroom at Daddy’s. Then I realized I’d called him Daddy again in my head. “Daddy’s playroom,” I whispered.

To give Anna credit she immediately worked out what I meant. “And do you need Daddy there?”

I nodded vigorously, then realized I needed to use my words. “Yes please, because Daddy makes the best hot chocolate.”

“Yum,” Anna said appreciatively, and I laughed for the first time in a while. “Then I’ll call him and set things up.”

After talking with Anna for a few more minutes, I hung up, feeling nervous but hopeful. I glanced at the bear again, then picked him up, hugging him to my chest.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked him softly.

I stared at my phone, willing myself to text Maddox. To tell him I'd made a mistake, that I wanted to come back. But something held me back—should I wait until Anna had contacted him? He must be getting whiplash with my moods.

I jumped at the sudden knock on my door, clutching the bear tighter. My heart pounded as I approached the peephole, then relaxed when I saw Tammy standing there. She was on my approved list so the doorman didn’t have to call.

"Clare? It's me," she called through the door.

I hesitated before unlocking it. After what happened at the club, I wasn't sure I wanted to see her. But maybe this was a chance to clear the air.

"Hey," I said, opening the door just enough to see her.

Tammy looked uncomfortable, shifting from foot to foot. "Can I come in? I want to apologize."

I stepped back, letting her inside. "For telling those women about me?"

"Yes," she said quickly. "I never should have shared that. It wasn't my story to tell."

I crossed my arms, the bear still clutched in one hand. "Then why did you?"

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