Page 39 of Maddox

“What did you mean by the naughty room?”

Her question pierced the fog of worry my brain was surrounded by, and figuring I had nothing to lose, I decided to be honest and told her what she’d said. Her astonishment was real.

“I don’t remember any of that.” She shook her head. “I don’t even remember telling you.”

I knew because I’d been active with servicemen coming home that PTSD was a serious thing. “I think your brain is protecting you,” I said honestly. “And I’m glad.” I squeezed her hand.

“Even if what’s in my head might help you catch them?”

I struggled with that answer but in the end decided to be honest. “Clare you’ve come to mean a great deal to me. I would rather cut off one of my limbs than hurt you in any way.”

“Even for the greater good?” she whispered.

I knew as a Marine the greater good was instilled into my DNA. “Even then,” I promised.

Chapter Fourteen

CLARE

I didn’t know why I’d come home. I’d heard Blakeny mentioned, panicked, and then made a show of being independent when what I really wanted to do was snuggle up with Daddy in our blanket fort and let him look after me.

Then I’d made him leave me here when I didn’t really want to be alone.

I stared at my apartment door after Maddox left, already feeling the emptiness echoing around me. He'd checked every room, window, and closet before reluctantly agreeing to leave—but only after I promised to keep my phone on and call him immediately if anything seemed off.

The silence pressed in on me as I wandered through my apartment. It felt smaller somehow, less safe than it had before. I found myself checking the locks twice, then three times before I could relax even slightly.

My phone buzzed with a text from Maddox: "Call me if you need anything, princess. No matter what time."

I smiled despite myself, my thumb hovering over the reply button. What would I even say? 'I miss you already'? 'I made a mistake'? 'I'm scared'?

Instead, I typed: "Thank you. I will."

Short. Safe. Distant. I didn’t need a Daddy. I didn’t.

But I rushed to the tin for my popsie, and I even rinsed it in the sink then stared at it for ten minutes like it would bite me.

I tried to distract myself by turning on the TV, but nothing held my interest. My gaze kept drifting to the gray bear Maddox had insisted I bring home with me. I’d named him Henry. Henry sat on my coffee table, its button eyes seeming to stare at me accusingly.

"What?" I said aloud to the bear. "I can take care of myself."

But even as I said it, I knew it wasn't entirely true. I'd been doing a poor job of taking care of myself since my rescue. Going through the motions, yes, but not really living. Look at what had happened at the club.

I stared again at my phone and wondered if I should call Anna. She’d told me to anytime. Before I second guessed myself, I pressed her saved contact and waited to see if she picked up.

After three rings, Anna answered. "Clare? Is everything alright?"

I hesitated, unsure where to begin. "I don't know," I admitted. "I’m sorry to call you again. I had a nice time with D—Maddox."

"That sounds positive," Anna said encouragingly not calling me out on my slip. "What happened?"

I sighed, sinking deeper into my couch. "I let myself be Little with him. He was patient and he made me feel good, Anna. I felt safe in a way I haven't felt in...well, since before Blakeny."

"So what's troubling you?" Anna asked gently.

"I found out Blakeny is back in the country, and I panicked. I insisted on coming home, even though part of me wanted to stay." I glanced at the bear again. "And now I'm here, and I feel... I don't know. Lost?"

Anna was quiet for a moment. "Clare, it's natural to have conflicting feelings. You've been relying only on yourself because it felt safer that way. Letting someone else in, especially in the context of a Daddy/Little relationship, is a big step."

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