Page 31 of Maddox

I stood frozen in the bathroom after Maddox left, my mind reeling. Had he really just offered to shower with me? To be my...Daddy? The thought sent a confusing mix of longing and fear through me.

Part of me desperately wanted to say yes, to let Maddox take care of me in that way. But another part was terrified of being that vulnerable, of letting someone have that much control over me again.

Going back into the bedroom for my phone, with shaking hands I scrolled to Anna and pressed call. She couldn’t always answer me if she was with another client, and I respected that, as she always called me back.

“Clare,” her warm voice came over the line.

“I stayed at Maddox’s last night and now I didn’t share a shower, and I feel like crap.”

I could almost see Anna working through my outburst. “Did he make you feel like crap?”

“No,” I burst out. “He was amazing, and understanding, and I really don’t deserve him.”

Anna chuckled. Actually chuckled, and I held the phone away from me to peer at it in disgust. “It isn’t funny,” I groused.

“You don’t need my permission.”

I swallowed. “What?”

“What do you wish right at this moment?”

I took a breath. “I want to exist in a world where Jeremy Blakeny doesn’t.”

Anna grunted, which I knew was her form of assent. “Good. So, in that world how would you meet Maddox? How would you have met him if his team didn’t get you out of there?”

I fell silent, because it was impossible. I couldn’t have Maddox without the nightmare of my past. “I wouldn’t,” I whispered.

“Do you feel you can talk to him? Explain how you’re feeling?”

We talked for another few minutes. After I hung up, I stared at the phone. Talk? I…couldn’t. I couldn’t explain to Maddox how every time he acted like the Daddy I craved, it made me think of the so-called Daddy I hated. Forced me to realize how stupid I was. That I’d put myself in the position with Jeremy, despite what Anna and Maddox might say.

With shaking hands, I pulled off the large t-shirt and stepped into the shower. As the hot water cascaded over me, I tried to sort through my conflicting emotions. Maddox had been nothing but patient and kind with me. He'd respected my boundaries, never pushing me further than I was comfortable with.

And yet...

The memory of Jeremy's "care" still haunted me. The way he'd use acts of kindness to manipulate and control me. How could I be sure Maddox wouldn't do the same?

But deep down, I knew Maddox was different. He'd proven that time and time again.

When you’re a good Little girl you can have a hot shower.

Of course I was never good enough for Jeremy. Freezing cold showers were what I had because I was so naughty.

Naughty Little girl.

Bad Little girl.

I was a naughty girl now. I had a good Daddy, but I’d sent him away. He should have been in this nice, warm shower with me.

Bad girl.

Bad girl.

Bad girls got cold showers. I reached out and turned the dial to cold.

Chapter Twelve

MADDOX

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