Page 3 of Protected

Drosselmeyer bustled into the room and threw his hat and jacket on the bench near the door. He carried a gift wrapped in pretty blue paper under one arm and a smile meant for me.

I wanted to love this man who would be my husband, but I didn't. I wasn't ready for a life as nothing more than an eccentric rich man's wife. "Oh, you're right. I should hurry and get dressed. Please make yourself at home and I'll--"

I didn't finish my sentence as I quickly hurried up the grand staircase and rushed to my room. I almost slammed the door behind me, but caught it at the last second, letting it click shut. Then I put my back to it, stared up at the ceiling to contain the tears threatening to fall, and sighed.

"Don't be so silly. He'll treat you well and you'll never want for anything." This wasn't the first time I'd chastised myself for not wanting the life I had. I wouldn't be the last.

Best to keep myself busy so I didn't have to think about it anymore than I had to. The long red dress I'd selected for the party, was already laid out on the bed by one of the staff. It was pretty but I'd hoped not to have to wear it.

I'd dreamed of being something different, someone new for just this one time in my life. A beautiful dancing flower, a doll, or even a soldier girl. Anything other than who I really was.

The Nutcracker Sweet

ClaraMarie

There was something different about tonight. The scents and sounds around me crackled and felt crisp, as if the very molecules in the air were here to celebrate the coming of Christmas with the Stahlbaums one last time. Even my stroppy mood couldn't combat the magic and joy of children dressed in their pretty dresses and suits, the adults in all their finery and the feeling of comfort and joy all around.

The quartet played a pretty piece of music that could barely be heard over the din of the crowded party. We did not expect this many people to show up this year. The last couple of Christmas Eve balls hadn't been well attended. It was like society knew that we were down and out and just pretending to keep up appearances.

They could smell gossip like gingerbread cookies baking. But not a one had given me a sideways glance or whispered an unkind word. Even Fritz looked as pleased as a partridge showing off his pear tree. Even if this wasn't the life I wanted, I was determined to enjoy myself tonight and begin anew tomorrow.

With the position and wealth marrying Drosselmeyer would afford me, I could probably make a difference in the world, even if it was a small one. I knew better than to allow any big dreams to seep in again, less they be quashed.

I smiled at every boy and girl, greeted every man and woman, and even said Merry Christmas to Fritz and meant it. "Just for one night, Fritz, let's be on the same side."

He surveyed the room from the position he'd taken up next to the enormous tree. He responded without even looking at me. "Fine. I supposed we won't even see each other much in the new year once you're married. I'm looking forward to the announcement of your engagement. It will be quite fun to see everyone's reactions."

Sigh. "Yes, it will. Now wish me Merry Christmas and I'll go make my rounds to gather the children for the gifts."

He rolled his eyes, but there was a little bit of a twinkle. Even Fritz liked presents and he knew there was one under the tree for him as well. There always was. I wondered what Drosselmeyer would give us this year. We were well past the age to be part of the tradition, but still he had some trinket or other for us each Christmas Eve.

"Merry Christmas, ClaraMarie. Now off you go. Check on father while you're gone."

I nodded and smiled, but I'd been to see father after I'd dressed but before the other guests arrived. He didn't have very many good days, but tonight his eyes were filled with bright wonder. He'd said I'd looked just like the princess I truly was. He even insisted I go back and put on the necklace left to me by my mother with the sparkling gold and ruby crown pendant that I had thought too old and tarnished to wear to the party. I did, because it matched the Christmas-red dress, and no one would look at me anyway.

I promised to have some hot chocolate and some sugar plums brought up for him later. So strange how he'd gone from a hale gentleman to a frail old man before my eyes. This was the first year he wasn't well enough to attend the party, but he didn't even have the capacity to know that it was going on right below his feet.

He was the real reason I'd promised to marry Drosselmeyer. I could live without the house, the servants, the nice clothes, and the easy life. But without a steady income, we couldn't pay for Father's care. I'd sit by his side and feed him every meal, take care of all his needs, if I could. On his good days, I did. But when his mind turned on him, he became more than belligerent. He'd once pulled a sword off the wall above his bed and brandished it at me spouting about never succumbing to the queen of mice.

That was the same day I'd agreed to the arranged marriage I'd resisted for almost a year.

It didn't take me long to get each and every child to gather around the Christmas tree. They all knew they were in for a treat. Even the adults quieted down as the ballet troupe rolled out the giant boxes decorated with shiny paper, ribbon, and bows. I, of course, knew who and what hid inside each person-sized box, but the rest of the gathered crowd were in awe.

The lights lowered and a spotlight shined down on the first box. The four sides, dropped, the lid falling to the back, and out popped the first ballet dancer, Frania, as the Harlequin. The children giggled and laughed at the silly dance she did pretending to be a wind-up toy, and I bit the inside of my cheek.

The Columbine's roll was next, and I very carefully studied the ornaments on the tree while Daphine performed the part perfectly, I'm sure. When I looked back, Drosselmeyer caught my eye and gave a small frown. He nodded toward the performance with that look that said I should be watching.

He'd been the one who hinted that the performance tonight would be a ballet version of his fairy stories, full-well knowing dance was my passion. I went to that dumb audition because of it. I wanted to both hate him for being an instrument in dashing my dreams and for being kind enough to schedule an entertainment designed to delight me.

I did turn back to watch the next dance. Marea and Astrid popped out dressed as the soldier and Vivandiere. Only the dancer in the soldier's uniform, with the rosy cheeks painted on and a sword by his side. Yeah,hisside. A man had taken over Astrid's role.

I wasn't even sure he could dance.

He simply stood there as Marea pirouetted around him all the while he stared directly at me. His bright blue eyes sparkled, but his face was set in that same stern blank way of those soldiers who guarded Buckingham Palace. Tingles went from my chest to my belly and settled between my legs.

I glanced around to see if I was just imagining that he was focused on me. But on one side of me was the tree and the other Fritz. I supposed he could be watching my brother with the intensity of a winter's storm, but if he was, Fritz hadn't noticed. He was picking at a piece of lint on his cuff looking bored.

No, no. I was being ridiculous. The soldier was simply playing his part in the performance. I backed away, my feet brushing against the presents under the tree and my dress knocking the lower hanging ornaments. Shoot. There was no way of escaping without being noticed.

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