Page 53 of Reignite

Try, Try Again

Iwalked through the purple door of Devils and Angels.

Then I turned back around, went to the car, and stared at the club for a good solid hour. I had tried to come back once before. What made me think I could do it now? Nothing had changed. Gray was still gone.

What was this place without Gray? Nothing to me.

But it had come to mean a lot to the community everyone around me had built.

It was everything I ever hoped it would be. A place where people could explore the fun and intimacy of their own sexuality and kinks in a safe environment where no one would make them feel less for being who they were.

The tears stung my eyes, until I couldn’t blink them back any longer.

I let them stream down my face. I swallowed great gasps of air as the sobs shook my body. I missed Gray beyond the known depths.

Why couldn’t he be here to see what we’d created?

Why did he have to die?

Why did I have to ever fall in love with him in the first place?

I sniffed and pulled the tissues I never left home without and blew my nose. Then I signaled to the bodyguard Jim had follow me everywhere, put the car in gear and drove home.

Maybe tomorrow I’d try again.

I called Jim from the car on my way.

He answered on the first ring and I could hear the hubbub of the club in the background. “I thought maybe we’d see you tonight, doll.”

“Yeah. I tried.” It was all I could do. Continue to try.

He was silent for a minute. “It’s okay. You come back when you’re ready.”

Go on.

Move on.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. Which is why I’m calling.”

Jim must have walked away from the bar because the background noise quieted. “Don’t quit on me all together, Angelina.”

It was a close call.

Go on.

Move on.

“I’m not. But…” I swallowed and pushed the words out. “I’m going to need help. Tomorrow night. Will you come pick me up? That way I can’t back out.”

“You got it.” I pretended not to hear his sigh of relief.

“Thanks, Jim.”

When I got home, I took a long hot shower, which hid more of the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. I completely wore myself out and was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

The phone ringing woke me. Sun streamed into the room. I must have been really out of it because I never left them open. I covered my eyes with my arms as I answered.

“’lo?”

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