Page 8 of Rebellion

I studied Gray’s eyes. He was so complex and the emotions flashed through him, concern, protectiveness, and what I dared to hope was feelings for me that went deeper than he’d ever let on.

“I don’t see how it could be. Please, just listen for a minute.”

He didn’t say no.

“By going to Texas and apprenticing at The Red Ranch I’ll get to learn about the BDSM lifestyle like you want me to. It won’t be here or at home and I think that’s better. I know you don’t want me at The Asylum, although I don’t really get why. Trying to train me at home isn’t working. This could be a new start for us. A way for us to both get what we want.”

I blurted my totally unprepared speech out. With each word I sped through my reasons. With each word Gray frowned deeper. With every single word I was losing this battle.

“Who do you think is going to teach you the BDSM lifestyle down there?”

A hollow opened up inside of me starting from my gut and working its way up to my heart. Everything was going so terribly wrong. Until that moment I assumed Gray would be the only one who would ever teach me. It was what we both wanted. It was always a bad idea to assume.

“We already agreed you would.” Oh how I wanted my voice to ring clear and confident. It was breathy and timid instead.

“You broke that deal when you played on the phone with Foster and then came to The Asylum without me.”

Joder. That hollow in my chest twisted and the pain hit me squarely in the heart.

I’d broken something important in our relationship when I’d decided to defy him. Independence or not, it had been my choice. Now, I faced my consequences.

If I bowed down to Gray’s demands he would be the gentleman I knew he was and go back to our arrangement. He was safe and comfortable.

My whole life had been sheltered.

Until a few months ago. I had never been more alive, more my real authentic self, until I left the safety of being the good little socialite and almost trophy wife. Gray had been integral to that transformation.

I couldn’t go back to being a kept woman. I held the tiny flame of hope in my heart that he would understand.

“Then let’s make a new deal. Come with me.”

“And live under the domain of Tate Hall? You realize he’s in Foster’s pocket, don’t you? I don’t think so. I’ll train you at home, and maybe, maybe, we’ll come here and play when I think you’re ready.”

“We already tried that.” For three whole long days where Gray ignored me and my wants and needs.

His gaze flitted back and forth between my eyes and darted down to my mouth. That tic in his jaw returned and he sighed. “I can see now orgasm denial may not have been the best way to start your training. I’d thought it would teach you about self-control.”

He wasn’t even listening to me. He wanted what he thought was best for me. Exactly like every other man in my life. Except for my harem. And Tate Hall. Enough. My choices, my consequences. “I’m going.”

“No, you’re not. No way.” His voice dropped to a low growl. The kind that used to put me in my place and make me afraid. His shoulders set into that tall warrior pose and he stared down at me like a peon.

He could glare and huff and puff all he wanted. I was done being controlled by men. By anyone.

I stuck my finger into his sternum and poked with each sentence. “Yes way, and you are not stopping me. In fact, you’re going to help me. I don’t need you to be a domineering asshole, Gray. That’s what I left behind with Marc and my father and all of their cronies.”

Gray was all hulked out, but I could see the Bruce Banner in his eyes. They tore into mine, digging into my soul. I dug back.

“You’ve never been one of them, Gray. It’s always been us against the world, and even when I wasn’t in the fight, you’ve been there to protect me, keep me from disaster. Tate Hall and his club aren’t a disaster.”

He shook his head and raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m not convinced of that.”

I was laying myself bare for him right now. Showing all my vulnerabilities to him. Only for him. My gut said to yell at him, my heart said beware. I softened my voice, hoping he would understand I was trying. “You keep saying we’re not ready to be together, which I think is crap, but if you want me to grow into the kind of woman you want to be with, this is it.”

His eyes flared. “Don’t give me the I’m-doing-this-for-us speech.”

“You mean the same one you give to me every single damn time we get even close to having a relationship?” I sucked in a breath. I got it now. For the first time, I understood Gray. “You’re afraid.”

“Of what?”

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