Page 33 of All Along The Watchtower

“Went into town for a volunteer day at the animal shelter. She thought you might want some… how did she put it? Quality, one-on-one guy time.” He handed over a steaming mug. I recognized it as one of Mimi’s.

“She’s not wrong.” There hadn’t been time to update Sawyer and the rest of the guys about more than the basics since I’d gotten Bree’s phone call. Rios and Jace were already back at their duty stations, but I had never been more grateful that Sawyer was retired. The whole situation had my head spinning, and I needed someone to talk to who wasn’t direct family.

“So. How you doin’, Papa?” His voice held equal parts amusement and concern.

Because I finally could, I set the coffee aside and did what I’d been tempted to do from the beginning. I bent and tucked my head between my knees, trying to get my racing thoughts under control. The position reminded me of track meets from a lifetime ago. But the pressure to perform back then had been nothing compared to this.

“That good, huh?” Sawyer’s hand landed on my shoulder with a reassuring squeeze.

I blew out a long breath. “I am overwhelmed as fuck. In the span of a week, I found out I have a daughter, broke the news to my moms, proved her paternity, got emergency custody, got all her dependency shit sorted, rented and partially furnished a house…” The list felt endless, and saying it all out loud only emphasized how much my life had changed in such a short time.

“That’s next door to Bree. We’re coming back to that.”

Of course he’d heard.

“—gotten her enrolled in school, and otherwise effectively turned every single aspect of my life entirely upside down. I’ve made arrangements for my stuff to be packed up and shipped back from Japan, and for all the things that were Peyton’s and her mom’s that have been in storage to be shipped cross countryso she’ll have some things that are truly hers. And I just dropped her off at school. Where she’s in the eighth fucking grade. I have a kid, and she’s almost inhigh school.” That nearly had me putting my head between my knees again.

“You sure you don’t want something stronger than coffee?” Sawyer gestured toward the bar, where I knew he kept the good bourbon stashed away.

“I already feel like a failure as a parent, so day drinking doesn’t seem like quite the thing.” My hands tightened around the coffee mug, drawing comfort from its warmth.

Sawyer squeezed my shoulder again, his grip steady and reassuring. “Ford, man, give yourself a break. You’ve been a dad for barely more than a week. And I’d say you’ve accomplished a hell of a lot. What are you gonna do about the Navy?”

“I considered a dependency discharge, but my superiors think they can still use me remotely.” I’d gotten word on that yesterday, and the relief had nearly knocked me sideways. “So the rest of my contract will be transitioned to the Reserves. It means I can be here most of the time, and I don’t have to worry about unemployment. At least not for a while yet.” The thought of trying to navigate a civilian job search on top of everything else had been giving me cold sweats.

“That’s good. You’re doing what you can to give her stability. I’m sure she needs that after everything she’s been through. How did Mama Flo and Mimi take the sudden news of their grandma status? I bet they were shocked as hell.”

“Like champs. Because they’re rock stars. They’ve been amazing about the whole thing, actually. They’re not exactly thrilled I rented a house instead of staying out with them, but I think, given all the time I need to make up for, it’ll be important for Peyton and me to have our own space. Plus, she needs somewhere that feels like it belongs to her, you know? Somewhere she can put down roots.”

“Makes sense.” He kicked back against the kitchen counter, cradling his own mug, steam curling up into the air between us. “So, are we gonna talk about the fact that Bree finally talked to you for the first time in a decade? That had to make you feel… some kind of way.”

He was fishing, I knew. I wasn’t about to talk about what went wrong between me and Bree. I never had. I’d simply accepted full responsibility for the dissolution of our friendship. Because it had been my fault. The weight of that knowledge had sat heavy in my gut for a decade.

“It was a shock by itself. A bigger one to find out why she was calling. I don’t think my brain has had the chance to really catch up on any of it.” The words felt inadequate to describe the earthquake that had rocked my world in the past few days. It was like trying to drink from a fire hose.

“Uh-huh. And now you’ve moved in next door.” He folded his arms. The look on his face said he wasn’t buying my attempt to dodge the subject.

I jerked a shrug that was far more nonchalant than I actually felt. My coffee sloshed dangerously close to the rim of my mug. “It was the house Peyton chose. I guess I could have steered her toward one of the others, but she likes Bree. More to the point, she trusts her, and I don’t think she has many adults who have that honor right now.” And if I was being honest with myself, which I tried to avoid doing too often these days, having Bree next door felt both like torture and coming home.

Sawyer soaked that in, his gray eyes thoughtful as he studied my face. “The two of them have a lot in common.”

“Yeah. Yeah, they do. And I’ll admit I have a hard time looking at Peyton and not being reminded of Bree when she first came to the island, even with the age difference.” The parallel was impossible to ignore, like some cosmic joke the universe was playing on all of us.

“Does that make it easier or harder?”

“Maybe some of both? I hope it means I handle Peyton better because I have some clue what she’s been through. But it’s definitely had me thinking a lot about the past.” I paused, shoving a hand through my hair in frustration. “I fucking miss her, Saw.”

“I know you do. You always have. It’s gutted you not to have her in your life.” He arched an expectant brow. “So what are you gonna do about it now that you’re back on-island?”

“I’m not gonna harass her. Bree made her position about me clear a long time ago.”

“But?”

“But, I’ll admit that my kid just might be the bridge I need to at least get her to hear my apology. Which is honestly more than I ever thought I’d get.” A chance to apologize was so much less than what I wanted. I didn’t know if I ought to have actual hope now or not, but I was a natural optimist, so it was a struggle not to wish for a second chance to make things right.

Sawyer crossed the kitchen to join me at the table. “Look, man, I’ve never stuck my nose in about whatever went wrong between you two. As you say, Bree made her position clear, and she’s not precisely a forgiving woman. She’s had a lot of life experience that made her that way. She doesn’t believe what people say. She believes what they do. Seems to me that if you want her back—in any capacity—the only way to earn that is to show her with action the thing she needs to see. Whatever that may be.”

His words hit just a little too close to home, and it made me wonder if he suspected what had really gone down all those years ago. But he wasn’t wrong. I’d destroyed Bree’s trust, broken a promise that had been sacrosanct to her. Action was the only way past those mile-high defenses. And for the first timein forever, I was finally in a place where I could do something about it.

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