Page 51 of Fallen Angels

She nod again. “This make guards go to sleep.”

I look down at it an’ ain’t sure what the hells ta do with it.

“What good it gonna do me? I can’t fuckin’ use it!”

“Noni teach Mr. Flumph.”

“Mr. Flumph ain’t wantin’ Noni ta teach him nothin’!” I shout an’ then realize I just called myself Mr. Flumph. Fuck.

“Flumph!” King Elf Cock shout at me. “Stop being a little shithead!”

I stick my tongue out at him, but he give me a look that make me nearly piss myself, soze I pulls my tongue back in my mouth.

“Let Noni show you how to use the crekacklemon,” the brownie say.

I look at her like she done ripped the nastiest fart ever. “What the hells you jist call it?”

“Crekacklemon.”

“That’s what I thought you said.”

“This be for Mr. Flumph to make himself useful in this mission.”

“Listen to the brownie, Mr. Flumph,” Elf Boy say with a laugh. “Make yourself useful.”

“Watch me makin’ myself useful while I take my fist an’ shove it right,” I start, glarin’ at the big jerkface.

“Either make yourself useful or we’ll take Noni with us instead,” he say as he lean back on his cot and cross one ankle over the other like he ready ta take hisself a ripe little nap.

“FUCK THAT!” I yell at him while I fly up into the air ‘cause I’mthatpissed off. “I’m part o’ this group, not her!”

“Then prove it. Stop thinking about yourself all the time,” the elf say with a smile as he close his eyes and prop his hands on his chest with his fingers all steepled together. He ain’t gonna sleep, ‘cause elves ain’t much for sleepin’, but he look like it alls the same.

“If I don’t think ‘bout me then no one else will,” I grumble ‘cause it be the truth. I’m the only one lookin’ out fer Mr. Flumph. ‘Cept maybe Pretty, but she got her own shit ta constantly think ‘bout.

“Noni think about you, Mr. Flumph.”

“Oh! Shut up you!”

I stomps away only for that fuckin’ brownie to follow me with that dumb crossbow lookin’ thing that I still ain’t right sure how to pronounce.

She start pretendin’ ta shoot stuff with that weird-ass contraption an’ she make these little sounds of pretend explosions while I crawl up onto the window seat an’ look out at the darkness outside.

I look back at the stupid brownie an’ she runnin’ around pretendin’ like she be some big hero fightin’ all these warlords. I ain’t up here watchin’ her, though, that’s for sure... least not at first. But, after I see her havin’ all sorts o’ fun pretendin’ ta shoot that fuckin’ thing, I start feelin’ jealous-like.

I crawl down from my window an’ I tells her ta show me how to shoot the fuckin’ thing. I do it ‘cause I wanna know an’ not ‘cause I wanna be useful on our mission, whenever it come.

Noni spend like ten minutes or so showin’ me where to hold the thing an’ how Ize supposed ta shoot it.

By the time we done, I feels like I know this thing likes the back o’ my hand. An’ I gotta admit, I do like it—jist a little bit. It weird lookin’ all right, but if it shoots people an’ it knock ‘em out, that be a pretty good little weapon ta have, far’s I’m concerned.

“What you call this thing again?” I ask.

Noni smile an’ her freckles ain’t as ugly as they was before. “Crekacklemon.”

I’m thinkin’ maybe she should get that vulture back here ta shit the word out on the back o’ the fuckin’ thing soze I ain’t forget it agin.

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